A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am curious about this. It seems that to some women the worst sin a man can commit is looking at porn and I don't get it. They are just images on a screen of women he most likely will never meet or ever have a chance with. The chances of him actually cheating with these women is two million to one so why is this such an issue of contention?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2016): It's not for all girls!
I love porn and will watch it regularly, the only issue I have involving porn and boyfriends is that if I'm not getting anything from him despite trying and he is still masturbating to porn.
But that's not an issue with porn that's and issue with him.
Most women will have an issue because they feel self conscious and think thats what their men want not always the case of course.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2016): The funny thing about this is all boyfriends I've ever had have hated it when I've had a crush on a male actor or musician, yet they believed porn was harmless. I actually believe if women were as likely to lock themselves in a room and masturbate to other guys when their partners were out or busy; or save dozens of photos of naked men on their phone and say it's just their way of getting some sexual variety without cheating, men wouldn't like it much either. I don't know many guys who are totally cool with their girlfriends drooling over /getting off to other men so I don't understand why they don't understand when the roles are reversed??
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (18 June 2016):
By nature, human beings are not monogamous. For men that is especially true. While we may dearly love our partner and be ideally matched in many respects, it is difficult to keep the bon fire burning in the bedroom. That is just the nature of relationships.
Good or bad, porn is a way for people to exercise their attractions to other women and/or men. Although it lacks personal contact, porn is much easier, convenient, trouble-free and usually a less expensive way to go about having a sexual relationship with multiple partners.
I am fine with porn except when it is done behind the back of a partner and/or is damaging to a relationship. On the contrary, partners who enjoy porn together likely benefit with improved sexual relationship.
I am surprised at how previous responses have lumped all porn into one evil basket. The entire body of porn tends to be judged on its worst and most offensive content and marketing methods. There are at least a few companies - Girlfriends Films being at the top - which treat women with respect and have thoughtful and often romantic story lines. On the other end of the spectrum is child porn and violence-based porn, which seems to have the greatest effect on the public's general opinion of porn. It is disturbing to think there is even a market for this stuff.
Personally, I am more upset by all the free porn being offered on the internet, without any requirement for age verification. Any kid on a computer lacking a parental filter can get onto one of the hundreds free porn websites and watch any kind of porn, often that which is degrading and violent. I think this is a big problem in society and don't know why our government hasn't done anything about it. We don't sell cigarettes to kids, why let them watch porn at any age?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2016): The average porn producer's attitude about women is much nastier than the average male viewer's attitude.
There is a hardcore porn fan base that BUYS a lot of porn and other casual online surfers who just grab free stuff all the time - guess which audience they cater more to? The buyers.
Not every buyer is a dirtbag but the group does lean MUCH farther that direction on average. Some of the buyers are obsessed & porn-addicted lonely guys with decades of built-up resentment against women.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (18 June 2016):
 Cant speak for all women, but for me i really do struggle with just how degrading it is towards women. I hate the fact because it is so easily accessible that it can be a misguided educator to young men and women. I hate the fact that young women,especially, think in order to please a man should need to subject themselves to such acts because thats a level of sexual pleasure they like, expect or know. Lets face it, how much vanilla porn is out there and if if there is who watches that? Its hard core constantly up the ante stuff. Personally when I know my partner has been getting off to what may well be some woman's emotional and physical misery I feel just that little bit less for him. You don't have to know a woman to feel for her situation. Im more that aware that he is not going to run off into the sunset with some porn star. Thats just too funny
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2016): Some people on high horses around here.
Women fantasize about people & things outside their relationship too. They might do it with a book or a popular movie instead of explicit porn. But its not so different in principle.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2016): "women he most likely will never meet or ever have a chance with"
There it is OP. Women feel like men prefer that type of woman over the real live women they have next to them and sadly some of them do. Then the same men wonder why their women go off sex with them. Well because they don't feel sexy any more, they feel second best and inferior.
The real question is why do men think porn is their divine right? Men survived fine with their hand and a bit of imagination before the digital age so they'd do the same today. If it's just a 'quick release' you are after then that should do you nicely!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2016): Because porn whores are every man's sexual fantasy. And women feel a need to live up to that. And always feel like they are a failure in comparison.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (17 June 2016):
Women typically have problems with men watching porn because of their own insecurities. Eg, their man watching a women who they perceive to be much better looking than them perform sexual acts in a manner that they wouldnt presents a real threat to their value and psyche.
For men, its just a quick release. Women just dont see it that way when its their man looking at another women in a sexual manner.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2016): I actually have a boyfriend who hates porn. It does not arouse him and he finds it a waste of time. Beneath him.
I must have found the only guy on earth who feels this way!
THINK I WILL KEEP HIM!!!
