A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for a over a year and a half, we're happy together and we're planning a future together now. So why can't I get my ex boyfriend out of my head? I had a few relationships in the past and don't give any of my other exes a second thought. I stayed in contact with my ex for a while basically because I didn't want to loose contact with him, I thought we could still stay friends. He told me he still had feelings for me when drunk, that he was sure that at some point it would happen again for us. I must admit I was happy to hear this, even though I shouldn't have been and I dwelled on it for days. Let me add me and him only dated long distance for 6 months, he lives far away and comes back to his hometown where I live maybe twice a year. So I did what I thought was the right thing after our last encounter and his drunken confession and cut off all contact, this was nearly a year ago. The thing is I miss him like crazy. We split up two years ago now and it wasn't like it was that serious to start with so why can't I seem to forget about him, why does he pop into my head in the day? I think I see him in the street and I dream about him. I love my current boyfriend so much, I don't feel there's anything missing in our relationship at all but it can't be normal for me to keep thinking about my ex!! I want to get over him because it's not fair we live separate lives and I'm getting on with my life why is this old flame from the past still playing on my mind? He doesn't try to contact me either, I don't have his number or him as a friend on any websites, so it's not like I can keep an eye on him. For all I know he may be happy in a relationship himself now. Has anyone else felt this way before? Is it normal or does it mean there are more serious feelings underlining my thoughts? Is there any way to move on?
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female
reader, firefly23  +, writes (23 August 2013):
I'm sorry you are going through this. I know how it is to be caught up on an ex. If it helps, though, I think you made the right decision to cut it off short.
In my opinion, I say just actively work on letting it go. If you find yourself dwelling, immediately chase it away. If you dream about him, call your boyfriend the next morning, and tell him how much you love him. Distraction is the key. Good luck, doll.
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (23 August 2013):
 Some times a person can have a profound effect on us that we cannot just simply close the chapter. It does not mean you have to live in past. As long as your past does not affect your current relationship. Having said that you should also not be settling for what you have if you still have strong feelings for your ex.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (23 August 2013):
 The mind is a strange and funny thing.You are probably a bit of a romantic and I don't think that you are in love with your ex at all. I think you are in love with "the idea" of him.You didn't really know him, the relationship was a long distance one, it was very short lived and he confessed he still had feelings for you on one occasion since when drunk.Take a step back and really look at what that relationship was like. Was it as fabulous as you're giving it credit for? If it was why did you guys split?Time can put rose coloured glasses on our eyes making us look back with wonder.Perhaps your current relationship has fallen into the usual, 'taking each other for granted a bit' stage. You're yearning for a little romance so try to inject a little back into your current relationship and ask your bf to do the same. Go out on dates, seduce each other, kind of like you would have in the beginning.If I'm not right and you feel there is a future for you and your ex and the problems that forced you apart no longer exist then pursue him if you must but before you do, do the decent thing and let your current boyfriend go.Don't use him as a back stop ie, stay with him in case it doesn't pan out with your ex.I think your current guy is your future, he sounds wonderful and makes you happy. Fantasies are great but rarely meet expectations when applied to reality.I wish you all the best x
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