A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I "broke up" with my former best friend Margo three years ago. There's no love lost and I am very happy to have her out of my life. Not getting into the details, I truly believe that I was completely in the right to permanently cut off all contact with Margo. She was a snake.The one thorn at my side is our mutual friend, Anne. Anne and Margo knew each other through me, but they were never close. Yes, they hung out, but both agreed I was the tie that bound them.What I don't get is why Anne keeps reaching out to Margo. They've had more contact in the last three years than ever before. I'm not facebook friends with Margo, but I can still see that Anne frequently interacts with her.I'm trying to be open-minded, I get it that just because I can't stand Margo, doesn't mean the Anne can't be friends with her. But I don't understand why the friendship blossomed after my falling out with Margo.I suspect that Anne thinks I was wrong, and I can't say I'm fine with that, but what can I do? (I wasn't wrong about ending the friendship, believe me!)What really bothers me is that I'm getting married in two months. Anne insisted on being a bridesmaid, so I made her one. Now, I'm upset because I know that Anne is filling Margo in about the wedding details. It's so gossipy and uncalled for.What I can't understand is why Anne begged to be a bridesmaid, when she's reaching out to my enemy? And no, I'm not a bridezilla. I haven't asked for a hen's night or anything. I just want my bridesmaids to show up at my wedding in a long, cream-colored dress of their choice.What do you think are Anne's intentions? I'm generally confused and want to hear an objective third party's opinion.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice. You're right, this is one of the best times of my life. I should move beyond this petty situation. I don't trust Anne, but I won't let it bother me. Who cares? I shouldn't. Thank you!
A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (30 March 2013):
 Honestly that should be the least of your concerns...You ended friendship with Margo which you thought was best for both you; you didn't need any negativity so you let her go! Now what she does and who she talks to shouldn't concern you at all!I know you would be a little curious to know as to why Anne and Margo got close out of the blue, but then again don't give it a thought, you wanted Margo out of your life for a reason but she's not completely out, your still worrying about her and Anne!!So quit thinking about them and focus on your wedding!If Anne wants to be your bridesmaid then let her, as long as she's a good friend to you why should you let anything else bother you!If you're that curious you could ask Anne in a casual way. Like be very nonchalant about it and say 'hey Anne you do know Margo and I are no longer friends, so if you want to be friends with Margo your free to do so, I don't want you to think otherwise, as long as I can trust you I don't really have a problem with who you hang out with' ..Good luck OP
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (30 March 2013):
 maybe i'm the wrong person to respond to this situation, but honestly, it just sounds like a lot of needless drama, dear.
as you said, anne is allowed to have friends. just because she met her through you doesn't mean that she can't become closer to her after you two had your falling out. it doesn't mean she's taking one side over the other and it doesn't mean she agrees with her over you. it just means she likes margo and wants to be her friend. it has zero to do with this situation between you and your old friend. it's really quite that simple. i've had a ton of ex's who are friends with some of my friends. doesn't bother me any. i don't lose any sleep over it.
in the big scheme of things, does it really matter if anne goes and tells margo the details of your wedding? she's friends with her, so i'm sure it just comes up in casual conversation. no harm no foul.
i would just let this go completely. you are friends with anne completely independently now from margo. just leave it be and stop worrying so much about it.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 March 2013):
 Actually, I'm more interested in your intentions rather than Anne's. You ended a friendship with Margo 3 years ago, so whatever Margo is up to is now irrelevant to your life. As far as Anne becoming friends with Margo, who cares how sympathetic Anne is with Margo? The whole "I know she's filling Margo in on wedding details" died in middle school. If you and Margo are done, then what does she care about your wedding? You're going to marry a man you love, and Anne is your friend, and that's all that matters.
You ended things with Margo, but it's unreasonable to ask everyone you know of to likewise shun her when the fight was between the both of you. You can be a good friend and not put pressure, subtle or overt, on Anne to end things. Similar things happen in divorces when one happens but there are mutual friends caught in the crossfire.
Time to cut off the fight once and for all. You and Margo are done, but that also means the whole fight/taking sides/pall cast on your wedding should be done too. Otherwise, if Margo still has this much influence that you no longer trust mutual friends, then things with you and Margo aren't resolved. If they were, then what she thinks or what she hears shouldn't matter.
Go enjoy your wedding. Protect your friendship between yourself and Anne. Enjoy new friendships and leave Margo in the past. Focus on what's important, because life is way too short to be suspicious and bitter.
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