A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys my girlfriend broke up with me 4 weeks ago a 6 month relationship. The thing is she's married and older 10 years she’s 28 I'm 18. Things were great I was moving closer to her she was making it clear it was over with her hubby. To make it easier for you to see my point of view I’ll start from the beginning. I met her in November 2012 I was nervous have you ever head love first sight well this was it. I had to know her I tried to speak but nothing I had to say something so I said what I was thinking you have a sexy voice she looked at me and smiled thank you I was shocked. We talked for a little bit laughing and out of nowhere I have a husband she said it quietly. I think great just my luck of course you do but she gave me her skype and Facebook and I found out she lives 10 hours away family. But just being friends was ok. So over the next couple weeks we became closer talking a few hours a day. After a while I met her husband a grade A fool. He fought with her all the time making her so upset. She began telling me how he treats her how they fight how she can’t have friends. I would come her down and make her laugh and tell jokes made her feel better. Over these weeks I started becoming depressed all I wanted was her I thought dreamed about her everyday it started to hurt. She noticed I was sad asking me am I ok I can talk to her and I told her I’m fine but she knew better. One night she calls me crying her eyes out telling me she hates him she’s done she’s leaving. I calm her down and get her to listen thing will be ok I was so mad this guy does this to her. We talked all night and she fell asleep talking to me the next day I introduced her to some friends on skype to help her feel better They hit it off great laughs jokes fun what she needed. She started telling me I have great singing voice she hears me singing boyz 2 men neyo etc all the time and she tells me to sing for her all the time so that’s what I did. She stared to ignore her husband not letting him upset her r their 2 year old. I was happy but sad. She got me to tell her my childhood a hard time for me. I told her how I beat and bullied at school how girls singled me out and picked on, me having to drop out of school.she did the same she told me her childhood her relationship with her husband how she hasnt loved him for half their 9 year marrige. we were getting closer by the day after a night with our friends she said, "I had a dream about you," I’m thinking ok more jokes I reply really go on she replied that things were hot and heavy I reply go on thinking it’s a joke she replies I love your singing it gets her hot I say i'll be sure to sing more often.After that she was more attached always talking to me 24/7 I enjoyed it. She finally told me how she felt told me I drove her crazy she was in love with me and she couldn’t take it anymore. I told her how I felt I was madly in love with her. My dream became a reality talking 24/7 saying I love you thing started becoming very sexual sending sexts phone sex pics we were dying for each other. Over these next few months we had problems her breaking up with me thinking it’s too much but never more than a few days but I kept cool each time and she came back. but not seeing each other drove us crazy so she came to see me.But the day she came down wasn’t the right time started of her getting a text from her husband have fun be safe it said made her feel bad but she came down anyway she never told him where she was really going. when she got here I hugged her tight kissing her that night was the best night ever had we were on the beach holding hands kissing holding each other that night I asked her to marry me she said yes of course I will we made plans for a year to wait to sleep together the next day we woke up happy kissing each other she tells me it will always be you,no matter what you are my soul mate no matter what I say or do remember that. we went to breakfast this is where thing got bad her husband calls yelling arguing in this restaurant these words il never forget I was in love with you and I wanted you. I was quiet after that. After breakfast she looked tired falling asleep in the car I told her to rest I'll be back in 30 mins had to head home for shower so I kissed her we said love you and off I went. After I got out of the shower I got a text from her I’m sorry but I have too much going on for this. I was heart broke but I kept my cool I went back to the hotel she kissed me acting like nothing happened so that day went on like that happy but confusing she was leaving and gave me a hug and a kiss I told her I’m yours always and forever she smiled I can’t have you my heart sank. I hugged her tighter letting her go. I was a mess crying not able to look at her picture. Around 3am I sent a very long text saying everything how much I loved her reminding her that I’m everything she said i was asking her not to overthink this. Not knowing she had food poisoning and not knowing the effects I caused from these texts. She became furious telling me I’m crazy I changed she can’t handle this and deleted my contact skype Fb and number. I was so upset I sent her a voice mail telling her I was sorry for the texts not to treat me like that but I was crying still. this made her even more mad calling me insane calling me my full name instead of my nick name she gave me she said she’s not treating me anyway don’t call me again. I was so confused on how all the love she had turned into hate. I was so sad crying all day and a mutual friend my best friend asked to help I told him this and he got her talking again treating me like a dog but our friends like gods she got mad so easily telling me to shut up when I sang a song got mad when I tried talking to our friends hating things she used to love she became so cold in her own way telling me guys don’t cry ignoring me being very mean in a friend-enemy way but still talking to our friends laughing completely acting like I’m not there. But she told me she has no feelings for me she loves him not me she’s sorry. She started becoming nice again kind of talking to me laughing like we did but she got sick a lot those weeks. I asked her if something was wrong if she tell me and hope she feels better she ended up deleting me again telling me I’m still crazy I asked her to just stop she told me she can’t be friends. so I haven’t talked to her for 12 days cutting contact my friends says she sometimes asks about me I don’t believe that she talks to them every day still acting like I was never real my question is why is she acting like this making me the bad guy what changed for her to hate me and treat me like this was I played I still love her so much I sleep all day barley able to eat and I think she doesn’t care I think she hates me if anyone can explain please do thank you
