A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well here goes....I'm a 29 year old male and last July I got involved with a woman that I work with who is 35 years old with 3 children. She initially approached me and asked me for my number after she started working there for a month or so. She was also up front that she had a boyfriend of 12 years(who lives in another state)!! She also stated that things weren't going well with her relationship, and we started out as very good friends. After another month I took her out and we had a great time. We went out to eat and such and afterwards she was very sexually aggressive which is a turn off to me. I didn't expect it. I'm a gentleman(rare these days). I would've been happy kissing her on the cheek.Things had continued through December and by then we hadn't even had sex. Then something I know I shouldnt have done happened. I had sex with her in January. Our feelings were getting involved heavily. I told her that I loved her. She told me likewise. We were having sex like crazy. Periodically her bf would come down every two weeks, and we wouldn't see each other. We would stay together for weeks on end alongside her children. Her living situation hasn't been the greatest since we've known each other. She also recently moved into her own place a few weeks ago. Now I'm having doubts about my feelings and wondering if this will lead anywhere. I have always had doubts the whole time they are coming more apparent now. I think that she is using me and stringing me along for the sake of it. Really we are both wrong. I feel so bad for doing this!!! I want no more part of this "love triangle", but I know it will be a problem because we work together. I'm a really good guy too. You know what she actually said one time?? She said "Maybe you're not mature enough to handle this"...The mature thing to do is stop it all. The longer it goes on the more things she asks me for...it's annoying. To be honest when I'm not around her I'm happier. I feel like such an idiot. I know if I end it now its going to be a problem cause we work together. What do I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): I don't subscribe to the once a cheater always a cheater. But I beleive this to be true. If they will cheat with you. They will cheat on you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): I've got to agree with the other poster. I was in the same position last year. Met a woman at work, got on really well as friends and it ended up going further (even though she was engaged). She got a place of her own but kept in touch with the ex. In my case she ended it with me and moved back in with her ex. I was devastated and it didn't help that we had to see each other every day at work!
Run away as fast as you can. Never look back, trust me you are so much better off without her.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (18 April 2011):
Hello again. You are doing the right thing, believe me.
As you said about the possibility of leaving the job you are in at the beginning of May, I really think that's a good thing. Then you won't be seeing her anymore. Positive all round.
You are much better off without someone like that. No-one needs that crap, that's for sure.
My advice is, don't leap straight into another relationship just yet - leave it a while, that's really wise.
It will be her loss - not yours. You are definitely right about that.
Look after yourself and take care. Best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter all the stuff I've seen/been involved with while seeing her I realized she is a total nutball!! lol Seriously!! I sure can pick em!! haha(I might as well laugh!) The sex wasn't even good..to me at least. Total garbage. Sorry I have to vent. I wouldnt say this stuff to her face, but it has to be said. I was thinking of contacting her bf and telling him everything, but that wouldn't be right. I don't like seeing people get hurt or being hurt. I'm sure her bf is cooler than her anyways! haha
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBingo! You nailed it! I always wonder about what her children might say or think. She has alot of issues seriously... not to mention a funky little attitude sometimes. She'll be missing out for real. After this episode is over I'm through with women for a good while unless someone really special comes along. It's funny that you mention the job thing cause I possibly might be leaving the job at the beginning of May. Also, since she moved the "old bf" is supposedly going to be moving in. I really don't want to waste my time with that. She said something along the lines of "We can go to a hotel." To be honest I don't respect her anymore. I'm also mad at myself for letting it continue to this point.Thanks for the reply,A soon to be free man! :)
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (18 April 2011):
Hi there. You already said the answer - to end it. Believe me, it's the right answer.
The longer it goes on for, the more hurt you will be. Plus wondering - as you are already doing now - where it's all going.
There is a good chance that her children will spill the beans to her boyfriend anyway! Then you won't have a choice, but to decide.
She's cheating on the other guy with you, then when he comes to see her - she's cheating on you!
You deserve better than that surely.
There can't be any trust there by you. Do you really want to date a girl who cheats? Before you knew it, she'd be cheating on you also.
Yes, it will be awkward if you break it up - because of working together - but I don't think you have any other choice.
Because you said yourself, that you are happier when you don't see her. I think that says it all, don't you?
Jobs are still hard to come by, so unless you could find another satisfying job, you are really best to stay there.
When you say you work together, do you just work for the same company, or do your jobs require that you have contact with each other all day, through the duties of your jobs? If so, then that is very uncomfortable.
If you do say to her that it's over, then you have to both agree to keep your work relationship strictly professional - and no exceptions.
The best thing to say to her to end it is to just be completely honest with her.
Something like - "I really think that it's morally the wrong thing for me to do - because you already have a boyfriend - and I don't feel right about continuing with it. I wouldn't like that done to me either."
Just be respectful towards her and don't get angry or upset, and be open and honest.
It's really the only way. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): Now I'm having doubts about my feelings and wondering if this will lead anywhere.***
I can't help you with your feelings but you only know what she tells you.
You might want to be thinking what you will do if her guy or ex guy or however he is classified currently gets wind of you setting up shop in his girl friend's or his ex's or what ever she is classified currently knickers.
That will render all this other gnashing of teeth moot.
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