A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:As I am getting older I’m finding that outside influences make me conscious of my aging and like there is somehow something wrong with me or less attractive about me because I’m a woman getting older. It seems that every se one ad on is about how to look younger or get rid of wrinkles and nearly always showing women women not menMovies seem to have older men with wives easily twenty or thirty years younger. This seems like a regular thing. It also seems like the biggest complement someone thinks they can give a woman is that you look young for your age , as if liking like an older woman is a horrible thing to be avoided at all costs . I simply feel like it’s an uphill battle to feel good about myself with each birthday that passes Why is there so much pressure on women to stay youthful . So men really find us so repulsive as we age. I realise that some menLove their long term partners from a bonding type perspective but I’m referring purely to the physical aspects and why there is so much luck back against women looking older. Is that why so many lust after younger women
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female
reader, Ciar +, writes (30 June 2019):
 I suspect you've relied on your looks a little more than you're willing to admit to yourself. My own experience has been quite different. I love getting older. I'm in no hurry to be 90, but I would not go back to being in my twenties. I'm treated far better now than I was then, my opinions carry more weight, I'm not expected to please everyone all the time. I'm more comfortable being honest about what I want and need, and people are usually fine with that. These type of 'blame society' questions are typically asked by people who haven't lived up to their own expectations. An older woman might be less likely to draw unsolicited compliments on her beauty than a woman in her twenties would, but that is because most folks probably assume that older women are not as receptive to flattery.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2019): Money doesn’t explain why the pressure is so much more on women than men . If we lived in a world where men’s looks were as highly praised as women’s and men were sexualises to the same degree lots more money could be made from men that way The fact is men are not held to anywhere near the same standards . Movies routinely male show movie stars in their fifties and sixties with female love interests twenty and thirty years younger, the majority of anti wrinkle anti ageing advertisements are aimed at women You can claim it’s women who buy these products but there’s a reason women are buying them. If money were the reason the marketers would go after money from women and men but they don’t go after men anywhere near as much because they know that as a society nobody cares too much about men looking older . Men looking older is acceptable and ever distinguished . It’s women who are attacked for looking older !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2019): Why is there so much pressure on women to stay youthful? Money. Simple. If you don't feel terrible about yourself for aging then you won't spend crap tons of money on useless products.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2019): Thank you for all the answers , some very good points raised and some I’d like to answer to As an older woman I’m attracted to many men my age . I don’t find their grey hair or wrinkles a turn off as the women who posted earlier said she finds men her age unattractive . I simply won’t be told that I’m lying when I say I find most men my age more attractive than twenty five year olds and I simply don’t think anyone has the right to say they see inside my ( or any other woman’s head who says she feels the same) and call us liars. I definitely don’t think I’m sour or unhappy or miserable . Realistic and questioning of the world ? Yes but I consider my life happy and know I’m blessed for all I have and the wonderful people in my life I feel it’s a little simplistic and condescending to say women who question. double standards are just being prejudiced . No we are responding to the way older women ( specifically ) are singled out
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2019): Yep, wise owl tells the truth about ageing and attitude towards ageing.
Your attitude can make the whole difference in 'How' you age, and some say your mind set can change your DNA cells, you know those day's that people say 'you look tired' 'believe it' and 'become it'. You could believe you are 'not' old and stay spirited and not let age burden you or you can search for the escape doors and try and avoid what is your inheritance (if we are lucky enough to reach it). As we age maybe it is our duty to send hope to the young generations who will walk the same path one day, we can teach them to fear age , fight it, deny it or we can remind them that it is the spirit that matters.
Life and love is not over because we age, why do we always expect to receive love when we are capable of giving it in different ways.
Age, who cares what people say about age, it's your gift because it means you have lived long enough to have experienced.
I like old people because they have a lifetime of colourful stories and experiences to tell, they have 'lived' and yes they may look like 'time' but their spirits are ageless.
Don't look for validation and bench marks of ageing, just do everything you have always wanted to do (with no numbers attached) be true to yourself however old you believe you are. My father now an old 'coffin dodger' always taught us children that 'Mind is king'?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2019): You should associate yourself with people who uplift your spirits and not be so focused on people who bring you down.
Let's start with your own ageist attitude and aversion to growing older. You have to change your own attitude; because you can't control what other people think! You don't have to date men who like younger women. You don't even have to give them the time of day! You don't have to waste your money on wrinkle-creams; or listen to commercial ads advocating fighting the natural process of aging. Good genes will do that for you!
Accept compliments graciously, even when they don't come across as politically correct. It's the kindness intended, nobody is prepared for your negative-reaction to a compliment! It's however you want to take it! If you choose to be insulted, it's based on your own prejudices against the aged!
All we can do is properly groom ourselves, eat right, and try to stay healthy and active to prolong life; and improve our quality of life as we age.
You can get caught-up and embittered by the things you have no power over; or you can march to the beat of your own drum!
