A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’m confused. I am a single woman in her 30’s who has not been a relationship now for a year. A few weeks ago started a new job whereby I share an office with three other colleagues, 2 of whom are married men and one of which I find attractive but obviously know he’s off limits. He is a really polite gentleman also in his 30’s, has been married one year and always talks about his wife so I’m sure he must be pretty happy by all accounts. He’s not my boss, although is more senior than me and does not work directly with me so does not have an obvious reason to have to talk to me and generally keeps himself to himself in the office.Even so, one day we got talking about this and that, whilst alone in the office and I don’t know what happened but all of a sudden something changed in the room. It sounds like a cliché but we looked at each other and it was like we both knew that something had changed and that something else was coming into play and I don’t mean lust or the urge to rip each other’s clothes off, or anything like that. I felt weirdly comfortable with him but it was after he had expressed his surprise that I wasn’t married and had children that this deafening silence developed and we were locked in eye contact for a while, smiling and I suddenly felt incredibly happy that he was there. Weird.Certain situations, his behaviour and things he says are now making me wonder whether he likes me more than just a colleague. For example:He asked me what I do for lunch and I replied that I generally just get a sandwich from the canteen and come back to my desk as I don’t really know anyone yet, but mentioned a couple of girls in the department have suggested lunch with me at some point. He then said that if that didn’t work out to let him know and he will have to sort something, like coming to lunch with himself and two other colleagues . I thought it was a nice gesture but felt a bit awkward and was surprised as he’s married, senior to me and doesn’t really socialise with anyone else in our small office. A week or so later one of the women invited me to lunch and I agreed. As I like married guy, let’s call him Andrew, I thought I’d ask him along as we would be in a group. However, I just asked, ‘What are you doing for lunch?’ and when he replied ‘Nothing’ expectantly, I mentioned the others and would he like to join us to which then his tone changed and he said they had asked him but didn’t answer my question. When the women came to meet me one piped up, ‘Andrew’s got a meeting’ and he said he had so couldn’t make it. Yet before, when I had asked him and before I had mentioned us all going as a group he had said he wasn’t doing anything. So one minute he didn’t have a meeting, the next he did, or was it an excuse? Another example I’ve found is that he seems to be incredibly protective and concerned with how people treat me at work, even though he has no reason to be. A case in point is two of the men in our department are constantly coming in to see me about issues which I know is really an excuse to come and talk to me and hang around, particularly as they seem to have caught wind that I am single, and although they work for Andrew one guy in particular spends a bit too long at my desk or trys to be overfriendly. On one occasion this man came into the office whilst I was on the phone and I immediately saw Andrew turn around to look at him and then almost keep a watchful eye over me. He later made a point of asking me what he wanted and that if he ‘overstepped the mark’ in any way or said anything (I could hear the emotion/anger in his voice) out of order to let him know. There was no problem but again I thought it was odd how he was getting so worked up and interested in my welfare, although to be honest he made me feel really safe and protected, again weird why I feel like this. When I spoke to him on the phone the next day as he was working from home, I mentioned the same guy who had been coming in was sitting next to me relaying another problem he had and immediately Andrew said, ‘Well why is he sitting there, he’s got his own desk in the other office?’ I felt really awkward as the guy was right next to me and by Andrew asking me this I felt I couldn’t speak out loud. Also, when another guy had come in asking about something, I casually said to Andrew that I was pleased that with me starting that people were getting to know me. In reply, Andrew turned to look at the door, where the guy had originally come through and said, ‘hmm, yes I noticed people are starting to find out where you are’, and turned back to his desk. Nothing weird in his tone but he made a point of letting me know that he had noticed this guy coming in quite a few times. I have noticed Andrew blushing and getting slightly nervous in my company sometimes but he’s so lovely and considerate. He doesn’t ogle me or make any suggestive comments, and when he holds the door open or walks past he makes a point of looking down, but I feel it’s because we don’t dare look into each other’s eyes as it would give too much away.Lastly, we had a departmental buffet and I made a point of not going over and talking to him as I feel so conscious of being the single female, and with all the other mainly married colleagues, that the other people in the office might be able to tell that I actually like this guy, although it maybe my paranoia. Instead, I was introduced to a guy who works in a similar team and out of the corner of my eye I noticed that Andrew had started to glance over occasionally from the other side of the room when he saw us both talking. Immediately I felt strange, almost like he wanted to know what I was doing near this guy, and what surprised me next was that he walked over and stood at the table right next to me fiddling with picking some chocolates out of a tray for what seemed like an eternity, before walking right past me and the guy out of the room. He didn’t say a word to me but when he was next to me I felt as though he had meant to catch my attention and I felt again uncomfortable and all over the place, but in a nice way.The other day, just before he left the office he told me he would be working at home the next day, and I thought, ‘why are you telling me that, you don’t need to tell me?’ and my heart sank at the thought of him not being in. I’ve not known him long but I’m confused about how he’s making me feel to the point where I think about him constantly and about our nice conversations etc.Someone tell me what the hell is going on with him and me?Thanks
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (27 December 2010):
 Sort of sounds like he may be interested in you in a friendly, sort of paternal way. Then again even most happily married guys still analyze or think about potential hook-ups.
I'd proceed cautiously with this one but at the same time don't over react to simple, friendly gestures.
A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (27 December 2010):
Do you want to keep your job? Then drop this budding fantasy with Married Andrew. You're single, apparently attractive. Don't go picking inventory off of other women's plates. Get your own available man. Whatever happened to the "sisterhood"? Yes, it's flattering when men notice you. Of course it is. Everyone likes to be noticed. But, the tone of your question is so full of expectancy and hope that I can tell where you might like this to go. Don't go there. You will reap only misery, compromise your reputation, and may end up losing your job. Steer clear of Married Andrew. If need be, tell him you're wearing your big girl panties and you don't need him to watch over you the way he seems to want to do.
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