A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i'm confused why the girl i used to date would make comment like this to my best mate about me. I thought things we're okay, so why she lied seems off to me. You decide...We had a bad break up, I was a douche to her I wont deny that. But she said since it's a small town and we will run into each other, she wants us to be civil and put what happened behind us. Which surprised me how mature she was, most girls would have told me to do one and not speak to me again! Anyways, we've seen each other out and she's been friendly enough to say hi and smile back, we have never talked because that's just awkward for us right now.Point is, last night my best mate saw her out and said to her it's great that things are okay with us two even after what I did to her. And apparently she just laughed and said "things are definitely not okay with us" and my friend said but you two are friendly to each other so he, like me assumed it was. And she said she's just being civil because we're bound to see each other, so it's easier that way. It doesn't change that what I did was reckless and hurtful". And when asked if she liked me (as a person), she replied no!?So i'm confused, she hasn't forgiven me, doesn't even like me as a person or have any feelings for me anymore. Yet she is still nice and says hi back when she see's me, why not just ignore me then or just be honest about her feelings towards me? I wouldn't be civil with someone I don't like or who hurt me, what is your opinion on this?
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female
reader, londonmiss  +, writes (29 April 2013):
 She's being an adult about the situation. You live in a small town you say? Why be cruel and make it awkward for mutual friends who like you both? It's more for yours and her friends than about you. And if you were a dick to her then yes she does have a right to not like you.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 April 2013):
 You would not be civil with someone you don't like, and you would be quite wrong.
First, because you may not like someone that much, but still do not see them as your archienemy or the bane of your life, - you have been sort of a douche but hopefully you haven't ruined her life and future, right ? These things, happen, people get together and they break out, people get along and then they fall out, it happens all the time, no need to make big public declarations of war, might as well being formal and polite, you can't ever go wrong with polite.
Second, because she is right, if you live in a small palce where you are bound to run into each other, why complicate things adding drama,public displays of hostility, gossips, people taking sides etc. , when you can avoid all that by a simple, effortless " hi ".
And finally, because in your lifetime you'll have plenty of occasions to be around people you don't like, and you won't have the luxury to ignore or antagonize them ( work colleagues, bosses, landlords, in laws etc. ) , so might as well train yourself to just be civil to everybody.
I guess this girl is one who knows how to pick her battles, and she is reserving her hatred and hostility for situations that would really warrant them, not for the normal accidents of an average dating life.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (28 April 2013):
 Simple, she has maturity.
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