A
female
age
30-35,
*ammanthhaa1
writes:Hi, lately I've been worrying about my boyfriend's friendship with his ex girlfriend.They were together for 2 years and she was his first serious relationship and also his first love. She cheated on him and left him for the other guy and lied to him about a lot of stuff. He was devastated and in shock over their break up and everything that happened with them.So him and I are together now, and it's been about 8 months since they broke up and they are still friends and still keep in touch with each other regularly. I'm just a little worried I guess. I just don't want to get hurt or be cheated on and dumped for, I mean he really loved that girl. Do you think there's a good possibility I could get hurt? Do people really ever get over there first love?
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female
reader, Scarlettxx  +, writes (21 August 2013):
 Situations begin & end for a reason. After time some people realise this & move on & then, for some, it's a little bit harder.
To answer your question about getting hurt & echoing what they other answerers have said, yes there is a possibility. No-one's relationship is perfect, there is always that possibility that your heart will be broken & that goes for whatever length of time you've been in a relationship. Humans are their own worst enemy when it comes to hurting others!
However that is no reason why you shouldn't take a chance. I would keep my walls up to an extent for the first while just in case. Talk to him about it. Don't go accusing him of doing anything or being psychotic but discuss how you're feeling. People may say it's too early but why should you bottle up how you're feeling for the sake of keeping him happy? There are two of you in this relationship. You could bottle it up & be increasingly unnerved & unhappy & it could still fall apart so just spit it out... but in a constructive way.
Why don't you suggest to go & meet up with his ex with him? Get to know her? This can lesson insecurity. You might end up becoming friends. His reaction will also be very telling.
My OH is good friends with a lot of girls & a couple of his exes & they're all lovely girls who have become friends with me. Although my last boyfriend was never over his ex & ended up hurting me by getting back with her. I'm not trying to worry you, I'm trying to make a point. It depends on the guy & how accepting he is of the break-up.
In a nutshell you'll know at some point soon if he's really over her but until then keep a little wall up & speak your feelings (but remember, do it constructively!) still enjoy it & have fun, you're only young, if this doesn't work out there is still so much more in life! Good luck x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2013): Answering your question, "Do people get over first loves?" Absolutely. I was with a guy for 3 years and we broke up due to a mental disorder (on my end) causing too many problems between us. It wasn't because we didn't love each other, so I certainly thought I wasn't going to get over it, but I made it through and have a new boyfriend.
Is there a chance you'll get hurt? I'm sorry, but yes, there always is when things involve the ex. I have a feeling that it might boil down to how much you trust him to stay faithful to you. Just ask yourself that question.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (20 August 2013):
 Congratulations on your new relationship.
In answer to your question is there a possibility you could get hurt? Yes, but that's a risk in any relationship from day one. The risk lessens as the relationship matures and develops.
Do people ever get over their first love? I think yes for most people, some quicker than others, most people look back on those relationships fondly as they get older but only a few would ever try to rekindle them.
I can understand how it seems odd that his ex could cheat on and dump him but he's happy to remain friends however, look at this from another point a view, maybe he wasn't as in love with her when this happened as he had been when they first got together. Maybe they've both accepted that there were problems in that relationship that caused her to go off with another guy. Some people just work better as friends than lovers could this be the case? If yes then it perfectly reasonable that they stay friends.
I think you have to talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel. Only he can truly reassure you.
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