A
male
age
36-40,
*ey
writes:My Ex-girlfriend wants me to drive 3 hours and come spend the weekend with her so we can "hang out and have fun". I just got off the phone with her and she says she doesn't want to have sex and that I can have her bed. The whole not have sex thing is throwing me off because why else would someone want to drive 3 hours with gas prices being at an all time high. I broke up with her back in November (because she treated me badly), but a few weeks afterwards she began to call me and since then is still calling me almost everyday as if nothing happened. I enjoy talking to her on the phone, but if we're not going to have sex I really don't feel like driving 3 hours to sit on her couch and watch television. What do you guys make of this? Why keep begging me to come see you if we're not going to have sex? Do you guys think I should go anyway or just save some cash and stay home?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): Yeah, it sounds to me like you deserve the chance to move on and find someone that is more appreciative of you. If she's treated you badly in the past and hasn't even apologised, she hardly seems the type of person you'd want to spend the weekend with.. never mind anything else!
You deserve better than what she has given you, and although I'm sure she has more to offer, she decides to not let it show. Try to move on honey, because I honestly think it's what you deserve. A new, honest, caring girl.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 March 2008):
 After reading your follow ups, I agree with you.
She is not worth your time.
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A
male
reader, Rey +, writes (27 March 2008):
Rey is verified as being by the original poster of the question "Hmm maybe shes planning on saying sorry? Or maybe she is playing games with you."That may be the case. She does things sometimes just to see if she can get people to do it. Like when she told me that she got this guy whose virginity she took a while back because she wanted to see if she still had "mind control over him". Factoring all of this in I think I'll just save myself the time, money, and disappointment by not going and staying home.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (27 March 2008):
Hmm maybe shes planning on saying sorry? Or maybe she is playing games with you.
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A
male
reader, Rey +, writes (27 March 2008):
Rey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy ex-girlfriend treated me so extraordinarily bad during the course of our relationship and to this day has never apologized for it. Which is VERY MUCH the reason for my hesitation at making considerable effort to go see her.
Keep in mind that while only going to see her if there's sex involved may seem "Selfish" my reason for doing so are a direct result of her exceptionally awful treatment of me. Imagine if you loved someone so much that you would and literally have done anything for them, give them your time, money, everything you have and then they turn around and treat you like shit. Well, you'd become pretty Jaded and cynical towards that person. So, because of this I cannot in good conscience put forth extensive and considerable effort to go see her "Just to Hang" when she's never made equal efforts for me.
For Example, Once when we were dating she didn't call me for two weeks! Then when I would call her she would talk to me coldly and hang up after 12 sec conversation. I mean, if you lived a couple minutes away from your boyfriend I'd expect many of you girls to come see him when you're in his area! Well, she didn't, treated me like crap, and never apologized for it even after I continue to be nice to her as if she didn't do this mean shit to me. Therefore, she's utterly killed the "I'll do anything for you" part of me to the point where right now I'm only thinking about me...the way she does everyday.
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (27 March 2008):
 I'm just going to say, stay away. She treated you badly before and now she just wants you to visit her? If you feel that you want a second chance, then so be it.. go up there and visit and don't expect sex. But I would be wary of a second time around, but this is coming from a guy who got burned on the second time around before.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (27 March 2008):
In your relationship , is it just sex that matters???
She told you that she will not have sex with you to see if
you still love her for what she is or you just want sex only from this relationship.
If you go and see her and have fun , sex may come naturally.
I won't say it will but the probability is there .
Do you still love her or you only want sex from her?
If you want her back, then you will go , sex or no sex.
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A
female
reader, lilmizzbaybehh  +, writes (27 March 2008):
it depends on how much this girl means to you, and how much u mean to her, im sure you too can have a friend ship but you cant just expect to have sex with her if your not dating her, i would suggest you tell her you want to start a fresh with somebody else and then go out to clubs and find a girl who is more closer to home and see how things work out xxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): Stay home....don't waste your time, gas or energy.
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (27 March 2008):
Unlike you, she obviously appreciates you for more then just sex. So thats why shes asking you to come visit.
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A
male
reader, polarkite +, writes (27 March 2008):
 Yeah sounds pretty boring. Maybe she just wants to be friends with you. Why doesn't she come see you instead?
Why don't you guys turn off the tv and talk if you enjoy talking. You could be upfront with her about that too, that you want to talk because you enjoy talking with her, but don't want to just sit and do nothing.
Maybe if you guys were a little inventive you could make a fun trip out of the situation. I wouldn't worry too much about the sex, that will happen if it ought to happen on it's own course. Though it sounds like this time, it's a definite no.
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