A
female
age
26-29,
*els123
writes:When I was 20 I met my husband, he was 26, extremely popular, in the army and I was amazed that he was even interested in me. We started dating and things moved very quickly. We got engaged after three months of dating and eloped a few days later. A few weeks later he suggested a “couple swap”, I was not a fan of it, I got very jealous seeing him another girl. He said it didn’t matter because he got off more seeing me with another guy then being with another girl aways. Not long after that he brought home a friend for us to have a threesum with. Again I didn’t love it but I could tell he did. So I went with it not realizing it would become a huge part of our relationship. Over the next few years we had two kids. When my youngest was just 8 weeks old he told me he was going to be deployed, we moved from the west coast to the east coast and he told me he found a guy for me to be with. That same night he invited this man over and watched as we have sex. When it was over I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for hours. He made me agreed that I would sleep with this while he was away, I agreed because I figured he was going to be gone and I could just forget about it. But he had different ideas. A few nights later I get a text telling me to “get ready” and then a knock on the door. He had made arrangements for the guy to come to our house. He asked me to put the phone on speaker so he could hear us. This happened on and off for three months. I felt so alone, I had a two small kids , one only months old, the only people I knew in this town were my in laws and I man I barely new who I was having sex with. I felt dirty , unloved , confused. . Every time I tried to talk to my husband he would say things like “I was doing this for him”, “only strong marriages could do this” “how much he loved me and seeing me being “his” whore”. One night when the guy came over I broke down , I cried and asked him to leave. He came back the next morning and asked if I was ok. I told him exactly how I felt and how much I hated everything and he was dumbfounded. He said he had no idea I wasn’t into it and felt terrible for doing anything that I wasn’t 100% into. He apologized several times and sat with me for a couple of hours and just talked. He texted me a few times to see how I was doing then one day showed up. When he did I as literally a hot mess, my oldest daughter had vomited all night, the baby was crying and I was sick. He stepped in, helped clean up the mess, told me to lay down and got my daughter something to eat. Over the next six months we became friends, he helped with things around the house , built my daughter a tree house, put up Christmas lights, spent evenings watching movies and cooking with me. Then a few weeks before my husband came back he invited me and my girls to his cabin. It was on a lake and he thought we would enjoy it. We ended up sleeping together that night. It was all my choice, he asked if I was sure I wanted to do it and let me take the lead. When my husband came home with in days he wanted to “share” me , he said he wanted to see me with the guy and when I refused he offered to find someone new. I flat out said no and he laughed , he said that’s who we were and I couldn’t back out now. After several days of non stop fighting he basically told me I do it or he would find someone else. He said no one would ever love me because he was “used”. Since then I got my own place, a job and have been doing well. The other guys has been a constant fixture in my life since, helping me move, visiting and hanging out. He told me he has feeling for me and would like to try and see where they go. Since hanging out with him I really like him too, My only worry is will how we meet effect us later in our relationship. Do you think we have a chance at being happy together. He has already said he isn’t into bringing anyone else into the relationship.
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female
reader, sweetheart_ella  +, writes (21 February 2022):
OMFG your husband is F'ed up. I've done the 3some (mmf) and been watched, but your husband obviously has no idea (or cares) how you feel about things. He is totally disconnected.
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (17 February 2022):
 You are so lucky to be out of the relationship with your husband, well done for stepping up and leaving, so many people don't.
Before you embark on any subsequent relationships get the ball rolling with regards to obtaining a divorce from your husband.
Bringing a third party into a marriage/relationship never ends well often resulting in someone developing feelings for someone else which is stronger than it is for their partner, as is the case here. What you husband has done has seriously backfired, as it was always going to.
The new guy does sound like a good one, and a guy to keep around. But i would advise taking it slow and get things finalised with your marriage before you start anything else serious.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2022): First you want the husband to be a surrogate father and knight on a white charger to take care of you - as if you are a little girl instead of a young woman - you trust this stranger and he uses you and uses you and uses you. You have learned nothing from this as you are now ready to trust another sleazy unsavoury man to be your saviour. Grow up, become a real woman, take care of yourself, being single is better but it takes brains, balls and resourcefulness. It requires things like getting a good job and paying your way. All the time you lean on me to take care of you they just make sure that you take care of them, havent you worked that out yet? They turn the tables on you and use you instead of letting you use them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2022): Uuuuuuhmmmm!!! First things first! You have to divorce your husband!
You have children to raise, and they have to be in a safe and stable environment. It would be very confusing for them with two men running in and out of their lives, wondering which one is their daddy???
You could have some serious child-custody issues down the road; not necessarily that he would take the children away from you, but he could make up stories that wouldn't be favorable about your state of mental-health, and what's happening around the children. He's in uniform and in active military service. That will give him an extra amount of credibility and an unfair advantage. He can claim you're cheating behind his back; while he's away on deployment. I wouldn't be surprised he doesn't have all this preplanned and already knows how he'll spin this and getaway scot-free. Making you look promiscuous, or out of your mind! Clear your head, sweetheart!
Sometimes the unexpected can happen; it isn't totally surprising that you met someone while being "pimped-out" by your husband. It's just that this guy was up for sleeping with a married-woman with children. That's not exactly a sign of sterling character. Your self-esteem was purposely worn-down to the point you're confused and compliant. You're struggling alone with two children, while he's away. You feel alone and forced to do things you don't want to do; and he will hound and degrade you if you refuse to.
