A
female
age
51-59,
*offee8993
writes:Dear cupid,I met a guy a year ago, kind of a blind date. We hit it off the first time we laid eyes on one another. The thing is, I am black he is white. He comes from an environment that does not believe in interracial relationships. I know he cares a lot for me, maybe even loves me because he has said it. I care deeply for him also but, when ever he feels as though we are getting too close, I feel him backing off and if we go where there are mostly whites he gets anxiety and acts weird. He will even suggest we go places to have fun but, I think this is him trying to prove something to his self. I have even heard him say he doesn't care any more about what people feel or says but, those feelings comes up again. There have been times he has said to me that he wants us to stop seeing each other because he feels that it will be easier to date someone of his own race or closer to his race but, we find ourselves back with each other over and over again. I feel offended by this and even belittled but I don't know why I keep going back to him. We talk hours on the phone until we both are just too tired to talk. We lie next to each other not wanting to let go of the moment and sharing our deepest thoughts and secrets with each other. We argue or shall I say we have disagreements and then we apologize to each other all the time. When I call him he always says I was just thinking of you or i could feel you thinking of me. He makes me laugh all the time. He will do anything for me. He was there for me when my family passed away and when other personal things occurred in my life. I don't want to walk away but I do want to respect his feelings. We are both equally guilty of not being able to let go. I love him but I don't want to get hurt. We haven't been intimate in three weeks because he is going through his anxiety phase again. I will always be a black woman. That will never change. It's been a year now. Please give me some sound advice. This is truly painful. Why is love judged by something other than the heart? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 June 2009):
 Being a military spouse I see a LOT in "inter-racial" marriages. Most of them do a LOT better then the Black/Black, White/White, Hispanic/Hispanic marriages. You know why? Because they from the start had to fight for their RIGHT to be together. It builds strong relationship and strong marriages.
I'm sorry that I have to agree with Ilovebowandcherries. If he can not get past it, he needs to let you go and you need to let him go. For me color is only skin deep. If others can't/won't see past that then they are truly pathetic.
Though if he is having a hard time with this, can you imagine his family, his co-workers, friends? How they might react and treat you? The women he loves?
I wish he would grow a set and love and respect you like he ought, but I'm sure he is capable.
You deserve a man who is PROUD to be with you. Who loves, adores, worship you for YOU. One who thinks you are God's gift to him, not something you should hide.
A
female
reader, josephy  +, writes (24 June 2009):
 Let him know that when he is first fell in love with you fell with who you are. people talk as long as they have something to talk about when a new subject appears they move he hasn't considered what others say this will make him stay in his place, let him know that he has to manage his life as he wants not how people do if he wants you to stay in his life say it even if its hard and painful as love has to be over all this. good luck I hope he is going to open his eyes.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (24 June 2009):
 hun i know you don't want to leave him but i think in some ways i think it maybe best for you.
he clearly has issues with what other people think and he shouldn't he should love you the way you are!
he says he isn't going to care what people think so why does he?
it's not a bad thing white person with black person i think it's erally refreshing to see two different people together.
but he keeps picking and choosing and it's not fair on you!
you should just tell him you can't do it i mean i know how much you clearly like him but at the end of the day it's like you're not able to move anywhere because you're always holding onto the hope he'll actually grow some b***s and just be with you DESPITE whatever anyone says about the situation, but from where i am i don't think he'll ever do that i think he does want to but he's too undecisive to choose. he's letting oppinions win over love and it should be love over oppinions.
anyways i hope this helps hun best of luck let me know what happens message me you need anything :)
x x x x ilovebowsandcherries x x x x
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