A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so i have a very sincere question that i've been wondering for years. it's troubling me greatly. i have been out of the closet for over ten years now, and have dated nothing but really feminine women who don't "look gay" (despite being VERY MUCH SO). my problem is this. why is it that straight men don't take two gay womens relationship seriously? and i honestly don't feel bad referencing men as a whole, because honestly, in my personal experiences, it is literally 99.9% or men. for example, my gf works with me. everyone at work knows she's my gf. but does that stop the men who i even considered MY FRIENDS from taking shots at getting her? hell no. i have to watch men i considered friends hit on her shamelessly, in front of my face, all the time. and this has happened with literally every gf i've had, and it's extremely upsetting. this has happened countless times in bars, where men see me holding my gf's hand, yet still come up and hit on her in my face. it happens everywhere. almost daily.my question is why? i also work with a guy who's fiance works with us, and trust, no other guy there hits on his girl. they wouldn't do that to him. so why is it that men do this with women? it's incredibly disrespectful and it hurts. why do men do this? do they just not take us seriously? do they not care or see us as a real couple? what is it? fyi, i'm in america, so i can't presume how it is everywhere. my experiences are just from here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): honestly, i think if your gf gets hit on at bars or nightclubs is because many girls hold hands and pretend to be a couple in order that they can have a girls night out and have an excuse to reject guys that they dont feel attracted to. that's a lame game, every guy knows that, thats why we dont care that much. but only at bars or clubs. real life is another story. i agree witj Cerberus on his post.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2013): I have to dsisagree with you and the other posters here OP, this is not even nearly a conspiracy against women or lesbians, it's a simple matter of straight women also being that cosy with their straight female friends. We can't tell the difference and we're just going to assume they're straight and take the chance until we have good reason to believe otherwise.
I mean come on, how often have you seen two straight women kiss passionately in a bar or hold hands, or cuddle or get very hot and heavy with each other? I see that all the time. I even have straight female friends who have a habit of kissing each other when out or grinding each other on the dance floor, getting very sexual with each other. We guys just don't assume women doing that are gay because straight women do all that stuff too.
As far as guy friends hitting on your girlfriends unless they were actively trying to kiss them then it seems to me to be a bit of flirting, which is kind of normal OP. My male friends flirt with my fiancée all the time, it's just a bit of fun and she plays the game back because it's fun. They would never do anything and they moreso flirt with her because she's "safe" in the sense there are no underlying agendas because she's not available to them.
Now where I see some prejudice is in stereotyping. I don't need to explain that to you, the short haired butch type of woman is a lesbian deal, people still find it hard to see feminine women as lesbian just as they do straight acting men as being gay.
I have a few lesbian friends, the butch ones don't get this kind of hassle, they get the other kind, the dirty looks and obvious judgement but even that is not very common here in Ireland, in fact recent polls show us to be the most tolerant of alternate sexualities and more open to idea of the gender binary being an outdated concept. 80% of us are in favour of marriage equality for example. But a beautiful woman, is a beautiful and they will be hit on. My fiancée gets hit on all the time when we're out, all the time OP. I mean come on person12345 and CindyCares probably get hit on all the time too. It's just what happens, it's not meant to be sirespectful and it's not because you're viewed as weak or they don't respect your sexual preference. I'm a built, rough tough guy and my girlfriend still gets hit on in front of me.
OP as a guy I must say, you don't always notice a person's partner, especially after a few drinks in a bar. Maybe the guy she's cosy with is a gay male friend, maybe she only met him tonight and is still a viable target, maybe it's a guy stuck in the friendzone, in your case maybe you and she are just cosy friends, the only way you find out is by going over and hitting on them. I never let it stop me, it's always up to the woman herself to put me in her place.
Look I'm not trying to water down your feelings or trivialize them, I have no doubt there are some men being disrespectful in the way you think but I think for the most part that is not what is happening. And I have to say OP, if you can't deal with people hitting on your girlfriend in a bar setting for example it's going to be a tough life because that never stops if she's gorgeous.
As for friends doing it, a bit of harmless flirting is okay in my opinion it's up to you and she to know what's too far and to mark your territory by telling them ease up with that shit and back off.
I can only speak of Ireland, but most here aren't like how you describe, sure there are some that think they "turn" a woman or she's only lesbian because she hasn't had his dick etc. but that here is exceptionally rare. All beautiful women get hit on, it's just how they handle that, that matters.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 January 2013):
 Because some men ( most ? ) deeply believe that there can't be any "real" sex if there isn't a penis involved .All the rest is a curiosity, a passing fancy, a whim, a mistake... but, a feminine looking woman ? naaah... what she "really " wants is cock.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (19 January 2013):
 Because sexism, that's why. Basically some men are brought up believing that all women are supposed to be sexually available to men at all times. When two women are in a lesbian relationship, it's the ultimate way of being not available to guys. The sexist guy will refuse to believe that a woman could have a sexuality existing outside the context of a man (especially that particular individual man) and feel a need to try to prove that she can be convinced to be with a man instead, just to try to prove his sexist ideals (that all women are available to all men).Also if you look at most porn these days, there's this whole concept of girl on girl. Not lesbian, girl on girl. Meaning they aren't really lesbian, it's all just a show for men. So some guys will take that into the real world, that women can't REALLY not be into men, they must just be putting on a show.
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