A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my ex and i were together for 2 years and recently split about 4 months ago. it was NOT on bad terms. i did the breaking up after realising that it was going no where - he was not able to committ to anything and enjoyed being with his friends more than me. regardless, we did not end it with negative feelings towards each other and even planned to meet up about a month after breaking up. we have communicated very minimally since breaking up, and it is always me that has contacted him to see how he is going. now nearly 4 months later, i have gotten in touch asking him to see me so that i can get my closure and be able to move on. i just wanted to tell him that i wanted to be friends with him and make sure that we were on an 'ok' level since we hadnt spoken or anything in so long. he told me we would meet up and has not contacted me again. this was nearly 2 weeks ago. i dont think he will get in touch with me. i called him and left a message and said i just want to bring everything back to normal and just be casual! my intentions are truly good. this is someone i spent 2 years of my life with, loved to bits and meant the world to me, even though in the end we didn't really work out. i dont want to lose him as a friend, but that looks like the case.why is he doing this? why doesnt he want to be friends with me? i know he has well and truly moved on, but i dont understand why after such a long relationship he is giving me the cold shoulder and not caring at all. thank you!!
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female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (26 August 2008):
 I really don't think that he'd be all too happy at the end of a two year relationship no matter what his actions were at the end of it. He may not have realised how he was acting... maybe you were acting differently too without realising? Or maybe you were just getting used to eachother's company and this struck you as him not caring anymore? More relationships reach this kind of point after a certain amount of time.
Two years together and then a split must be the weirdest feeling in the world because all of a sudden you're on your own and this sensation is enhanced when you're the one who's been rejected. I'm pretty damn sure he's missing having you around.
I still think more time is needed, sweet. It's just too awkward and difficult to become friends with your ex after such a short amount of time.
xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): Excuse me? I didn't play with his feelings. I DO care about him and I DO love him, but HIS feelings changed and HE drifted away from me. He tried to end the relationship previously, but we decided to work on it.It didn't work, and thats why I broke things off. We both weren't happy. Regardless of this all, I still care about him. I'm not 'playing' with his feelings. HE fell out of love with me. Emphasis on 'HE'.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): If you care so much them why did you end it? Do you think he's a human insurance policy in case you dont meet someone else? Is it healthy to carry on as friends if you feel like you do? Get in touch and tell him you love him and if he will take you back you will not play with his feelings again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): thanks to everyone for their replies.
the thing is, he changed a lot during the end of our relationship. i could tell he wasnt as interested in me as he used to be. so i dont think that he isnt over the relationship or anything like that, i think he would have moved on really quickly judging his past actions.
regardless, i really wanted us to be friends. we didnt have any ill feelings towards each other, but it just seems like he hates me now.
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24 +, writes (26 August 2008):
Hun, he probably doesn't want to see you because he doesn't want to bring back feelings that he now is supposed to not have for you. He probably feels that it will upset him seeing how much you have moved on when he still is not completely over you.
Four months may seem like a long time to you, but after 2 years of a strong relationship, he's probably still has feelings for you. Four months isn't actually an enormous amount of time, hun.
As you have been calling him and trying to see him since your break up, he's probably feeling that there may be a little bit of hope left and that you're not over him completely. But incase this isn't the way it is, he wants to stay away from you so that he doesn't get hurt.
He doesn't want to go back to square one of the break up.
People don't want to hang around with people who make them feel low or give them negative feelings.
I remember when someone ended the relationship with me, I didn't want anything more to do with them because when I was near them, the feeling of rejection always hit me hard, and I'm pretty sure this is the way your ex is feeling now.
If I were you, I'd leave him for a while longer.
You have to leave him because unfortunately, it's just the way of the world that you can't be good friends with your ex who you've been with for two years after such a short amount of time, because even though you're okay with the break up, you keep asking him to talk to you or to meet up with you - and this messes with his feelings and he finds it more difficult to move on. It's too soon to try and begin a friendship with him, it just wouldn't work at the moment, hun because you're both standing on a broken relationship and until you both are completely over eachother, then maybe you can be friends. I would suggest that you leave him to contact you and if he doesn't, in a few months contact him just to see how he's doing.
I believe you need a clean break right now.
He's showing signs that he needs time to himself to find a way of getting over you. You have to respect his wishes if it seems/ he tells you that it hurts too much to have you around or that he doesn't want a friendship with you at this point. Some people take longer to get over their exs than others. I mean, I was with someone for a year and I didn't get over him for about 8 months.
I understand that you miss him and that you want friendship but it kinda seems that you want him to continue to like you and to maybe chase you a bit? I mean, I'm not blaming you, everyone wants to feel wanted but you gotta leave him be for the moment.
He doesn't want to be reminded of what he's lost - No one does, especially when you're already feeling a bit rejected.
I wish you all the best.
Take care, hun. Hope I helped.
xx
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A
female
reader, Mzmercury?  +, writes (26 August 2008):
 Well it sounds like maybe he's not over you or the relationship. And maybe he needs more time to get adjusted to just being your friend. Or he can be mad that you ended the relationship and maybe his pride is hurt. It's always a tough situation when transitioning from lovers to friends. When you talk to him next address this problem and see what he says. But I hope you find closure and you too are the best of friends.. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): I think that you should just give it more time.It's good that you guys haven't talked for awhile, that really helps to clear any confusion about what it going on here. I think that this guy probably cared about you more than you realize and it may be hard for him to be your friend right now. Usually people go throught different feelings about a break up, first being sad and then sometimes a bit angry or bitter about it. He may be feeling a little hostile toward you right now, but he will get over it. Honestly, sometimes it doesn't work out being friends after a break up and that is a chance you take when breaking up. He doesn't have to be your friend and he may not want to.
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A
female
reader, cthulhuhugs +, writes (26 August 2008):
 It's hard to say what another person is thinking. That being said, how are you so sure he's "moved on"? It's one thing to agree that a relationship needs to end, but that doesn't mean he's done mourning the loss. Just like you said: you spent so much time together and you loved each other dearly. It won't be easy for him, and it usually takes men longer to get over a break up. Or he could just be the type that likes to move on after ties are severed. Of all the endless possibilities that could be his motivation behind not contacting you, the important thing to focous on is that sometimes you just can't be friends with someone that you really care about. The best you can do is meet him half way, and take comfort in knowing that you did the best you could to keep your friendship alive.
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