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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I have been on and off a dating site for about 5 months and have made a few pen pals. In the first few months there was a guy, he is 29 years old and he wanted a friends with benefits situation. In the beginning he was sort of nice complimenting me on my looks and I was taken in by it. The chats that we had were quite intense and he is a very gorgeous guy with a nice body. I was very tempted to meet him but he was asking me to do really explicit things to him and I got upset. It's like I was conflicted about the whole thing instead going with my gut instinct and staying away from him. People were warning me that he might have raped me if we got together. I have always been attracted to bad boys and nothing good has ever come out of it. I had told him in one of our chats that I was not a slut and didn't want to do the things he wanted. I thought that I could change his mind about me and maybe just to go out on a date. He only wanted to sleep with me because I am an older woman. I guess I don't feel very good about myself sometimes. Well one of our last chats before I cut contact with him we kept it going back and forth and I made the mistake of telling him that I fantasized about him sexually. He wanted all the details and I just kept thinking he would change his mind about the FWB, he finally just gave up and he didn't message me anymore, so at that time I had been trying to get over him and talk to someone else. Now even though I was still on and off the site I wasn't even tempted to contact him even though I would see him on there because I was talking to a new guy and a few others. But just recently out of the blue he viewed my profile and I'm curious to know why. Should I just ignore him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the comments and advice everyone. I could write a whole list of things he has said to me but he is definitely
what you described. Our conversations were all about sex, mostly on his part. He never asked me about myself or if I
had any hobbies or about my profile. And the naked photos, he did ask me to take a picture of myself and he wanted to send
me one. He even threatened not to respond to me if I didn't
give him what he wanted. I'm going to stay away and ignore him.
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (24 August 2013):
 Let's look at the facts on this one:
1) This guy is hoping to get laid. From the sounds of it, your chats are very sexually charged. I am guessing they are largely the foundation of your chats.
2) You are enamored by a guy much younger being interested in you. You should be flattered, but if you are looking for a long term relationship -- someone that wants to be with you through thick and thin -- chances are you are wasting your time.
3) Is this guy for real? Sure he may be good looking through his profile page but have you seen him in the flesh? It is pretty easy to come up with fake identities online. You could be being taken in by a teenage troll or a 60-year old man.
4) Remember, anything you post online can and will be forever "out there". If he was requesting naked pictures of you, for instance, those pictures could and would wind up on all kinds of websites.
I think you need to ask yourself what you want. If are you enjoying flirting with a younger man, then fine, enjoy yourself. If you like hanging around with jerks, expect to be treated like one. But, as I stated before, if you are looking for a committed, loving, soul fulfilling relationship you are wasting your time.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (23 August 2013):
 Yes, you should ignore him. You said yourself nothing good has ever come of you being attracted to bad boys, and he sounds like your typical bad boy. Viewing your profile doesn't mean he's suddenly developed feelings for you.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (23 August 2013):
 The obvious answer to your question is no, you should definitely not contact him. And I wouldn't read anything into his checking your profile. It's not a sign of regret, just idle curiosity.
The man pressed you to do things you weren't comfortable doing. You got upset yet rewarded him by telling him you fantasized about him. I'm guessing you haven't been feeling very good about yourself for a very long time, which would explain why you even gave this guy the time of day to begin with.
OP, self respect works much the same as way as respect for others in that it has to be earned. And like losing weight, earning it is a process. It requires patience, self discipline, determination and faith. And these can be learned.
I don't know what kind of site you're using but I'm guessing it's a free one which means much of the time, people are seeking casual arrangements. So knowing that you're not likely to break any hearts, you could experiment a little. I don't mean deceive people, but simply explore different aspects of your personality (non sexual) you normally keep hidden.
No one can see you stammer or blush. Whatever flaws you think you have, people can't see them, though they can smell lack of confidence and desperation easily enough. Imagine how a gorgeous, intelligent, popular woman would handle these situations and then practice doing that. It should go without saying that you do not give out any personal, identifying information until you've vetted people sufficiently. In fact I'd put finding a love match or 'friends' on hold for a while and use the time to sharpen your skills and build confidence.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (23 August 2013):
Do you think that he's a changed man and suddenly wants a relationship with you? Sorry, but he still wants easy sex. Contact him if and only if you want the same.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 August 2013):
 Why is he viewing your profile?
He is baiting you. Hoping to catch your interest again. Hoping that you are now "desperate" or "curious" enough to "try him out".
Just because he is good looking doesn't mean he is a GOOD guy or a GOOD person to befriend (or more). My guess is he is using the "dating site" to troll for vulnerable women. Easy prey. After all he isn't on the site to find dates is he? If offering FWB was his plan. First of all talking to a guy over the internet doesn't make you two FRIENDS so basically it would be casual sex or no strings attached sex he is looking for, he is just hoping that if he comes off as "friendly" enough some woman will fall for it. That is why he started out with the compliments, making you think he was interested and "harmless".
IF you can block/ignore him. He is NOT what you are looking for.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2013): You're flirting with temptation, and you're going to get burned.
People shouldn't have to warn a woman of your maturity and experience. You know better.
You can play with the devil, and I can assure you that you will regret it. If a man online comes on to you in a very sexually explicit way; he is trolling the internet for sex, and he is capable of just about anything.
He senses your curiosity and the fact you're nibbling at the bait. He left you alone; because he is a practiced predator, and he knows how older women are easier victims. They can be naive and starving for attention. He plants the seed in your mind, and waits for you to mull over it until you're at the point you are now. Horny and wondering.
You dodged a bullet. You are much too mature to be playing such a dangerous game with your safety.
What does it mean?
It means he thinks you might be foolish enough to take him up on his offer; because he got your attention. He knew if he checked your profile, you'd be aware of it.
No insult to your age, but you are too old to be playing with "bad-boys." It's beneath your dignity, and could mean your safety; or even your life.
So dismiss any crazy thoughts.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (23 August 2013):
 Absolutely you should just ignore him. Trust. Your. Gut.
You say that you don't feel so great about yourself. I think that you enjoy the flattery that this guys lust gives you (can't blame you), but I think that he is absolutely playing into your insecurities and feeding you what you need to hear to get you to do things you feel uncomfortable doing. All he cares about is sex. He doesn't want to be your boyfriend, I doubt he even cares about you beyond conquest. He just wants to have sex with you, or get pictures or descriptions from you - and it could be even that the fact that you're unsure is turning him on.
Let's not forget that he may not even be this gorgeous guy with a great body. There could be anyone hiding behind his profile picture. He could be 62 and 300lbs.
But even if he is gorgeous, there are plenty of creeps, perverts, jerks and even more extreme - sociopaths, rapists, murderers - who are plenty attractive.
You need to be very cautious when online dating because you are exactly the type of person who might be very vulnerable to this type of guy who will manipulate you and make you feel uncomfortable and used. Or, you could find yourself in a very dangerous situation. Please be careful - and definitely let this guy go. He's been very clear about what he wants from you.
Good luck! (And be safe!)
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