A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why is love the only thing my ex has ditched??Ive been in a LDR for almost 3 years now and recently he broke up with me. He became depressed about life and what hes doing and became emotionless altogether.I used to talk to him everyday online (and yes I have met him before anyone asks, we get along absolutely perfect in real and when im there it has been 24/7 with him) and then he didnt come on for a few days. When he came online he told me he wants to be friends. He told me his reasons and I was like ok (ofcourse I cried, still do, for ages and took it very hard) however I want him in my life, I love him and I'll always be there for him.But I want to know why is love the only thing he's quit?? Hes concentrating more on passing school and has his first doctors appointment tomorrow in which he could get put on meds or maybe therapy. But he still plays games all the time, still does the same old stuff in school etc. He says he has no time for love but why? why only love has he given up on? Could it be my fault? He says he has no interest whatsoever in any girls because I asked him and he said he doesnt care so Im not sure. Im incredibly confused.
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female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (18 April 2011):
Because love involves another person, and requires someone to not be selfish, to care about someone else, to be considerate, etc etc. If he's depressed and doesn't care about life, he can barely care about himself let alone anyone else. By being alone, he doesn't have to have the pressure of knowing someone cares about him and worries about him. He doesn't have to be nice to you and treat you like he thinks a girlfriend should be treated, or feel guilty for not being a good boyfriend.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 April 2011):
 I understand that you may be sad and hurt, but- you sort of remind me of the old gag of the boyscout who helps old ladies to cross the street- and drags on, kicking and screaming, also the old lady that DOES NOT want to cross teh street.
You can't force your love down the throat of people who do not want to be loved , and you can't impose your help on people who don't want to be helped.
If he is really depressed,yes , often love is the first thing you ditch- because you can't afford the luxury to ditch your work or your studies,or your family, and there is simply no energy, no mental lucidity, no interest enough for everything.
When you mention that he still play games, tbh ,that makes me think that he may be just very mildly depressed, and playing his state up with you, as an excuse for leaving a relationship that he has outgrown. Severally depressed people don't care about fun and games and hobbies. But that too, in general.There are exceptions- some depressed people hold on mechanically , without much pleasure , to their hobbies and social committments , so that their routine may help them go through the day.
Either way, accept that he is not responsive to your efforts now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionoh i must also add that he said he doesnt want love because its so exhausting.
he said love needs attention and right now he has no attention to give, i actually responded to that with yeah it does need attention but it can also see when the other person needs help and helps and focuses all their attention on them and doesnt expect any back because they know what their going through (because i do believe that...yes love and me require attention but i love him and i can see what he's going through so all my attention is on him and i dont expect anything back but he dumped me)
anyways his response was watever i dont want love.
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