A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so my boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 months now but only really official I guess for a month. I'm just trying to decide if things are going anywhere with this relationship. He is very weird about his phone and refuses to leave it in the room alone with me. He won't even talk to his friends on the phone with me in the same room. When people call him he never says he is with me he is just " laying around doing nothing". And he is always drinking, everything I'm over he has about 5-6 beers and usually when I go over he will have me stop and get him some. He didn't even tell me that he is starting a new job, I over heard him when he was on the phone. And I really don't know much about his family and I only hear him talk about his grandma and brother, but I really can't get him to talk about his family. but at least he texts me all day long and tells me that he misses me and loves me with hearts and kissy faces so I'm thinking he cares to some degree.... So I guess in just wondering if this is a lost cause or if its still really new and I should wait it out??
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 December 2012):
 I see a couple of red flags here… the phone being the least of your problems.
1. It’s only three months… not a long period of time, you still should be courting each other and it appears he is not making that effort.
2. Phones are a big issue now… when I was growing up (and until I was married with children) we did not have cell phones. We didn’t even have cordless phones… folks did not have to be electronically attached by a leash 24/7 like they are now. BUT the fact that he says “just laying around doing nothing” when he is with you, is not right.
3. He is always drinking. 5-6 beers PER day is excessive. He may have an alcohol problem. TREAD LIGHTLY here. My hubby is an active alcoholic. 5-6 beers is nothing for him. Alcoholics have many issues, including, sexual problems. As a man ages that gets worse… a guy at 22-25 with 5-6 beers in him may be able to perform, a guy at 32-35 with 4 beers in him may not.
4. He has you stop on your way over to bring him beer. Two concerns:
a. Is he paying you back for these beers
b. Is he ever taking you out or coming to your house or are you always going to hang out at his place (and picking up his booze on the way and possibly paying for it)
5. He got a new job and did not tell you. Usually you share good news with your partner. I’m thinking this man does not see you as a partner so much as a beer:30 handy penis holder. (are you having sex with him after you stop and pick up his beer to deliver to him?)
6. Three months is not a long time to meet family for adults… but friends you should know…
Now about this thought that because a guy spends a few minutes sending you a text with kissy faces and hearts and stuff, he loves you… I call BS.
It’s still new BUT:
If you only go to his place (he never comes to yours or takes you out)
If you are having sex (or attempting to have sex and he can’t due to too much beer)
If you are bringing beer and not being paid back for it,
Then RUN!
IF you go to his place but he’s not trying to have sex
If you don’t go to your place because he lives alone and you do not
If he’s taking you out at all
IF he’s paying you back for the beer.
Then tread carefully….
A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe  +, writes (26 December 2012):
 Hmmmmm I tend to think that something doesnt sound right is the natural conclusion. However, be aware as CMMP kind of intimates there are other explanations for his behaviour other than sneakiness and/or cheating. He could just be a private person. I think i'd be bad with my phone with a new partner because my last ex was invasive, controlling and a touch on the paranoid side. You mention he is always drinking, my view is that this could indicate a problem with alcohol and a problem with alcohol suggests deeper problems, probably that he bottles up his emotions and therefore being an intensely private person fits. So, dont necessarily assume the worst. I dont think you have enough evidence to convict at this moment, what you have is totally rational, reasonable grounds to doubt him. There are two ways you can go about this, you can directly confront him about his behaviour, which if there is an innocent explanation for his actions and he just is a private person will probably annoy him and push him further into his shell or you can try and coax him into opening up by reassuring him your there for him and watching, seeing if he does change (give that one a bit of time). Your next course of action depends entirely on you really, I would choose between one of these two approaches depending on whether you think hes innocent or guilty, if you think hes cheating or his some damaging hidden agenda, confront him, bring matters to a head in a move that will possibly end the relationship, if you think the explanation is more innocent/complicated try and coax him. You have to make that call depending on your much better than ours knowledge of him. You can always try the second approach and if that doesnt work go with the first, either way do something because if you dont the relationship will end in any case.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2012): There's something about this guy that doesn't sound right. My son's ex girlfriend was like that, she was a quiet sneaky cheater and had a lot of secrets, she didn't want anyone to get to know her and she only told my son she love him through texts messages and email. When it all came to light, she didn't love anyone because she's a gold digger, she's the type that dumps her boyfriend when ever she met a new guy that could give her more. She dated two guy on the job, one 45 yr old and one 29 yr old and she's 40 yr old, got married to the 29 yr old that makes over $25 per hour, told him he could move in with her after her son finish college next year, had a baby a couple of months ago, dumped him and now she taking him to court for child support and he never gotten to move in with her after marriage.We all on the job knew something wasn't right about her, we all knew she didn't love him, she is weird!!!!If I were you I would shy away from this guy because he could be a married man plus you've only been with him 3 months and all he does is lay around. Be careful with this guy. IF it walk like a duck, quack like a duck then it must be a duck.You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2012): he is most likely cheating on you and he does not respect you or see you as a long term partner
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (25 December 2012):
You haven't given it a lot of time. If he's like me he likes to take it slow and doesn't announce everything to the world as soon as it happens.Also, who knows what's up with his family. Obviously he's not as close to his parents as you are and since you've been together so little I would give that time as well.It does sound like he drinks too much though. However, some people use alcohol as a social lubricant, so maybe it helps him feel more relaxed with you.The phone thing: at this early stage in your relationship he could have an ex gf that still contacts him periodically, or he uses it to watch porn and doesn't want you looking through it. It could even be that he's addicted to his phone and wants it by his side at all time.The beautiful thing about dating is that you're really just applying for a job that's hopefully the beginning of a successful career. At this point the interview isn't going too well and it doesn't look like he'll be hired, but it's only at the beginning of the interview. You don't know enough about him to hire or fire yet.
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