I've known people who have gone from one extreme to the other. Face-lifts, liposuction, fillers, and Botox injections. Lines in their faces with jet-black hair? Usually those drastic options are the preference of the wealthy; or if you're so conceited and self-indulgent that you think your professional-life depends on your outward-appearance.
Actually the laughs on them, if people know they're in their late 60's; and their ears are touching in the back of their heads! Anyone can guess you must have had a face-lift! If you feel you had to, that's your choice! Those who know you, know you're 60-something! The comedienne Joan Rivers had a wonderful attitude about aging; making fun, while still going for whatever money could buy to hide it! Vanity rules in our society, and men don't force anyone to be that way! It's a matter of choice or conditioning. I'd rather not buy into it, because money can't stop time! You can't force people to ignore your age! Because it is what it is!
Then on the other-hand, there's the extreme opposite on the other end of the spectrum. People who never bother to exercise, eat horribly, sitting around moping and complaining; while hating life and everybody in it! Life passes them by, they get stiff, flabby, and overweight; when they could have enjoyed all the time they complained about. I know I am! I thank God every morning for the breath of life, and good-health! Yes, I get treated like a senior-citizen by 30-something year-olds; but I'm in better physical-shape than some of them. What can I do? Let myself go, and hate myself? Hell no!
EVERYBODY GETS OLDER! Unless you die as a baby, or in your youth. Industry makes money on our vanities and greed; so you either give-in to it, or you make the best of life!
The only reason men are attracted to younger-women, is because they are still firm and youthful. Nature wired men to still be attracted to women capable of bearing young; while many men can still father children well into our most advanced years. However, time takes its toll; but then that becomes no longer an option!
In the gay world, nobody in humanity could be more narcissistic and youth-oriented than gay-men! You may as well love yourself, grow old graciously; and let nature take its course! Sorry Old-Bird, you don't get the young boys anymore! C'est la vie! They may love your bank account; but don't delude yourself into thinking it's you!
Being turned-on by pretty ladies (of any age) doesn't mean mature-men have absolutely no preference or attraction for older mature-women. There comes a point in everyone's maturity when looks are no longer relevant. You have no right to generalize or stigmatize all men with those who lust for young-women and totally reject women their age. Visually, what looks more appealing to you? A wrinkled flabby old guy in his 80's, or a healthy fit guy in his 50's or 60's? You won't be honest, like most women. simply to support your own sexist argument. Like women don't care what men look like or how old they are. Bull!!!
Lets be realistic, young-women are repulsed and disgusted by wrinkled old leches who drool after them. The exceptions are there, but they're rare; and money or wealth has to compensate for the lack of attractiveness or good-looks. There is very little action in the bedroom, unless there is a shopping-spree or huge diamond as a bribe! He can want in one hand, and spit in the other! If he can't accept being old, too bad...reality is reality! Youth isn't contagious, you can't catch it by dating younger-women! You just appear as if you're out with your daughter or granddaughter! Always correcting servers or strangers you're a couple, not relatives!
Why become embittered and cynical over the worst in human-nature when it's all a matter of your outlook and self-image? You may as well like yourself and embrace getting older! You're the only you you're going to get! Whether men like it or not! We've been aging since we were embryos!
If you hate being older, that's YOUR problem! It's about your attitude and prejudice towards aging; if that's the mindset that you've adopted.
I embrace my silvery beard and salt and pepper hair; and enjoy the distinguished appearance that tells the world I'm over 50, and there's nothing anybody can say or do about it! I still like to go to the gym; and I'm active, because that's how Ive been since I was a teenager. My dad was the same. Healthy and active into his 80's!
My mother died at 42, but my grandmother embraced aging like each year meant she was a finer wine. Indigenous Native American people, like my grandparents, embrace aging for it's wisdom and respect. So that example was set before me, and I've adopted it to this day! Honor your elders! Hope you'll live as long and prosper! Take care of yourself for vitality and good health! You won't be a raving beauty or Adonis all your life; but you can be healthy, wise, and happy!
Let others believe what they want to believe. It only bothers you if you let it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2019): To add regarding the whole biological thing that often gets raised as a reason for men liking younger women . Men’s sperm quality also reduces after age forty leading to much higher chances of birth defects and autism from older father and showing that the prime time for reproduction for both women and men is younger adulthood . Something that is now debunking the evolutionary theory
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (21 June 2019):
 If all women woke up tomorrow, looked in the mirror and said "I am what I am and I am happy as I am", the industries which rely on women feeling insecure about themselves would all go bump overnight.