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, bullied, depressed, facebook, I love you, kissing, phone sex, soulmate, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2013): thanks guys but i left school due to surgery not able to get there. anyways i didnt relise i was being immature but it helps hearing this its just hard. its a good thing we diddnt sleep together. i know it was wrong being with her i just could help it hearing she felt the same. i guess hearing her cry and me cry are 2 differnt things. il work on geting more active and being wiser
A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (23 April 2013):
 I can't really add anything to the amazing advice the other aunts have given you because they are so right. It's probably not what you want to hear, but it's what you need to hear, so please please listen to them and follow their suggestions. You need to stop moping around for a married woman that you met, what, twice in real life and the rest of the time had an imaginary relationship with online. If you want a real relationship, get off the internet and start searching amongst real people. Also, with you being so damaged by past experiences, you are probably looking for someone who can 'save' you and someone whom you can 'save'. That is the wrong attitude. Believe me, I have done the same thing and it doesn't work. Lastly, maybe it works for some women, but for me if a guy started singing and crying and begging me to love him, it would put me right off him as a person. I have no problem with men crying or showing emotions, but desperation is really off-putting. Just for the record, I also hate when women turn on the waterworks. Go with Aunt Denise's suggestion of helping others. This will take your mind off your pain and help to put things into perspective. Right now you are completely wrapped up in this big drama, but working with people who are less privileged is an eye-opener.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2013): I will start off by saying I am sorry that you dropped out of school, for all the wrong reasons. It's close to impossible these days to make a living without an education. I urge you to get a GED and attend community college or a trade school, to be able to be independent in life.You are just a kid and you were nothing more than this lady's boy toy. Sitting around on your laptop computer waiting to be found by some online predator. She knew you would be putty in her hands. Too much time on your hands, dropped out of high school, just wasting your life away.She played you and took advantage of your age and inexperience.All that talk about love, this and that, was just to suck you in. She wanted to have an affair outside her marriage. When she was done with you, she dumped you cold and hard. You're not the one who's crazy, she is. She left her husband and child to play around with some 18 year-old boy's head. Why? Because she could.Older people meet younger people online with all sorts of sneaky intentions. You are young, under-educated, and at an age when your body is super-charged with hormones. She just needed someone to satisfy her fantasies, and probably cheats on her husband all the time. When she has had enough fun, she just goes back to her home where she belongs.You learned a good lesson and you deserved to get your heart-broken. There are rules in life and some shouldn't be broken. You are not old enough or experienced enough to be messing around with married women. You should respect the fact that a woman has a husband, and keep your penis in your pants where it belongs. That lady was a bad example of an adult. She has no respect for her child, husband, or herself. You, least of all!You are wasting your life away and you should be preparing to be able to take care of yourself. Talking about marriage when you can't really support yourself is way beyond foolish. She knew you didn't know what you were talking about, trying to be all serious. While her husband was home with her child, she's fooling around with you.She doesn't hate you and she doesn't love you. She used you. You helped her to pretend she was a teenager again. You helped her to forget she had a husband, a child, and real responsibilities. You were just a playmate until she got tired of playing around and realized she needed to get back to real life. She betrayed her husband and you helped.That was wrong. Would you like some guy stealing the girl you loved?You will feel the pain of heart-ache for a while. You will soon forget it. That is the advantage of being your age.Whether she had a good or bad marriage was none of your business. You are way over your head, and I'm glad this ended for your sake. This could be very dangerous. Now is the time to make something of yourself. Sitting around searching for creepy old cougars online is going to get you into a lot of trouble. You could catch venereal diseases or some guy could find out you're messing around with his wife or girlfriend, and beat your brains out.You dropped out of school for a stupid reason. Girls picked on you and guys bullied you? Look around you at how many people have survived high school, and you think you were the only one who had a tough time at it? Do yourself a favor and go back to school and get an education, or you will regret you gave up the opportunity. Your parents can't support you forever, and no girl wants a boyfriend who can't afford to even take her to McDonalds.You'll always have menial jobs and get the girls that no one else really wants to be with. You're young, so there's still time to turn things around.I wonder how you afforded a hotel to fool around with some guy's wife, and have so much free time on your hands at 18?You've learned a valuable lesson if nothing else. You deserve better things in life. Happiness, love, an education, and a good job to help raise a family someday.You need to be prepared to at least be able to make a living, to support yourself and buy the things you want and need. Not be some 30 year-old loser trolling online for girlfriends; still living at home with his parents. An education will give you a leg up on life. You'll be less vulnerable to people who think they're smarter than you; and you learn to deal with all sorts of personalities and how to recover from a broken heart. You'll get a better understanding of what life is all about, and how to maneuver your way through it. Smart women deserve smart men.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (23 April 2013):
Congratulations, you met the real her. This is the one her husband has been dealing with for 9 years.
