A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I have a long distance boyfriend and everything is great. There is just one thing that I have a problem with. He keeps adding his ex to facebook every time that she sends him a request, then she will get the shits with him blocks him, and then later on sends a request again and he accepts. I am getting sick of it, I don't understand why he puts up with her shit and keeps being nice. He swears that he is over her, but I am just not so sure about it. I am getting extremely fed up this situation and I am almost ready to tell him to get lost and just get back with her if that what he wants. I just wish that he would tell her to get lost completely, or get back with her and let me move on. I love him with all my heart and I don't want to lose him, i just don't understand what is going on with him and why the hell he is putting me through this. I am sick of this and not sure what I should do.Thanks for your help.
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facebook, his ex, long distance, move on Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnon, Our mutual friends have told me that she keeps messing him around, so it's not just his word. My question now is what sort of woman goes after someone knowing they have a girlfriend, whether they are an 'ex' of the guys or not. I am sorry but if someone is taken then they are taken and until they are single nobody should be after them. I would not do anything like this to another girl, so I don't expect any woman to do it me, and I have no respect for his ex. There was a reason it didn't work out, and if he and I don't last then I will accept that, but I will not accept some other so-called woman trying to take him off me because she is too selfish and morally devoid that she would go after a man who is with another woman. I have no respect for his 'ex' or any woman who would do that, because I would not do it to them. Thanks you have now given me the strength to work this out and make it clear to this woman that if she wants my man, she will have to fight me, because I will not just roll over for a disrespectful little cow like her. If he wants to break up with me he can, but I won't just give up so some other cow can have things her way and treat me like crap.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2011): how do you know for sure that she messed him around. he may be lying to you. i'm in this situation but im the "ex" so to speak. he treated me awfully, we keep blocking each other on facebook but then realising we miss each other greatly. we've even got back together but his girlfriend has just moved away and he wont tell her, its killing me. talk to him and tell him how much it upsets you. let him choose and if he doesnt treat you well then he's not worth it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your response, I guess I kind of already knew that, I just needed to get someone elses view. Thankyou for helping me, I have a hard converstaion ahead of me.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 September 2011):
I think, sadly, that you are on a losing battle with this guy. This ex issue might be the one problem you have, but it's clearly a massive one with serious implications about how he feels about you. This is a huge red flag.
It's very clear to me that you've said something about this to him already, and you've been met with the whole 'I swear I'm over her' response. But, as you'll be aware, you can measure someone by their actions more than you can their words. He might say he's over her, but his actions really, really suggest he's not.
Firstly, he's still in contact with an ex who treated hi badly. Secondly, she's always messing him around and he accepts it. Thirdly, he's done nothing to stop it. Fourthly, he won't even stop it for you, let alone himself.
There are four reasons there that show this guy isn't over her, or at the very least has little respect for how you feel over this. He shouldn't be accepting this treatment from her in the first place, but to then kind of throw it in your face really is a joke.
Finally, you mention the classic line "...I don't want to lose him". I've been on this site a long time, and answered a lot of questions with that exact line in it. And it always means that a relationship is dead or dying. In your case, it's dead. You've not lost him, because you never had him. And to be honest, you'd be better losing this one anyway. He's just not worth the hassle.
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