A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It's not really a relationship question but any help would be great! I've been going out with my boyfriend for 8 months and I've never had such a deep relationship or been this close to anyone before. We see each other about every other day and on the days we don't see each other he phones me and we have long chats, just about how our day was and stuff, so everythings cool. But the thing that is really getting me down is my mum. At first she was absolutly fine with it all. Now all of a sudden she's saying it's unhealthy for me to be this close to a guy at this age and that I'm pushing all my friends out the way for him and that me and her never spend time together any more. I've asked all my friends and they say I'm not pushing them away at all. And I spend exactly the same amount of time with my mum because I always see my boyfriend while she's at work anyway. She also all of a sudden does not let me and him be alone together, which I guess is understandable but she never used to mind. My friends have said maybe because I'm her youngest and she doesn't want to see me grow up? Someone I asked even said she might be jealous? I know I've rambled on a bit but I just want to know why she's acting this way and what I can do to help the situation... Thanks! x
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male
reader, Ted-ster  +, writes (7 March 2009):
Your mother was once young; she knows. She's a good Mom. But talk to her about your concerns, and about her concerns, and emphasize that she brought you up well, and that you're capable of making good decisions, just like she taught you. It will make you both feel better. Also, initially emphasize how wonder your BF is - the nioe things he does for you, and that will help bring her around. Parents are protective of their princesses, and rightfully so.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 March 2009):
 I expect she has come to the realization that closeness + alone time = potential for sexual activity. I also would guess that she's trying to protect you from possibly making a mistake without coming right out and telling you she doesn't trust you 100%. She might trust you 95%, but there's that niggling little 5% that might cause her to be called 'grandma' before she's ready.
She's also probably concerned that you're missing out on some experiences because you're so wrapped up in him. I have to tell you, having been on your side of the equation, and now looking back at it years later, my mom had a point. I spent entirely too much time with one boyfriend and missed out on spending time with other people. My circle of friends was much smaller during that time and I regret the missed opportunities for new experiences and friendships. It was really hard NOT so spend so much time with him, he and I were VERY close and did just about everything together. That might have been one of the contributing factors to the break up. We were glued at the hip and weren't developing as individuals as well as we could have been. We frankly suffocated each other and in the end, we couldn't stand to be with each other. So that's something to think about. I know it's hard to do, because I couldn't at your age.
So talk with her about her fears. And don't blame her for wanting the best for you. She loves you and wants you to have an excellent life!
Take care.
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A
female
reader, SJ_ninety +, writes (6 March 2009):
 I want to take a guess at the "theory" that she may just want to keep her last baby as, well, a baby. Parents (including my own) are almost always terrified of the fact that their kids are actually growing up and getting boyfriends and girlfriends and eventually getting married and having children of their own. However, I do understand her issue with getting too close to a guy so early on in life, but that's the whole "growing up and figuring it out" part of life that kids need to go through or else they will never have a successful and/or healthy relationship with a significant other. Try talking to your mum about how you're feeling and if she still doesn't let things go, maybe have your dad talk to her.
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