A
male
age
30-35,
*non-1989
writes:Hi im a 21yr old.Me n my gf are both virgins. we have tried having sex 3-4 times but have been unsuccessful at it. despite of 30mins foreplay and ample lubrication i am unable to penetrate her. the vaginal openin is very tight and small. i tried inserting my fingers n cud get only my index finger inside tht too not completely, n it started hurting her so i withdrew….Plz help. what are we doin wrong??
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both virgins, foreplay, vagina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, mrvhappy  +, writes (27 November 2010):
Hi,
I know how frustrating it can be but be patient. She probably nervous as its her 1st time.Just try to get your g/f to relax...maybe if shes laying down that will help. Get her to open her legs and GENTLY use your fingers (make sure yr finger nails have been cut & are not sharp!!). Try with 1 finger 1st...slowly and try not to put it completely in. Look at her & kiss her when you are doing this to reassure her.
Let her get on top of you and allow her to gently come down on your penis, that way she can control the degree of penetration and any pain that she will experience. Dont forget to use protection....to avoid any unwanted pregnancies.
If you show her plenty of love and affection, things will in time get easier.
Sorry to critize another angony aunt, but I dont think that the advice from Adcop was relavent
A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (27 November 2010):
 She is probably nervous, and tense down below. It's not something you can really control, even with lots of foreplay, as soon as you go to penetrate her she is probably tensing, then getting frusrated and upset when you can't get in. I would say take things slower - don't aim at full sex just yet. Spend time doing things like having a bubble bath together, giving her a massage, have a glass of wine, and let it lead to foreplay. Leave it at foreplay for a while, let it gradually lead to sex when you know her body is ready. I don't know how you feel about oral sex, but for alot of women, it's really amazing :) If you do go down on her, once she's really into it, try using a finger.
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A
female
reader, KristenJ +, writes (27 November 2010):
I don't think that was a morality question but rather a practical one. There is nothing wrong or sinful about sex and I find previous poster's answer unhelpful. When done properly between two consenting adults involving mutual respect and matching of each other's values and expectations sex can be a very positive experience for both parties. To the OP you are not necessarily doing anything wrong as there is a medical condition called vaginismus and while only a qualified physician can make a diagnosis I know of people who overcame the same problem and went on to have fulfilling sex lives. If the problem persists I would suggest seeing a doctor about it. It can solve everything. I am wishing you the best of luck.
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A
male
reader, Adcop  +, writes (27 November 2010):
You know something. Sex is for married people, so if you cant have that sex now consider yourself lucky cos you are not sinning against God and your body. So just try to see more positive things you guys can do together rather than sex.
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