A
male
age
51-59,
* want it all
writes:My girlfriend of the past two months used to communicate everything to me, as I do with her about her, me, and us. It was the most amazing thing when we started dating to get to know this woman so openly and freely. But now she has backed off and has not had the time to even communicate back and forth with me(we live 100 miles apart) so text messages and IM, and phone calls are all we have for weeks on end between our visits. Plus she says she loves me, and that we are good, but she has too much on her plate and doesn't want to talk about it. So am i supposed to respect her and back off on asking if she wants to talk about anything(which we go a week or more without actually talking) and I am the one who initiates 95% of our communications. I don't know what to do. Do i back off and give her the space she appears to need, or keep trying(which makes me feel like this is yet another one sided relationship where I am always the one to initiate ALL communications) Female advice would be much appreciated on this one, as her and i have fallen madly in love and talked in the first two weeks about how well suited we are for each other - Marriage, babies, and living happily ever after(which i have always wanted) And never more than with her... I am confused as to why she is now backing off after giving me everything i wanted to see so openly, and not making any time for me? Help please, and thanks.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 May 2011):
 You don't say how old your GF is. that makes a difference to me...
Think of your relationship like a boat. YOU are in the front rowing the boat thinking she is sitting behind you in the back also rowing the boat. You're rowing really hard so you figure you will take a break from rowing, figuring that her rowing will continue to carry your relationship forward. BUT the boat just STOPS. Because she's NOT rowing. She's NOT pulling her weight.... she's coasting with you doing all the work.
IF you stop "rowing" this relationship boat and it does not continue some forward movement, she's not all that interested...
My BF of nearly 7 months is about 100 miles from me. It takes me about 2 hours in the car to drive to him and it takes him a couple of hours on the train to get to me...
We are together EVERY weekend now. We were not in the beginning of course we grew into that at about 4 months into it when we were able to finally get serious.
We start and end our days with phone calls when we are not together... we text occasionally to each other and email to each other as well.
there are days we send over 50 emails and have 10 phone calls... they are often short one idea things that we can't forget....
I'd back off and see if she rows... if she does not, it may be time for you to guard your heart and plan to move on.
LDRS are hard. 100 miles apart is NOTHING in the LDR world.
A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (25 May 2011):
You say you have "fallen madly in love" , but has she? Her behaviors are not indicating that she is madly in love with you. I'm sorry - I am NOT trying to be mean. I am madly in love with my boyfriend of five months and I text him multiple times a day. He texts me also. We speak every day - if not twice a day. And now he is 3000 miles away for the next few months.I would back off - and see if she comes around. Before you do that, I'd tell her how you are feeling. Say, "I love you, and I want us to be together, but it feels like you are having reservations. So I'm just going to give you space and call me whenever you want. I love you".Then back off. If she is really in love - she will miss you and call you - or text you silly little things.Good luck - I hope it works out - if it's meant to be.
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