A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok here is my dilema. I am happily married for 18 years now. I have never cheated on my wife or has she ever cheated on me. I have no intentions on cheating on her. I love her more than life itself. She is a very kind hearted and sweet person. She met a guy at work. They do not work together. He works for an outside company. She talks to him when he is there. No problem there. She chats with him on the computer from time to time, nothing out of the ordinary, not really a problem there either. He recently went to jail for a DUI, was on work release, and she has been texting him, asking how he is doing. He replied to one of her texts that is all. She told him she thinks about how he is doing all the the time. She talks about him in her sleep. Somethings she is very distant. We have talked about this often and she says they are just friends and she is worried about him. Whenever she texts him, or checks out his profile on Facebook, she just acts different. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should think or do?
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female
reader, bebe87 +, writes (16 September 2010):
 I think maybe self concisely you may be feeling a bit threatened, and therefore you are taking each and every second of contact towards your wife as, "she is acting different" It really could be nothing, then again give her the opportunity to put you at ease. Perhaps you should sort of make light of the whole matter, try a different approach. After all you do know much if not all contact they have with each other, it would be different if she was hiding all this from you, but doesn’t seem that way to me. Let me put my shoes in her spot for a second. Tell me a couple things about this 'man' is he near or around the same age as your wife? Is he married? Have you met this so called 'guy she is worried about'? If he is that good of a friend to her, then maybe you should meet him! Present that to her, say "I want to meet this guy, he seems like a really cool guy" don’t come across like there is ANY problem with him. I say this from experience, my bf works with this one girl who always sent him messages that made me really uncomfortable and the day I met her it all kind of made sense. When I was confronted with her, I was NOT threatened in the least bit and I sort of understood their relationship. Now when he talks about her, I say "How is she doing, everything good with her." Sometimes we have to see things in a different perspective.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (16 September 2010):
 Yeah, her contact with this guy is getting out of hand. Talking about someone in your sleep means that they are likely in your head a lot. Then again, I've heard some really random stuff from people in their sleep.
How is your relationship? Have you ever talked about problems that you're trying to work on?
I think you should sit down and have a talk. Instead of talking about the obvious (this guy), talk about your relationship. Ask her if she's happy. If you've gotten complacent and she wants you to spice things up. Show your concern for your marriage and that you want her to be happy. After discussing this, she'll probably wonder what brought this conversation on. Tell her that she was saying this guy's name in her sleep, and you're worried she wants out of your marriage.
You see, my hope is that by talking about your relationship first, she won't be immediately defensive. Often when we're accused of something, even if it's just a perceived accusation, we get defensive. If you can present it as something that worries you in regard to your marriage, it may strike a different chord. I hope you can work this out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): Dude be careful. She fancies this guy! It seems it could only be a matter of time before she does cheat. This should bother you but you sound like too much of a trusting guy. tell her to stop contacting this guy before its too late.
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