A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a guy for a about 7 months now. When we met it was out of the blue, I was enjoying my lunch...and what I found out later is he saw me from outside when I walked into the restaurant. He followed me in, got himself lunch and then introduced himself. He was very persistent, and I took a liking to him. He is also very very cute, which doesn't hurt. Anyways from that day on, what we had just kept growing. At first it was seeing each other once a week, it turned into him calling me almost every night to chat. It got to the point where he had asked for more, sort of a real relationship and I said no. It was still early, and I had actually gotten out of a very abusive relationship. I thought by getting in a relationship I would lose all of the progress I had made. Finally being happy with myself, independent, etc.I am nearly 22, and he is 27. Time went on, and I learned he was also in a very toxic relationship. This woman did a lot of damage on his life, and he's working now to pick up the pieces. We kept seeing one another even though it wasn't a traditional r ship. And since the day we met....neither of us has had anything romantic, with anyone else. We haven't pursued anyone else, slept with, NONE of that. We live in south florida so this is even more surprising...its party city down here.My guy is not interested in casual relationships. We both find each other attractive and know that we could very easily get other people, but choose not to. Anyways ever since I turned him down way in the beginning about the rship, he hasn't asked me again. He has told me 2 times that he sees me as marriage material, that I remind him of his mother (which he calls a "good woman"). He tells me i'm beautiful inside and out. He is just very closed off because of what happened in his past, like he doesn't really open up. Once when he was drunk he started opening up and saying how he thinks i'm the most beautiful woman in the world, he wants me forever etc. He explained why things are this way...I guess the thing is I am kind of losing the security I had with him. It got to the point now where he is working on personal things. He is working on buying some property, focusing on his career,etc. While he was with that abusive woman, he gave up all the things he wanted in life to please her. It ended up putting him behind where he knows he should be. He is not financially where he wants to be. He says this is hurting our relationship because he is putting so much time into that. He assures me it is for the better in the long run. All this time he was complaining that I didn't seem to want more, and now he is saying when I keep asking him about it, seems as though I am pressuring him to make me his gf.This is just a strange situation. I don't know what everything else has to do with me...I am considering just backing off but don't know if that is a good decision. He has jumped through hoops to show me that hes a good guy. I just can't keep not knowing where things are headed. It's funny because I am the one who never wanted anything serious. But he is still saying he wants more, he just doesn't want to be pressured into it right now...what to do?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 February 2011):
 The strongest kind of love is when you can allow someone to have doubts, insecurities, or even occasionally let it out on you. He's shying away from the title because he's afraid he can't make you happy, due to his financial situation. He can't guarantee he can give you what you need, like buying a house or afford raising children in the future.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): Hi I am the op....I was comfortable with not knowing, but I think there is a point where it gets weird...we basically are boyfriend and girlfriend and are shying away from the title. But why?And yes he does take me to dinner, we enjoy things. He just isn't good at expressing himself. He will tell me that I shot him down, but its like then why don't you try again? You are spending all of your free time with me, taking me to dinner, I also will cook for him/do things so we can enjoy as much as we can. But it's confusing because on one hand...why would he stick around for 7 months if he didn't like me? We've already done the deed...he calls me every day. He shows me in so many ways that he likes me, but then it's this situation...
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (21 February 2011):
I think it's a very empowering thing to be comfortable with not knowing where it's going. You show him that you are totally happy with the way it is. You are still very young. Your biological clock is not ticking yet. Next time he says he feels pressured ask him what did you do to make him feel that way. It's him that's giving himself pressure. Don't you worry, he likes you and he's not going anywhere. Even if he's interested in other women, what does he have to offer her now that he's not financially stable yet?
If you want to be with him, then be with him. No need to play hard to get with this guy. It won't make him make more money, and be more confident. It's not your fault that every time he sees you then he starts to worry about the money situation. Why can't you just enjoy time with each other? Can he not afford you even dinner? When he says he wants to take it slow, he's testing you to see if you like him enough to be patient, or do you just quit and go look for a guy who has everything set for life.
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