A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have had this "friends with benefits" for 4years now but he has been moving the relationship forward on an honest level the last year and a half too top that off i was pregnant 3 times the last pregnancy he seemed upset i didnt go through with the pregnancy... discerning as i was and am i kept my guard up ...he never says no or has kept me hanging until now ...he always is defending of me when am not around ... recently he has told me before hand he would be busy with school and juggling his 2 jobs but i feel like maybe i hurt hinm or rejected him that caused him to cool off..my friend assure me that it seems he does like me alot as i do as well... and that he doesnt seem like a con... the dilemma is he is married but she is abroad and i figured on my own she is not really with him on an equal level ..shes needy .. my friends know this as well and still say to go for it.. i know they care my friends will never want to row me into disaster... is this a red flag his cooling off? i dont want him to feel pressure but it was his idea that i shoulkd not serve 2 masters at once? what should i do ? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): lots of people stay in screwed up marriages when they really don't want to. It's not easy to leave a marriage. that's why they cheat instead.
this guy needs to get divorced. he clearly doesn't love or respect his wife if he's been cheating on her for 4 years and got someone else pregnant. What is wrong with him that he is not divorcing her?
he has serious issues. When a married man is cheating and his affair partner is a single woman, I would say between the two of them the married guy is the more messed up. You are not bouncing back and forth between two people. He is.
tell him he needs to sort his head out. If he wants to stay married, then he must break up with you. If he wants to be with you then he must get a divorce first.
A
male
reader, Kilcardy  +, writes (23 February 2011):
How does one move adultery forward on an "honest level"? "He doesn't seem like a con" Keep dreaming. Your friends may not want you to "row into a disaster", but that's exactly what they have been counseling you to do. The guy is MARRIED. MM are always going to con you about how "bad" their wives are or how "needy" they are, or how they "don't understand". I have a newsflash: He's not leaving his wife for you. 4 years!!?? C'mon, wake up and smell the coffee! What should you do? Bail out of this disaster. Don't date married men. You will save yourself a lot of psychological pain and be a lot happier for it throughout your life.
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