A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have been married for 6 years, and I have lost interest in sex with my husband. We have sex about once a week, but I feel as if I'm just going through the motions. Sometimes I pretend I'm satisfied, and sometimes I try to explain what I want. But that's my problem! I don't know what I want. I probably masturbate more than we have sex. So my sex drive isn't the problem. I know that I'm bored, and would like more excitement, and when my husband asks me what I want, I don't have any clear answers, since I don't even know.Is this normal? What can I do to communicate with my husband without hurting his feelings?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): wow i felt the same way you did. i eventually started dreaming about other people and i was telling my friend about it and he found out i wasnt satisfied and he told me i wish you would have told me Now he does everything to satisfy me and vice versa Good luck I suggest you tell him soon if you havent already
A
female
reader, BigSis  +, writes (27 March 2008):
 This same thing happened to me, for a long time I was going though exactly the same motions as you are now, until one day I just thought to myself; ''F**k it!...I can't take this anymore, unless I tell you to do this for me - it's never gonna happen!''.
So trust me when I tell you he will be very grateful to you explaining exactly what you want from him. I don't believe for one minute that he'll be hurt by it.
He's your husband, he loves you and nothing pleases a man more than to know he's arousing his woman and giving her intense pleasure.
So how can you hurt his feelings? He will most probably tell you that he'd wished you'd told him sooner.
Why don't you make the first move, and start to arouse him, then just simply ask him to do to you what you do to yourself that makes you cum, or better still - you put his hand down there and subtly use his hand to start masturbating for you. He, 'AND' yourself will most likely be turned on more by it, (but try to be relaxed while this is going on, otherwise you may not feel the effect).
Unless you open up and be honest, your sex life will eventually become non existent.
You obviously do know what you want - you're masturbating and it's giving you pleasure, so ask him to do the same to you. Like the other Aunties have said, he's not a mind reader.
Good luck and I hope this works for you.
BigSis xXx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): It seems to be normal for most women. Like most guys, he would like input from his wife. If his wife doesn't know, then there is little hope to improve the situation. Guys get tired of the guessing games, always feeling rejected, they to can become numb.
I think men have the belief that if you love someone, that you'll be motivated to indulge in pleasing each other, at least fondling and touching, maybe leading up to sex.
Men will have sex, even though it can be stressed filled for them, after a long day, but they do it for the pleasure and the hope there wife also gets the same pleasure. When they don't, they feel that they are not as loved as they once were. But I think with our daily lives, all the things that we need to take care of, its a wonder that we have any energy left for each other, let alone sex.
For telling you husband, maybe tell him your sorry, that you don't know what you want so you can't described anything that might be satisfying, I place the whole buren onto you, for I am like a blow up doll. I think he will understand, and it might bring him a smile. But at least he will know where he stands, and it might get his creative juices going.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 March 2008):
 A man is very sensitive when it comes to sex and money.
Anything that criticizes his performance or his ability will start a war.
No matter how you sugar coat it , it will hurt him badly.
He is just like a tool.
You need to learn how to use his tool to your advantage....
Use your ingenuity.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (27 March 2008):
 It sounds as if your sex life with your husband has become routine - perhaps just missionary fornication on occasion with little variety. A robust sex life these days usually ventures into much more variety, including oral stimulation in particular. If oral clitoral stimulation is lacking, many women today are going to remain very unsatisfied, because straight intercourse is rarely very fulfilling without a great deal of foreplay.
A lack of foreplay and romanticism is usually frequently lacking, which includes kissing, fondling, fingering, rubbing, hugging, massaging and other things that tend to make a woman feel sexy, wanted and loved. Too many men think that getting it up and sticking it in is sufficient these days. But to answer your question, i don't think I know how you could tell your husband that you are unsatisfied without "hurting his feelings." My one suggestion might be to order the excellent book, "She Comes First" by Dr. Ian Kerner, for his next birthday or anniversary present. Best wishes and hope that he will read and finally understand much more about pleasing a woman.
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