A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I split up with my partner last year for a few months and despite messaging him he never responded. Fast forward I had a few drinks and actually don't remember leaving the pub I was in but I walked to his pub and all I can remember was standing in there and talking to him. We went back to my house and I can remember vaguely remembering we had sex and I recall him going down the stairs and saying he was leaving. A few hours later I woke up and I could tell we had sex. He messaged me later and said he wasn't ignoring me, ironic as he had for months. I asked him on a couple of occasions if we had sex, bearing I mind he told me he was complete sober as only had one drink in the pub but he completely denied we had, however I have a vague recollection that we did, I also remember asking him to stay with me and I could tell after that we had. I wonder why he denied it happened when it's obvious to me that it did?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2022): Kenny did you not read my reply? I stated clearly I don't KEEP asking him, I asked him once after it happened last year!I never said it wasn't iffy and for the last time I had been poorly and had three glasses of wine so yes I don't recall it all fully as clearly admitted but not because I'm some alcoholic who sits around boozing all day!I vaguely remember the sensation of the act I don't recall it fully at all and I recall him going down the stairs and the tell tale signs in the morning is what made me think we must have done.No point explaining to you people your replies are clouded in judgement as always!!!
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (17 February 2022):
 All sounds a bit iffy to me, i agree with the other aunts here, why keep asking him if you know you did?.
He was sober, you were so drunk you can't remember what you did, or diden't do. Maybe he wants to brush it under the carpet because he feels there could be repercussions from this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2022): Anon who posted. How dare you judge me without knowing me. I work in a hospital and been front line throughout the pandemic, he ignored me for four months last year with no answers or explanation, I was poorly, hadn't eaten and had three glasses of wine which I would hardly of thought would make me intoxicated so shut up with your nasty opinion because you are far off the mark.
As are the rest of you. The replies are the precise reason why people don't ask for advice anymore. He got back with me last year and very much wanted a relationship but our relationship is difficult because I want the commitment more than he does and he shuts me out rather than communicate.
I don't give it out to various men, I was on my own over fifteen years when I met him and allowed him into my life. So how dare you people accuse me of being cheap and easy.
I won't come here for advice again, don't even know why I did in the first place. You people think you are so important tapping out your replies yet majority of the time you're completely off the mark.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 February 2022):
 I suspect he's afraid of being accused of rape, you having been drunk during it.
I'd stop asking.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2022): He thinks admitting he had sex with you means going back to being your boyfriend and does not want to know. He just wanted a quickie, just took advantage of you being willing, with no thought to getting back with you. You handed it on a plate, and he took it and ate it.... but he does not want to get back with you. I guess you will keep chasing him and keep offering yourself and he may return for another session, but that it all it would be - as far as he is concerned. Quick easy free sex, nothing else. If I was him I would walk away, you sound high maintenance and a nightmare.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 February 2022):
 I'm with YCNBS
"I am totally puzzled. Why are you ASKING him IF you had sex if you say you know you did?"
If you know you had sex, then you had sex.
He might deny it because he knows that YOU were TOO drunk to really consent. Or it was "bad" sex for you both due to "whatever".
Or he REGRETS having sex with you, he pretends it didn't happen.
Also if you are in your 40's or 50's why can't you control your drinking better than this? Aren't you a little too old for this kind of drinking yourself into a stupor and acting out?
What is the point of this? He is your ex for a reason. Stop drinking to the point where you don't seem to be in control and stop chasing after this ex, he clearly isn't into having a relationship anymore.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2022): Extra information we split up because his mum died and he was struggling to come to terms with it, he said he couldn't cope with everything. Secondly the reason why I asked is because I wonder if that's why he then resumed contact and he very much wanted to be back with me. The drinking part of it, I'd been poorly, barely eaten and I only had three glasses of wine and had no idea how bad it would affect me!
As for the sex part I asked him only when we started talking again last year and I didn't make a deal of it, I simply read advice given to another poster and it got me thinking. I have been with him years so having sex with him is fine I just wondered why he denied it happened!!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 February 2022):
 I am totally puzzled. Why are you ASKING him IF you had sex if you say you know you did?
As to why he is denying it, my guess would be, because he regrets losing control and wishes he hadn't - for whatever reason. You obviously split up for a reason, hence he probably regretted having sex with you in case this led to a rekindling of the relationship.
The more important factor in this story is that you drink so much, you only "vaguely" remember things. This is a very dangerous thing to do. I wonder why someone your age doesn't have a more finely tuned sense of self preservation? Perhaps THAT is the question you SHOULD be asking?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2022): I wonder why you're still going back and forth with this person you call your "ex"???
You're a mature-adult, and should be more responsible with your drinking and the decisions you make. This is a post you'd expect from a 20-something year-old! Maintain your dignity, my dear!
If you have no proof you had sex, all you can do is play the game of he-said/she-said.
Are you accusing him of taking advantage of you, or what? Otherwise, what is this all about? Just some excuse to perpetuate drama between him and you? Is he involved in a new relationship and you're trying to blackmail him? By accusing him of something, is this a desperate attempt to start a dialogue?
Unless this is leading-up to something important, or unless you can prove it; he will keep denying it. Especially, when you aren't even sure; because you have to ask! He has feasible deniability simply by the fact you can't really remember. For all you know, it was a dream you had while intoxicated. If sex did occur while you were highly intoxicated and out-of-it; he's terrified of where you might be going with this, and you can bet your last pound to a dollar he's going to deny it!!!
Do you have soiled sheets, a used condom, butt of a cigarette of his cigarette brand, an article of clothing he left behind?
It might have happened; but if he is denying it, he may be gaslighting you. It's dangerous to become publicly intoxicated, and engage yourself in interactions with men in pubs or bars. You can't leave your drinks unattended, or drink irresponsibly. This sort of thing can happen. If you trust the bartender who was on that night, you can ask in a roundabout way if you were seen leaving together. If it's his usual hangout; I doubt anybody will be forthcoming, or he has already told them to deny it.
You broke-up with the guy due to differences and disagreements. You were supposed to remain no-contact, if he was clearly ghosting you. He wasn't even responding to you; and you went looking for him at a bar, of all places!
What exactly is the point of all this?
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (12 February 2022):
Why did you ask him whether you had sex or not when you knew the answer?
A girl can accuse a guy of rape if she was too drunk to give informed consent at the time (which it sounds like you were.)
So I guess that's why he lied. To avoid a rape accusation.
If you consider yourself to have been raped,please feel free to message me privately.
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