You do need to see someone about your mental-health. Jumping from a marriage, then into another relationship with a guy sent to sex you, may not be a good idea. Life-changing decisions should be carefully weighted, and done with sound professional advice. Wait until when you're fully yourself. Talk to a lawyer!
You also have to deal with the elephant in the room. You've still got a husband!
The guy you're seeing is not a therapist or a hero. For now, maybe you feel safe. Seek counseling to make sure any suppressed emotional-trauma from this situation isn't making you vulnerable to yet another player. PTSD can lie dormant, or be suppressed; but it can still resurface through flashbacks or triggers at any given time. Your husband has sexually-exploited you; and gaslighted you into believing all this was okay, permitted, and meant to please him. If someone can easily convince you to do such a thing to yourself; you may need some professional-counseling right-now. You've finally stopped it; but you're now romantically involved with one of the perpetrators of your husband's cuckoldry ventures.
What a movie this would make! Sure you're not fooling us, and writing a screenplay? I will admit, that I can't help but be a little skeptical.
If all this finally ends in a divorce. Who will it make look bad? You or him? He is a calculating underhanded dog!!!
Maybe for now, you think you've found a savior. Someone who will rescue you from this scary ordeal; but I think you shouldn't make any decisions until you've had some legal and psychological counseling. To be sure this isn't like Stockholm's Syndrome, and neither male involved doesn't find a way to twist all this against you. Someone who once had unsavory shady-intentions towards you, is now your champion and white knight? Ready to gallantly scoop you up, and carry you off on his steed? Snap out of it, girlfriend!
Until you get your head right, you might be unintentionally turning a scoundrel into your rescuer. He knowingly came there to have sex with you, after being setup by your husband!!! I just can't see how a decent-guy would even be down with anything like that? By divine-intervention, he happened to have an attack of conscience!
You've been sexually-exploited, and might be vulnerable to the first man that is kind to you, or seemed to be willing to save you. He just might not be much better than your husband.
You had a whirlwind-romance with your husband; and next thing you know, weeks into your whirlwind marriage, he's king of the cuckolders! He shamed you and coerced you into doing what you did; and now some guy comes along when you're an emotional-mess, and wants to save you?
This stuff might happen in R-rated movies, or on racy nightly TV-dramas; but in real-life, that is not how you meet your Prince Charming. You seem to be somewhat naive, maybe gullible in-love, and somewhat vulnerable to manipulation by men. I attribute that to your youth and inexperience, being human; and your husband's narcissistic ability to gaslight and psychologically manipulate you. I'm not declaring you an innocent angel; but the situation you've described is how the classic manipulator works.
This situation just creeps me out. Your naivete is most unsettling.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 February 2022):
 Could it work for you and new guy?
Maybe. Or should I say it could work as a way for you to get the HECK away from your husband asap. But I would get the divorce first and NOT monkey branch into a new relationship until YOU are ACTUALLY out of the marriage and READY to date again.
Your husband sees you as a PORN PROP - you are there for whatever fetish or sexual kink HE wants to do or see. You are "free on tap" pornhub at home.
"“how much he loved me and seeing me being “his” whore”."
I just PUKED in my mouth, OP. Your husband is disgusting. And I just want to give you a hug.
This isn't love, and you (sorry to sound harsh here) are an IDIOT if you don't get out asap.
You don't WANT to do swinger shit, you NEED to SAY so. Say what you mean and MEAN what you say.
"he said that’s who we were and I couldn’t back out now."
Yes, you CAN back out whenever YOU freaking want to! he doesn't OWN you.
" He said no one would ever love me because he (I think you mean to write I)? was “used”"
Your husband says a LOT of stupid shit, OP.
He doesn't love you. He doesn't care how this affects you, or your kids.
YOU made a huge mistake to jump into a marriage with someone who was basically a stranger and then you did stuff you didn't want to do, to PLEASE this stranger who was now your husband.
He love-bombed the everlasting fire out of you, only to treat you like a "porn actor" for his personal pleasure. You thought this is love and marriage so you went along with it, until you no longer could.
GOOD for you for leaving!! YAY for you and the kids!!
Now FILE for divorce. ASAP. File for custody, visitation schedules, and child support.
WAIT with dating this new guy. LET the ink on your divorce dry first. Spend some time finding out who YOU are now. A single mom. Learn what YOUr boundaries are. Make sure you are on birth-control.
"My only worry is will how we meet effect us later in our relationship."
Yeah, you didn't meet in great circumstances. He was "almost" your "rapist" - because your story feels SO "rapey ". Sure, he thought you were OK with it. That you wanted it. You didn't say no. Not to your husband nor to this guy. You participated. But that doesn't make it feel less "rapey"!! It was COERCIVE "sex". Not by the guy but by your husband.
Your husband is gross, OP. I want to just yeet your husband into the sun. Seriously! What a piece of scum.
This new guy seems like a decent man, but that doesn't mean you two are a good match so PLEASE slow your roll, get on your own two feet and focus on YOU and the kiddos for now.
Please take care of yourself and your kids, divorce your scummy husband, and leave this chapter of your life FIRMLY in the past.
YOU NEVER owe a partner to participate in anything YOU DO NOT WANT TO!
Chin up.
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