For many women showing weakness (crying about them) is a huge turn off, and a great way for them to lose respect for you.
Learn your lesson. The second lesson is don't fall for married women.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (23 April 2013):
 It sounds like she has simply realised that you are far too young for her, that you are too immature for her and that her own current situation with a husband and child needs sorting out before she can think about being with anyone else.
I think you were just a distraction from reality for her, she will have found the attention flattering and will have enjoyed having a guy who is so into her. When teenage boys have crushes on girls they are very cute and sweet, saying lots of lovely things and making the girl feel very wanted - something she probably wasnt getting at home.
At the end of the day she is MARRIED - her husband got down on one knee to her, declared that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and she said YES. He is 'the one' for her, this is the man that she loves more than anyone else she has ever met and this is the man she wants to grow old with.
Words are meaningless and you need to understand this, she got caught up in the moment with you, swept off her feet so to speak and she lost her grip on reality. Yes she said lots of lovely things to you, but she was confused and in a little bubble with you. Then you got all needy and childish, with all the crying, singing to her and declaring your love for her - it scared her and made her realise that she was in too deep, that you are too immature and the reality is that she wants her marriage to work.
You have to respect the fact that she is married and nothing can ever happen between you. Yes they fight a lot, so do most married couples - it doesnt mean they are breaking up. She might have a bad fight with him one day and claim that she's leaving, but clearly she didnt mean it because she didnt go anywhere! Again actions speak louder than words, this woman is all talk and no action.
The best thing you can do is learn from this experience - yes it sucks to be used like this, but when you start having affairs with married women you run the risk of getting hurt. Stick to girls closer to your own age who are single, and you will have a much better chance of happiness.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (23 April 2013):
 First thing I'll say is I'm sorry to hear you are in so much emotional pain.
HOWEVER, the second thing I'm going to say is: you are behaving like an idiot!
Harsh? Yes. But really, you are 18. That's young, but still old enough to know better than to get involved with a married woman!!
Don't you realize that's the wrong thing to do? Once married, two people are supposed to be for ONE ANOTHER, not one or the other going off having affairs. That, my friend, is known as betrayal.
It's not for you to judge her husband - even though his behavior sounds atrocious in the way he treated her.
You don't, for one thing, know HIS side of the story: what she's like at home and what he has to put up with, and I expect you don't care. However, her problems with him and his with her, are for THEM to resolve. Her running off with a MUCH younger man and having an affair with you is escapism, as opposed to trying to heal what's wrong with her marriage.
I will say in all fairness that we don't - and nor do you - know what steps she has taken to try to make her relationship with her husband better.
Now this woman is badmouthing you, yelling at you, offering insults and telling you she hates you. One wonders if that is how she is inclined to behave toward her husband. But that is THEIR business, not yours.
You know something? By treating you like this she is doing you a favor! It hurts like hell, true, but you should thank your lucky stars for this rough wake up call!
I urge you to start being a bit more active: going out and about, eating properly and at least attempting (difficult as its going to be for a while) to take an interest in other things; maybe helping out someone who can't help themselves - perhaps you could volunteer to spend some time in a soup kitchen.
Good wishes to you.
...............................
|
