A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what's wrong with me, my partner is good in a lot of ways. However I'm starting to feel like I want out of the relationship. I was a single mother before I met him and had reached a good level of independence.I feel in the relationship I'm stripped of that independence, he wants to be involved in everything and don't get me wrong it is nice he wants to help so much but I don't need him too and I feel like at times I'm loosing me. My child is 11 and I have done it all myself since she was born.Wee don't live together nor do I want to change that either, it's the small heaven I have and I don't want to give that up. I feel better on days that I get to do my own thing without him, even then it's a fight to get one of they rare days.What's wrong with me, most women would be happy they have a man that wants to be there and hands on every day. I don't need that though, I don't even know how to explain it.I just feel like I would be happier single and with the freedom to just run my own life again.At the same time I'm I being unfair to a good man. Should I let him go and be with a women that needs that from him. It causes fights so often when I tell him no I have this or that handled. He goes into a sulk because of that. If he could just let me run my life and realise he compliments it and I can enjoy his company but not 24.7. I think I would feel better about things but it's too much for me and that's what is making me think I can't any longer. I don't even know how to explain this Reply to this Question
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (17 February 2022):
 I think he may be a nice guy, but at the end of the day you are just not that into him, pure and simple.
If yo are with someone, in a relationship and you look forward to the days when you are not with him, then i think this say's it all really.
Do the right thing and end things with this guy so that yo can both get on with your lives, you will fell better and be glad you did the right thing.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2022): Really think about this. You're feeling restless and edgy but at least 59% off people must feel like this due to covid restrictions.
Either you've spent a lot of time together or a lot of time apart during lockdowns and no chance to really get away and to enjoy yourself.
You hunt he liked to micromanage you.
You are capable off putting your foot down if this occurs.
I wonder if you had any subliminal concerns about his relationship with your child who would be approaching the vulnerable teen years.
I suppose that I'm trying to say that everyone has negative feelings about their partner from time to time but it's not always a deal breaker.
Maybe you just need to feel more in control in your life but not necessarily need to blame it on your partner.
However, it could also indicate a growing sense of misgivings about your relationship and if that is so you need to understand why.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2022): The best way to maintain any relationship is to be straightforward and honest. All you have to do is explain to him exactly what you've told us. While you're alone, write-down your thoughts. Practice what you'd like to say. The summon the courage to speak your truth.
If you want out, get-out! Why are you holding onto him? Is he a much older-gentleman with a kind fatherly-way? At one time, did he make you feel safe when you were at a down-point in your life?
Don't be like the spoiled-child who possesses a wonderful toy all the kids wish they had; you never play with it, but you don't want any other child to touch it. Don't be the kind of woman who finds a good-catch; but for the life of her, she can't bear the thought of giving him up to make some other woman happy!
If you don't really feel romantic-attraction for him, and don't really think you'll ever fall in-love with him; you don't hold someone's heart hostage, or kept on ice, just in case you might find a use for them someday. That turns a human being from a person into a possession. Don't own a man's heart just to show everybody you've got yourself a good-man; although you don't really want him anymore. You'll feel you have to to keep-up the appearances of happiness and good-fortune. Being the envy of all your sisters and friends! Maybe you've even bragged a little? You don't want to hear your mother asking why on earth did you let him go???
You didn't mention that you love him. Did he show-up at a very lonely time in your life? He came to the rescue, when you needed somebody; but now you're back on your feet, and his services are no longer required. Panic sets-in at the thought that if you let him go, some other lucky-female will just scoop him up! Wondering what will you do, if you find you need him again? What if some other lady will make him happier than you have?
These might be some of the things going through your mind. Maybe there is also the fear that letting him go will make him wonder if he may have been used? I truly hope this isn't because of an ex, or your baby's daddy is somewhere on the sidelines; and you've still got a thing for him. Not accusing, just touching all bases. People don't always disclose every important detail; avoiding being judged, or just trying not to look bad.
He knows you've struggled, he knows you're strong, and he probably realizes you did well on your own. He might be feeling you deserve a break, and he's trying to be there for you. It's not a competition of who's in-charge, or who's the man? Sometimes we need help; but that's not an admission of weakness, or submission to someone's control. It's showing vulnerability and trust. Only when it's justified and warranted, of course!
Ask him directly why he feels he needs to be so helpful and protective? Hear it straight from the horse's mouth. Rather than keeping things hidden in your mind, and hoping he'll read it. If you do have real feelings for him, be woman enough to be straight-up with him. Ask him to tone down the nobility, and let you feel independent. You're a grown-up too! Part of falling in-love is also surrendering to a little bit of dependency. To be loved, you must be receptive and vulnerable to it. You can't build up a wall, and hope love will walk through it like a ghost, or climb over it. He has dropped his guard, and you should lower yours too.
If you want out, don't keep him wasting his feelings on you.
Tell him exactly what you feel. If you are not in-love with him, you know you never will be; and you are not physically-attracted to him. Holding onto him while he is investing his heart, time, and feelings is nothing but a lie, and taking advantage of his kindness.
Be ever grateful for his being there for you; but set him free, if you can't feel for him what he feels for you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 February 2022):
 OP,
You KNOW what you want and what you don't want. You want to be single and you DO NOT want him to take control of your life like he is trying to do.
Break it off and DO your own thing with your child.
He can be a good guy, a GREAT guy even, and NOT be a good match for you.
"It causes fights so often when I tell him no " That isn't healthy either. YOU ARE allowed to have boundaries and to say NO.
You seem like you are somewhat set in your ways (and that is OK) but it leaves little flexibility with a partner.
If you rather be on your own, do that. It's YOUR life. Your choice.
Hopefully, he can find someone who wants a guy to "micromanage" their lives and they can live happily together.
Lastly, I think when having a young daughter it IS important that you SHOW her that you have boundaries and can do things on your own. And I hope she still has a male role model in her life. As that is important too.
Good luck and LIVE your life as YOU want to live.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 February 2022):
 Sweetheart, he may be a "good man" but you two are not compatible because he cannot accept that you need your own space occasionally. He is suffocating and controlling. He may "do things" for you but that does not give him the right to control your life or to sulk if you want a bit of time away from him. Someone like him would drive me totally bonkers so I completely understand where you are coming from.
Doing things for you may be his way of showing you he cares BUT he has to also show you he cares by respecting your space and listening when you say you need some space occasionally. If he cannot do that, then you will grow to resent him.
In your shoes I would sit him down and explain this to him. If he cannot/will not accept this, then there is no long term future for you because, believe me, you WILL end up hating him. Don't change yourself to make someone love you; be yourself and you will attract the right person.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (12 February 2022):
You don't know how to explain it. Neither did I when I found myself in a similar situation. I STILL can't. But deep down I just knew I wasn't happy with this guy no matter how lovely he was.
That was over 20 years ago now and I've never had a decent boyfriend since. I just met asshole after asshole and had my heartbroken a whole bunch of times. And now I've decided to stay single for the rest of my life. I missed my ex dreadfully in the beginning. I still think of him, sometimes nostaglically. I even dream about him from time to time. But do I regret ending the relationship? - Not a bit.
Follow your gut... I wish you good karma.
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