A
female
age
36-40,
*lapure4
writes:Hello Cupid! I met a 28-year-old distant cousin at a family reunion two years ago and we instantly clicked. At the time she was living in NY, and we would talk on average 3 to 4 times a week, sometimes more. And the majority of the conversations would range from guys/relationships to graduate school because at the time, she was finishing her last year at Columbia. I've contemplated going to graduate school but in the South where I reside. Since she's a little older than me, she's had more experience dating men and having serious relationships than I have. Plus, she was engaged a few years ago before it broke apart which she was never fully able to come to terms with until she met this new guy who she developed fast feelings for. Then after relocating to the South, the current man (she was sort-of involved with) and her started having relationship troubles which I assume dealt with the fact that she moved away and were unable to resume their love connection.On one hand, I've had my share of relationships and dates. When I met her, I was dating a college guy who was very bright, ambitious and handsome. We dated alot and then it fizzled out as I came to the realization that it wasn't going anywhere. My cousin was staunchly against me dating him at the time before we started having problems, which I can agree (she was able to pick up on things quickly than I did). But since then, I've dated at least three guys where all of whom have either graduated from college/were in school when I met them. She would ask me questions like, what does he look like? How tall is he? Is he working toward a Bachelors/Masters degree? And if something didn't sound right or agree with her upon the first news or first glance, she would instantly tell me to move on, he's not worth it! There are other fish in the sea...Now, I would continue dating these men regardless of her opinion, and they each respected me, attended school and/or held jobs in their career field. The recent guy I met graduated with a two-year degree and is working as a security guard to save money for architecture school. These men I encountered highly respected me and we had alot in common. And mind you, I'm all about trying to find out about the person as much as possible before pre-judging them based on appearance, educational background and religous preference. My cousin is an ordained minister who believes in having the close-to-perfect partner with no children, and at least a Bachelors degree or higher for her liking. And as a caring relative, she wants the best for me it seems, but I will and have to make my own decisions even if she doesn't agree with them. I want to trust what my cousin says, but then I can't if she's so judgmental about the men I date. Why is this the case? If I follow her advice, I'll never be able to find the man of my dreams!
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ambition, cousin, engaged, money, move on Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 She's obviously more mature than you and feels a sense of responibility to you to ensure you don't get hurt...I'd listen to her and go with the flow. You're lucky to have someone tat gives a hoot.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): there's the family who dont care enough, and then the family who cares "too much"i think the best way to learn about relationships is to go have them yourself. also, what kind of guys is she dating??you're young, so im assuming so are the guys you are dating. master degrees take time.. it sounds like the guys you're dating are heading in the right direction though. she could just be one of those girls who just like to complain about all men. which isn't bad, just dont let it interfere with you going out and learning the ropes on your own. just remember what it is you're looking for, don't make too bad of choices (like unexpected pregnancies for exam.) and when you find the right guy, she'll learn to except them, and then you thank her for guiding you in the direction of a great guy.there's pro's and con's to having such a caring judgmental cousin.. which both could be used to your advantage :) there's also pro's and con's to only using your own judgment with out any outside opinions! dating around is harmless.. i'd say do that as you please as long as it's not interfering with how far you go in life, maybe you'll be able to teach her something about guys before you find the right one!
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 SHe's older, she's an ordained minister and she has dated for longer than you; did I get down all the reasons why you think her opinions are better than yours and you should believe everything she says about your love life?
She also changed cities for a man without a rock on her hand - and that's a big no-no in my book - and has a broken engagement behind her; so I would say her judgement is NOT 100% in ANY case!
She is a good cousin, she loves you, and she is just hoping to save you from the things that she has done wrong in HER love life, which is all ANY good female family member tries to do. So listen to her advice with your head; BUT then sift through it with your OWN good judgement and decide for YOURSELF. With your OWN good head and heart.
If you want some rules of thumb on dating; try this book.
http://www.amazon.com/Stupid-Things-Women-Their-Lives/dp/0060976497
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (22 July 2011):
 Then don't follow her advice. She's probly thinking that she's helping and that you two have the same desires when looking for a man. But since you don't like this, tell her how you feel. It's not her right to judge who you date based on what her preferences are. Only you can judge what you're doing because you're the one in the relationship. Just ask her to stop judging who you date because you don't like it and if she understands, then she won't hesitate to do so. If she doesn't, then you may just want to refrain from talking about relationships/dating with her.
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