A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband is 33. I am 29. He gets into arguments with a lot of people. The new neighbor was doing something wrong, or not the way he would have done it. My husband walked over on a mission or mercy, as he called it, to help the guy out. The guy got pissed. My husband got pissed, and them saw him doing the same thing the same way and got angry. Speaking to me, he shakes his head and says "That son of a bitch. I just went over this with him". We go to a restaurant and my husband listens to everyone else's order. If he sees a waiter/waitress making a mistake, he gets pissed. He stayed behind to speak to the manager and when he was not happy with that, bought some stock and plans to go to the next shareholders' meeting to complain. He fussed at one guy because he was not in the lines right at the store and asked him if he knew how to park that car. HELP! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): Oh my God! He sounds like a total control freak! Everything has to be done HIS way, or he'll get angry and have a tantrum about it. That's not the behaviour of a grown and tolerant adult - it's the action of a toddler. Worse still, his behaviour suggests not only some kind of obsessive compulsive disorder, but also an almost sociopathic lack of empathy with others.I think you have to deal with this very carefully, because his behaviour is so arrogant, there is no way he is going to listen to any criticism. If you approach it in the spirit of 'Sweetie, that wasn't very nice', he'll just tell you that he is right and it's the other person's fault for being wrong. They just shouldn't pee him off! As you and I both know, that's nonsense - it's up to every adult to take responsibility for their actions, and that includes their responses to provocation! Instead, it might be worth trying to get him to talk about his feelings, and why he finds it so hard to be compassionate: 'Sweetie, I think you just made that man feel really hurt. Did you realize you were doing that? When you act like that, how do you feel? Why do you feel that way?' Try to get him to think whether there's something in his childhood - perhaps a hypercritical father - to whom he is reacting. Maybe then he might start to see that his behaviour is not just a 'normal' reaction to other people's failures but the result of an ingrained and destructive past pattern in his own life. Really, in a situation where he's moaning at a guy for not parking quite straight, it's him who is failing to be a responsible adult, not the bad parker!Finally, I find it hard to believe that this man is so critical of everyone else, and lovely to you. Please be careful. Living with someone that hyper-critical is TERRIBLE for your self-esteem and confidence! You'll be beaten to a psychological pulp by this man if you're not careful - you'll simply feel that you can never get anything right. You really need to hear the alarm bells ringing and protect yourself in this situation. He's got problems, not you!
A
female
reader, Fate100percent  +, writes (7 September 2011):
Has he always been like this? (I'm assuming not, else you wouldn't have married him?) Perhaps he has an undiagnosed medical problem that is making him like this? A trip to the doc would be worth a shot. If he carries on getting so mad with people all the time, he could give himself a heartattack! Have you asked him if he is worrying about anything that could be making him act like this?
Is he like this with you? I bet your life is a bundle of fun with him like that! ;-)
You need to sit him down and explain his behaviour is not normal, nor acceptable. (It is one thing to offer help/advice to a neighbour, but he should accept that people are not robots and have their own opinions on how to do stuff! (I mean by the sounds of it, the neighbour didn't even ask for his advice/help?!)
Good luck x
He does sound like a bit of a control freak as angelDlite said!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): Major control issues!
I have a feeling he treats you the same way: always criticizing you and telling you how to do it better "next time" or how HE would have done it if HE was you...
My (to be) ex husband was the exact same way. And he was especially critical of me.
I wish you luck and hope you'll be able to talk to him about it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): How long have you been married to this man? Has he always been like this?
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (6 September 2011):
 is he a control freak? he needs to lighten up, mind his own business and let people make their own mistakes without letting it worry him. he is probably gonna get worse the old he gets too! does he have a stressful job? if he does it could be this that makes stress spill over into the rest of his life. do you think he needs help with this? one of these days he could end up getting pissed at the wrong one and they will deck him. how does he treat YOU?
x
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