A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, my ex and I broke up in dec. 2007. We talked on and off from that point until the end of feb. hooking up once. I had a lot of issues going on then and I went away for a year to sort through them. During that time we had no contact but through my sister, I found out that he had made several attempts to get in touch with, including late night phone calls, texts, and emails. After I got home and had been back for about 2 weeks he friend requested me and sent me a message on facebook. I accepted his request and responded by saying "hi." We said a few generic words and then he deleted me from his friends list withoutvsaying anything. 5 months went by and I heard nothing. Then one day, he sends me a message saying "sup." I replied and after another stupid message decided to let myself be vulnerable by telling him that I was glad hear from him b/c since I'd been home, I haven't made a lot of friends and I hadn't had a male relationship in my life for almost 2 yrs. He followed my lead and decided to get honest. I was totally blown away after reading his thoughts. He basically told me how he fantasizes about me and that he hasn't been with anyone who he had such chemistry with since me blah, blah. Mind you he has a girlfriend who he's been with since about a month after we broke up! But then after telling me all that stuff, he decides that what he's doing is wrong and withdraws again just as before. Well, after that I was hurt and just really bothered by everything so I decided to block him. So when he decided again that he needed to speak with me, he called my mothers home, who I do not live, asking for my # at 1am. My mom didn't give it to him but after getting upset about the lack of respect, I called him after not speaking (really speaking) in like 19 months. Woulnt you know he didn't answer! I write him and expressed the way I felt and tried to end this crap. He wrote me back a few days later apologizing saying that he was wrong to call my mom and that he was sorry to give me the wrong impression. He called, he said b/c he wanted to apologize for something that happened during our relationship and he had to ask me a question about a psych book I was reading way back when! I responded and now it's been 2 days! He and I were together almost 2 years. Anyway, what is going on? Why is he doing this. He claims that his current g/f is amazing...? Please someone explain this to me because I'm very confused.
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (7 November 2009):
 I think he feels like he wants the contact with you and when he gets the response, he has achieved what he set out to achieve and then withdraws.
It is like a horse and carrot situation, by dangling it in front of your nose, you aim for it and just when you think you might get it, the string is pulled away.
Don't let him play with you and tell him in no uncertain terms if he ever tries to make contact with you again that you are fed up with his mind games and if he SO happy with his gf then stop the harrassment as you will report him to the police otherwise as he has already harrassed your poor mum and who wants a call at 1am in the morning. That is just plain ignorance and perhaps the gf wasn't around so he thought he could just snap his fingers and he will get a response from you. He did in the end didn't he!!!!
If you have a number or email address for him or his actual home address go round there and see him face to face and say I don't know what game you are playing but if you are happy with your gf why are you trying to contact me?
I think his excuse of why he wanted to contact you is a load of rubbish, he could go to the library or even go online to find out info without harrassing his ex gf's family and you.
He wants what he can't have and when he gets a reaction he feels like - I still have the pulling power!!
Next time confront infront of the gf face to face if you know where he lives or if on the other hand you don't know his address, totally ignore him and warn him you WILL report him if he keeps this up as you and your family are fed up with it now.
Get yourself a real bf and I am sure the stupidity will stop, if not then spell it out for him and let his gf know what he is up.
None of this was happening when you weren't living locally before so now he knows you are nearby he thinks he can do what he wants.
Nip it in the bud now. He really isn't worth it.
BFN
Country Woman
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