A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Do I tell my husband or not that his adult daughter is putting nasty things on social media about him, things like he's not been around for years and other horrible stuff, which is untrue we took her out for dinner last weekend! I am assuming it's for attention from people on social media and she is fine with him when she sees him or speaks to him. My husband is oblivious and not sure if that's better for him or not? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2019): Stay out of it. She's not your kid and their relationship is their problem. It sounds like you don't really have the full story tbh because if he was so great, she wouldn't be doing that. I wouldn't speak to her because she will likely tell you to mind your own business. If you get involved you'll only create further tension.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 June 2019):
 Dont tell him, but do have a chat with her and ask why she posts those things and if she really means them, and in which case encourage her to talk to her father about it instead of posting it for everyone to see online.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2019): Such things can be read by employers, prospective clients, and your neighbors. Why is she maliciously slandering her father? Is there any truth to it? Are you in denial? He should know what is being publicized about him on social media. If he is known for a short-temper or rage, don't instigate trouble. If it's not all that serious, don't blow it out of proportion! Just ask her to stop!
You may see one thing, but she could see something in her father entirely different. In any case, she has no right to publicize it true or untrue; if it could cause him any harm, loss of employment, or financial-loss.
You should keep copies of all that she publicizes and show it to an attorney to determine if it rises to the degree of defamation of character. If there is no truth to it, you can simply file a complaint with the social media complaint department. She can be suspended for bad-behavior or lose privileges.
If you're covering for your husband's past bad-behavior; then it's up to him to confront his daughter about it, and work things out. Maybe you had the chance to fix this in the past, but you didn't. You chose sides, now it's coming back to haunt both of you.
For the most part, people pay little attention to griping brats. So much junk is posted, nobody remembers or cares! Let your husband speak to her and see if things can be resolved. If not, pursue legal-recourse. If she tries to smear people for the sake of entertainment, there's a lesson to be learned!
If she's not included in his will, she shouldn't be surprised. Although I don't recommend spite from the grave, it's better to make peace with your children while you're living! She has a bone to pick, so now is the time to address it.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 June 2019):
 Well, a parent may take you out for dinner every single weekend, yet never having being around for years emotionally / affectively / psychologically. And an adult child may want to mantain , for a variety of reasons, a non-conflictual relationship with a parent, and yet feel that said parent has failed them / let then down big time..
Not saying that your husband is at fault for anything in particular- who knows : maybe his daughter just wants attention , like you say, , or maybe she is mentally unbalanced, or whatnot. Just to stress how sharing a meal with her occasionally does not mean, and does not show ,that your husband is / was , or is perceived as, an unreproachable parent ; or that his daughter has at all nothing to kvetch about- from her perspective.
Anyway, no, I would not rat her out. In fact, if this is your stepdaughter, I would stay out of it altogether, you would be treading on dangerous, delicate ground. A father/ daughter relationship may be a very sensitive, private , personal issue , where getting involved may cause more harm than good, unless of course either party asks you to get involved.
IF, but only if, you have a very good , deep relationship with this woman, - something quite more than formally civil when you dine out together,- you may want to approach her telling her that you have read on her social media something that has surprised and worried you, and if there is anything you can do or say to help "fix " what seems to be a problem with her dad- and see what she says, if she wants to explain what happened or just vent her feelings…. But if she does not , I'd back solidly off- your intervention, although well meant, risks being as productive as the bull's in a china shop.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 June 2019):
 Have you talked to her?
I mean she is an ADULT. So why not go to her first and ask her what is up with that "smear campaign" of hers?
Then (depending on her answer and reactions) I would perhaps talk to him, but I would ALSO block her feeds or even remove her from social media.
Some people build their own little fantasy world (in a sense) on their social media. Where things are either "perfect" or "tragic" or whatever narrative they want other's to see. The thing is YOU know the truth. WHO cares if strangers don't?
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (21 June 2019):
 I’d leave it. They have to work things out themselves. She’s venting about something, presumably from before you were on the scene, and it’s their job to communicate it.
...............................
|
