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female
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*enise8020
writes: I am supposed to get married in two weeks, however my fiance still talks about his ex and the other night he even started talking about how good the sex used to be and how great it felt.. Is he purposely trying to hurt me? Or is he just not over his ex? This is really bothering me..
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female
reader, lean  +, writes (24 July 2007):
all i can say is that dont get married to him, give him a ultimatum!!! ask him, me or her. he knows what is he doing and saying, so dont worry!dont get married until all has been said and all issues have been solved, if this continues ...you are going to be the next ex.i know too that men like him who are still in love with their exs and get engaged with somebody is becasue they feel lonely and want to get their exs jelous.at the end you will feel used. when someone loves, you become their world, the most important and unic one...doesnt compare!! chao
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): It is not acceptable. He may not be trying to intentionally trying to hurt you, but he is nevertheless. You need to tell him how you feel - how it hurts you to know about his sex life with another woman. I am sure you could curl his toes with stories about his ex, but I imagine that you have had the intelligence and the courtesy to avoid those subjects. You should definitely tell him how you feel, even if you are getting married in two weeeks and it might put a strain on that. You will not be happy unless you two are able to discuss why he is doing such a thing. But watch out, if he answers,"I don't know," or something like that, confronting him could be more frustrating than you pictured. In any case, you guys can work through this, but it is wrong for him to be telling you about his sex life with his ex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2006): right after sex he talks about his ex-wife
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (22 October 2005):
 Hes trying to get you to break it off by the sound of it, as hes not man enough to do it.... This is very nasty how he is behaving... if any man and I mean any man talked at length to me about sex with another before me id be like thers the door... there is no respect if hes doing this to you... why on earth would he want to tell you what he got up to with an ex ? what possible bearing could that have on the two of you ? i dont think its a case of not getting over the ex, its just the only way he can see to get of this relationship with you ? perhaps its so perfect its scared him ? It could be nerves and hes thinking oh my god how do it get out of this, pressure can do stange things to people, hes saying these things in the hope that you are going to say if thats how you feel leave.. as hes not really that strong to do it, and maybe most of him doesnt want to do it hes just scared! no men admit they are but are but maybe you need have a long chat with him reassure him, he maybe even scared abit that marrying you means no more sex with others, that in itself can sometimes make men panic a bit.. maybe he just isnt ready... have a long chat see how the land lies let him lay everthing on the table and if needs be if you both think it will work postpone the wedding for a bit... talk about it.... you need to understand why hes suddenly thrown a wobbly it will probably all come good in the end, its just him being a bit scared... have that talk and see how you both feel... dont mention the bit hes going on about with his ex, just chat about your life together in general and hopefully it will pan out for you...
Take care and I hope things will work out for you.
x x x
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A
male
reader, Dr Vincenzo +, writes (20 October 2005):
This guy has real issues. What he is doing is totally wrong. However, you should be setting the boundaries and telling him that this is out of order. Either he is not over his ex or he is trying to upset you and get you to break off the wedding, which is a gutless and manipulative technique that some people use to end relationships. Sort this out soon. Whatever you do, dont marry him until you have sorted this out....and just talking to him wont do. Insist you go to professional help. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2005): This is what I think of any man who constantly talks about his ex, especially sexually is: it's wrong-it's insensitive-it's inappropriate and you need to tell him openly and honestly how it makes you feel. Set the boundries girl and make sure he know what you will and will not tolerate in this relationship. This should've been done a long time ago. He's purposely hurting you for some reason and you need to know 'why'. I feel when a man does this type of thing to a woman he's in a relationship with-he's bordering on 'emotional abuse' and no one should stand for that. You two are engaged and the wedding is in two weeks! If he is not treating you with respect and honoring you, now...what the heck is it going to be like a few years down the road when you are married, with a home mortgage, car payments and 2 kids to raise?? Remember, marriage is not immune to stress...it take a ton of hard work, love, devotion and committment. He does not sound like a very mature, loving man. Tell him to grow up and hopefully he'll clue in before the wedding. If not...you had better re-evaluate whether you want this marriage or not. I wish you the best of luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, denise8020 +, writes (19 October 2005):
He knows it bothers me Im not a real verbal person and I know that this is wrong but its just the way I am, as soon as I clam up he knows he has done or said something wrong and starts apologizing immediately for it and tries to reassure me that he is totally committed to me and in love with me but its still a major nagging in the back of my head that a red flag is up somewhere..
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (19 October 2005):
 I'm confused -- have you never told him that this bothers you? Or have you acted like it was no big deal?
You want to deal with this, and quickly. If you can't resolve it with a conversation now, you must seriously consider whether you want to attach yourself to this guy permanently. It's fine to bring up the past now and then, but only if your new partner is secure in the knowledge that s/he is the greatest thing since sliced bread. And even then, it's not a great sign if someone brings up an ex all the time.
Talk to him, and quickly. If you must, pay a couples therapist for a session or two. And if you can't figure this out to your satisfaction, postpone the wedding until you do.
It may be a simple matter of miscommunication or it may be a much larger issue. You need to determine which it is and resolve it either way before moving forward.
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A
female
reader, troubled soul +, writes (19 October 2005):
I would put my self in his shoes and the reason i would be saying that would be to hurt you or make you feel less complete. I know this sounds harsh but you really need to look at the situation ask him out right in a calm way does he realise he talks about his ex and if so why because its making you feel bad. Is this his way of keeping the wedding nerves under wraps. I split with my boyfriend and we are still friends and we both talk about other girls but its only to hurt one another - but seriously as him why he is dong it, if he walks out on you then he was just a coward and wanted an easy way out of the wedding without confronting you properly. Chin up though we are all worth it in the end.
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