For me, the beauty of getting older is that you become more comfortable in your own skin. You realize that having a few more or less wrinkles will not make a massive difference to your life. Having a few more or less grey hairs will not change your life. Having false nails or eyelashes will not change your life. These things only matter if you ALLOW them to matter.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2019): Yes women become invisible as we age. So, if women still want male attention, they have to try to stem the tide of time. I was quite good looking as a young woman and as a middle aged woman. I have aged well and I wanted to, I felt better and happier if I looked good. I wouldn't resort to surgery, but I have looked after myself. I used to get attention and be a head turner and all the rest of it. Now, approaching sixty, I am invisible. Except to much older men. Who are invisible to ME. Other than as friends. I have got used to the fact that I no longer attract attention and I am glad now. Most of it is unwanted attention and can be crude in its nature. Human beings, especially men, are hard wired to be attracted to young women who can still create life. I cannot. And I am unattractive to the vast majority of men out there, WHO I WOULD STILL BE INTERESTED IN. So, it goes both ways. Older men hold no instant attraction for me. It's nature, it's human nature. Either buy into the billion dollar industry that plays on the insecurity of women and try to slow the ageing process down or get on with what you have left and enjoy it. Or both!I see a lot of elderly people in my job and attraction is in the smile, the eyes, the personality, the sense of fun. Someone's face come alive when they are talking and laughing. What other people see is not what one sees when one looks in the mirror in a static pose. People either see laughing and happy and someone they would be happy to spend time with, or frowning and pinched and someone people want to get away from. No wrinkle cream in the world can get of that.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (21 June 2019):
 OP, I understand how you are feeling and society really does focus on age and looking good (God only knows what the stars go through to stay youthful!) but it doesn't mean that you have to fall into that trap. Love yourself, embrace your age and accept who and what you are, what you can and cannot do.
I am 57. I dont look it and MOST of the time I don't look it. People cannot believe my age. I was blessed with fabulous genes and I take care of myself but trust me...my body knows how old I am! Sometimes it lets me know too.
I can't change my age and even with all the cosmetic surgery in the world..I'm still 57. I don't want to be fake or try to live up to anyone's expectations. I am happy in my own skin and I don't give a flip if a man doesn't like my age or wants a younger chick. Then let him go find that young chick. More power to him. Yes some men as they get older are desperately trying to hold onto youth and think they need a younger hot chick on their arm. WHATEVER...old fools.
A smart man knows his ladies worth and cherishes her for who she is, not her age. NOT all men want a young woman. My husband is 6 years younger than me and he finds any woman under 40 rather silly. He says he wouldn't even know how to talk to someone young. We appreciate each other at the age that we are.
Please don't be so down and hard on yourself. Find people with similar interests to you and stop worrying about age. It really is just a number and darn it..we still haven't figured out to regress and go backwards with age so as Honeypie says..why be miserable about it??? Live darling...embrace life.
Just as a little bit of frivolous info..my former sister in law has had 3 face lifts. She's now in her early 70's. Honey..she looks her age and then some. They didn't last and she got old just like the rest of it. Time shows no mercy to anyone....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 June 2019):
 It all comes down to reproduction. It's not JUST entirely about commercials or superficiality. It's biology. It's evolution. It's life.
OLD men can still father children, OLD women can't.
I'm 50 and don't GIVE a SINGLY flying F about whether people still find me pretty or give me attention or whatever. And I haven't met ANY man who were "repulsed" by my age. Are there men out there like that? Sure. Women too.
All I can say it, AGE with grace. Adjust to the changes, enjoy life. And STOP giving OTHER people that much power in your life.
Think about elephants. A herd of elephants are lead by and OLDER matriarch. Because SHE has knowledge and experience. She knows the routes to take, the good and bad watering holes, how to keep them all safe. She may not be as "pretty" as the younger ones, but SHE knows her own value and so does MOST of the other elephants around her.
Just enjoy life, look at the GOOD parts. And if some random man is "repulsed" by you being over 20.. SOD HIM! Who cares?
The irony is that many of these "ageist" old men can't attract a younger mate, and if they do.. well they have a hard time keeping up or even... getting it up.
WHY fret over things you can't change?
Why not JUST enjoy life as it is? Be around OTHER people who ALSO enjoys life? Instead of feeling miserable over the inevitable?
Why BUY into the whole "you need wrinkle creams and surgery"? Age with grace and know that you DO NOT have to give a single flying F about what other's MIGHT think of your looks. AS long as you can accept them and enjoy them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2019): Some men find women repulsive.This is a good indicator that you dont need their company.The fashion industry promotes skinny waif like females in gawky and unnatural poses.The world has many mysoginists and people quite willing to degrade women for whatever purpose they have.Most women dont go overboard about the value of looks..either their own or other people.How you look is not particularly significant in many situations.If you value yourself in any way you wont go overboard about looks or lack of looks and you will learn to filter out negative attitudes and people.Everyone worries a bit about how they will be treated as they get older but unless you are buffetted by wealth you will understand that you cannot control all circumstances in life and you might as well just keep on living the best life you are capable of for as long as possible.If you can feel happy enough to smile it is a bonus.
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