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age
30-35,
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writes: hello i've posted a question before but never got a clear answer why because i failed to make it clear. now heres my situation my gf absolutely believes i cheated because of the following... 1) i was involved with 2 of my friends webcam porn. he wanted to search for porn and i just helped him find a webcam site where he could chat and ask for requests for the model. 2) i had a female friend whom i would talk to often but all of our conversations were about her in love with this guy and how much i loved my gf. my friend lived in a different state far away from me and the thought of me being with her never crossed my mind.so would this be cheating? and if not how can i help my gf overcome her insecurities
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe knew I was talking to this friend and found out about the porn because my friend that was making a profile blamed it on me because I have told my girlfriend about stuff I did while I was with my friends and then she told her best friend which was my friend's girlfriend and so my friend blamed it was all my fault and that he never looked at porn. I only added the details about ADHD and irregular period to see if it could provide some insight if that was the case well anyways my gf didn't get mad at me for the porn till my she started to feel uncomfortable with my female friend and my other friends would try to make me look bad because I would talk to her on the phone and they try to make me seem like I was the cheater and my friend told his girl which then told my gf and she believed her best friend when it was my friend her best friends boyfriend who lied to his gf and blamed it on me
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 Her ADHD and her irregular periods have nothing to do with her insecurities. Now you're just making excuses for her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): If your girlfriend considers it cheating, then it is cheating, in your relationship, and you will likely not be able to convince her otherwise.
For most girls, men with platonic female friends or a casual porn habit, are not at all cheaters. It only becomes fishy when the platonic relationship or the porn get ridiculously in the way with the time or emotional/physical connection he shares with his girl. If his interest in porn is so extreme it could be considered a bit addictive or setting up in his mind very unrealistic ideals of sex, that should be reevaluated as it's unhealthy.
If the porn website where you chat involves mainly flirting with strangers, plenty of girls would feel insecure about that activity, so it's always best to understand fully what condones "cheating" in every unique relationship you are in.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell hears a little bit of info on her to see if it helps she has ADHD and takes meds for it. But she is never like how I put on the post most of the times sometimes it her period since she has irregular and more its usually very heavy but other than that she is very loving and caring but sometimes she let's her insecurities get the best of her
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A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 Get rid of the crazy girlfriend. She sounds like a constant headache.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (27 November 2010):
That is not cheating.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (27 November 2010):
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/she-gets-mad-at-me-when-i-tell.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-think-my-girl-is-paranoid-help.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/girlfriend-likes-to-abuse-me-and-then-says.html
A little background for our aunts.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (27 November 2010):
Let me start off by saying that I've read your other posts, and I know that your girlfriend has crazy, insecurities, trust issues etc..so this accusing you of cheating is nothing new.
Now, what you have described is NOT cheating. You know this, I know this. Your crazy, insecure girlfriend however is convinced that this is cheating of some sort. Whatever, let her think what she wants you obviously can't convince her otherwise. No matter how hard you try. You also CANNOT help her get over her insecurities she is the one who has to get over them herself. Which in her case, professional mental help is necessary in order for her to get past them. If you want to stay with her, then I would make that suggestion. However, she has to want to get this counseling on her own, you cannot help someone who doesn't want help.
Again, I'm going to tell you like the past aunts have told you, dump her. These insecurities of her's are going to break this relationship sooner or later.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 If you haven't already, I suggest you start spending more time with her and when you do, refrain from looking at other girls no matter what. She will notice that and she will feel more secure if you don't.
Whatever you do, even if it is for a friend, stay away from porn.
Just keep assuring her that your female friend is just a friend. A lot of people cannot grasp the concept of a female and a male being ONLY friends and that makes some partners worried. You cannot do anything about that except assure her or perhaps let her get to know this female friend of yours so that a certain amount of trust may develop.
I hope that helps.
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