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Why is it that I love my boyfriend but want to be loved by this other guy too?

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 February 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 22 February 2011)
A female United States age 26-29, *weetLipsX0 writes:

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now(11 months) and its been great being with him.

No break ups, a few arguments now and then but all resolved =).

Thing is i'm nearly 16 and hes 19, i think because of his age he,s told me he's ready to settle down and start a family. We have had conversations about each others future, and how he wants one with me.

He has a job, and a car and tells me he's working hard to come back to me (he moved away for awhile )and to continue being with me.

I do love him, but for some reason I want to be with this other guy, who my mom actually likes. This one guy is 16, and completely different than my boyfriend.

I am physically attracted to my boyfriend, but maybe not as much as this other guy. I'm so confused tho, Why is it that i love my bf, and yet i want to be loved by someone else? Its probably because my boyfriend isn't with me and i feel a sense of loneliness, and /or because there's just something lacking in our relationship.

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A female reader, SweetLipsX0 United States +, writes (22 February 2011):

SweetLipsX0 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

SweetLipsX0 agony auntThanks for everyones opinion, and its not so easy to just break up with my boyfriend, because i know it would break his heart, and mine. Hes not my first boyfriend, but he is the one ive gone through alot with. Including, rough times with family, school, etc. He told me he will wait till i am 18-19 so we can live together. I love him and all, but thats just to much, because i want to go to college, and want to be with someone who wants to reallllly achieve in life. He does, but with work, i do with education. I know i have to work hard with that, but im willing to do that, i think with going with him at 18-19, ill end up pregnant, causing all my desires and goals to end at that point. Currently im not cheating on my boyfriend with the other guy, not only because its wrong(although im thinking about it) but also because the other guy wants to get to know me better as a friend before deciding to be together. Which i totally understand.

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A male reader, Capri2 Argentina +, writes (22 February 2011):

She may be not of legal age for having sex. But law doesn't forbidden a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship.

Anyway, I guess the age gap with your boyfriend is getting you trouble. Maybe this other guy (the one you cheat on your boyfriend with) and you have more things in common. And the only thing that keep you tied to your boyfriend is love. A love more like another family member. Like a brother.

Of course I have too little information to give you a proper direction. But I feel that you should move on to this new guy and break up with your current boyfriend.

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A male reader, ClearEyes United States +, writes (21 February 2011):

Well, the fact that your 15 and with a 19 year old is not only scary to me, but also illegal under the laws of 49/50 of the United States, so that right there represents a problem. I am dumbfounded that your mother is okay with you being physically involved with a 19 year old, but thats beside the point.

Your around my age, (17) we're teenagers, we have raging hormones that honestly won't settle down till we're about 20 or 21. We are in no position, hormonally, to make a decision on a lover or partner yet, we are essentially floating around, taking what we can get to gain some experience and find out what we do and don't like. Both of these guys probably have characteristics that you find attractive, so its totally natural for you to have feelings for both. You ask Why, I say hormones. I mean the odds that your going to marry this 19 year old are slim, your only 15. limiting yourself like that is unfair.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011):

You want another guy because you are young and want to experience other people. That's how I felt. Now as far as him wanting to settle down and have a family, I don't know any 19 year old who wants to settle down and have a family. That's just crazy talk. Break up with him and stay single while u can. Do not in any way try and start a family with this kid when you aren't even 16 yet that's not what you need to worry about at your age. I'm not trying to tell you you're a baby or anything cuz your not, you just need to have fun and forget about any 19 year old that wants a family. And just to add I also don't know any respectable 19 year old that dates 15 year old's. Stay young ;) Good luck!

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (21 February 2011):

janniepeg agony auntHe's your first boyfriend and possibly the last, since you are talking about marriage. How can you be so sure he's the one? Maybe you don't want to regret not playing the field. The only thing lacking in your relationship is your ability to compare him with other guys. Honestly to have a relationship to proceed that far for a 19 year old, is rare when you think of the typical 19 year old who parties and have no directions in life (sorry for the stereotype). You got more going on than your peers. You might wonder why it's so easy for you to get what you want. Is it really you or is your boyfriend ready to settle down with just anyone? Remember though your boyfriend is not your everything person in your life. We are all missing pieces of puzzles of each other. There are pieces that fit much better than the other ones. The ability to love more than one person at the same time is completely normal. It is our choice to stick with one person because it makes life simpler.

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