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (17 June 2016):
Firstly, I have no real issue with porn and watch it myself occasionally (only amateur/couples in love though as I can't stand the degrading commentary in some of the other stuff). However I think many women have issues with because ultimately women want to feel special. Logically we know men will always be attracted to other women, but in watching porn they are actually acting on that attraction. The woman may not be present, but the man is and he's getting himself off to her nonetheless.
I'm actually studying this subject at the moment and it seems that men and women behave differently when it comes to sex. Men are the more visual ones (in the sense they become physically aroused/ready for sex via visual stimuli easier than women, not in the sense that women don't value attraction) or the seducers, whereas women are the ones who are desired and seduced. No surprises there really. Ask any woman if she'd be more turned on by receiving a nude or sending one and you'll find that most would rather be the sender (not that it's a good idea mind you!) The idea that a man will become aroused by our body is a sexier notion to lots of women than the idea of seeing a naked man themselves.
Because women like to feel sexy and desired by men.I think the success of Fifty Shades has nothing to do with him being kinky in the bedroom, it's because he's a handsome and eligible bachelor who could have anyone but he chooses an average woman and is devoted to her! That's what lots of women want - to be chosen by the great guy (usually one that is highly eligible to other women) and for him to think she's the sexiest woman on the planet. Of course not all women are expecting a rich and successful (and in the case of Christian Grey, slightly unhinged!) man, but the desire to feel she is his number one choice is a definite requirement.
However, when men watch porn, some women feel they are no longer first choice. They are just one of many. Or worse still - a consolation prize. Most women want to know that despite the fact there may be thousands of other, (objectively speaking) hotter women than her out there, her man would always choose her first because he loves her for more than the sum of her body parts. So when they start looking at those other women and masturbating to them, particularly if it's INSTEAD of sex, well that dream starts to fall apart a bit.
Like I say I have no issue with porn personally, but only if it doesn't affect real life relationships. And as others have said, 100% don't lie! Either find someone you can be with who accepts porn use, or find someone worth giving it up for and actually do that.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 June 2016):
 On-line porn is a means by which a man can leave the "real" world, and partake of a phony "cyber-" world... wherein fantasies do, indeed, get played out before a camera.....
For a woman (or, a man, if the rolls are reversed) it's not surprising for the "offended" partner to question just where he (or, she) stands in the hierarchy of his/her partner's pleasures and desires.....
The act of watching porn is not - just on the face of it - offensive. What IS offensive is that it sends a message to one's partner... which message might well be: "I'm rather content with what goes on between us... but I can't help but partake of this phone reality which appeals to my prurient desires."
How is that supposed to make the "offended" partner feel?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 June 2016):
 It's definitely not the "worst" sin a man can commit in a relationship, but for some it's unacceptable. They don't view porn themselves and don't see the "need" for it.
For some it's out of personal, political and ethical issues that they find it mostly degrading to women.
For some it's "unfair" competition. Basically they feel they can't compare to an "actress" who is not only faking it, but who is also in "professional make up" who seemingly is an expert. For some that is intimidating that their partners are looking at that.
And then you have the insecure ones, we all have SOME insecurities and feeling like you can't live up to some "porn star" level is definitely not pleasant.
And let's not forget the women who are being lied to in the beginning of the dating/relationship... where the guy says, OH I don't use porn - I NEVER watch that stuff... LYING through his teeth because he WANTS to date that woman. And when she find out... it's NOT so much to porn, but the fact that the guy CHOSE to built their relationship on lies.
Personally, I think people who uses porn are lazy. I get that it's instant gratification - but a lover who can use his/her imagination... over porn... is usually a better lover.
I don't use porn, my husband does. I am totally fine with that. His choice, my choice. AS long as the partner doesn't PREFER porn over actual intimacy and sex and as LONG as the partner understand that PORN is NOT reality - I don't have a problem with it. I do find that it's rather exploitative of women and I don't like that, but that is my personal belief and I don't push that on my husband.
So there are plenty of reason why many women don't like porn. What I would suggest is NEVER lie about and find a partner who can accept you and your level of "porn need".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2016): It's not about the chance of cheating, it's about the idea that a man can desire or even think about any other woman, especially naked and hot. For a woman it's important to be sure she's special, and that her man wants just her, not every porn actress in the world.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 June 2016):
 They compare.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (17 June 2016):
 It's not just a women thing; guys can get insecure about it too. I personally find it too fake and cringeworthy, as well as degrading a lot of the time.
It's fine for some, but it gets obsessive for others and I don't think I'd feel comfortable dating someone who watched porn because we'd be incompatible.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 June 2016):
 For some women I think it makes them insecure.
For me, if porn is being used to replace being a lover and partner to a woman (ie being a lover is hard work and they would rather just masturbate because it's faster and easier) then it's wrong.
IF porn is being used to supplement but it is not impacting the sex life of the partner then I have no issue with it.
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