A  ,
anonymous
writes:I am a middle aged female. My very best friend is also a middle aged female. She say's she has had low self-esteem all of her life. What I don't understand about low self-esteem in regards to my friend, is when she thinks I am distancing myself or if I don't tell her how much she means to me she gets all ticked off and distant. If she thinks I am spending to much time with another friend (someone she doesn't like) she again will distance herself and not email me for a day or so. It seems to me and I may be way off base here, but it seems to me that if a person has low self-esteem they wouldn't distance themselves from the very people that love them. Any advice on this would help!!Thank you
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female
reader, Mystery Girl +, writes (2 February 2010):
we don't get hurt anymore. we don't enjoy one bit of it. it actualyl kills us inside and we truely want to be close but we are to afraid to reach out and be open.
When i get too close to someone and we feel unwanted we stray and act like we feel nothing. it's our protectant blacket. We act like nothing is wrong and try to distance ourselves so that we don't get hrut again. we push people away so that we don't have to worry about getting hurt. The fact that we push the person away shows how we want to feel wanted but when we don't or feel replaced it's hard for us to deal.
Trust me i've been through alot and it's made me who i am today. My past is what made me...me. I'm not 100% happy with that but who is?
A
female
reader, Mystery Girl +, writes (2 February 2010):
Take it from someone who does the exact same thing.....
i'm 18 years old and i've had low self esteem and depression for years.
the real reason as to why she is distancing herself from you is because when you talk to your other friend she doesn't feel needed. it's the fact that she doesn't feel wanted makes her not want to be close. What i'm trying to say is that things in the past make someone like me and her is that something has made us afraid of being hurt... so when we feel unwanted we push the person away so that we don't get hurt anymore. we don't enjoy one bit of it. it actualyl kills us inside and we truely want to be close but we are to afraid to reach out and be open.
When i get too close to
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): What I should have said is that she loves her husband but is not IN LOVE with him!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFrom what I understand her step-father was hard on her. Made her pay her own way once she got a job etc. In fact she told me the only reason she got married was to get away from him. So she isn't even in love with her husband even though they have been married 34 years.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 February 2010):
I know it's confusing. All you can do is carry on. I wouldn't be too quick to send her those emails either. They are her 'fix', if you like. She's a woman who needs to feel needed, or she's worried she's worthless. There is nothing you can do about it yourself. She has to sort it. Next time she starts to distance herself, don't be quick to respond. If she has a go, explain that you're hurt she is pulling away from you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYour right! It's her problem. She can get kind of weird on me sometimes. For instance if I tell her a friend wants to go out to a party or something, she tells me I should go and have a good time, live it up, life is short!! But when I go and she asks me about it--she acts like she is unhappy about it and will be very short in her emails to me and she starts to withdraw from me, UNTIL I tell her how much she means to me and how much I need her in my life!!! It's just confusing!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (31 January 2010):
They do. Low self esteem can manifest itself in a variety of ways. Some people become very clingy, others become angry or jealous, and some distance themselves in fear of getting to close and getting hurt. However, this is her problem, not yours. I'm not saying don't be there for her, but don't think you need to do more than you already are. Don't become the emotional rock.
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