A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I give up. What does it take to be dateable? I just don’t get it. I’m told that I have a great, easygoing personality. I’m pretty average I’d say. 5’9, 150 pounds, thin to medium build. I’ve even been told by both my male and female friends alike that I’m a good looking guy. I’d say that I’m confident in myself but not overconfident. I don’t have to be, nor honestly do I want to be, the center of attention or the life of the party. So why am I perpetually the single one in the group? Why does it seem so impossible for me to find a girlfriend? I just hate seeing all these happy couples around me while I’m left feeling so lonely. I’m left wondering what quality they possess which makes them attractive to women that I lack. It would seem that women want nothing to do with me romantically, which is mind boggling because everyone I know can’t figure out why I’m still single. I guess that makes two of us… No matter how I go about it I inevitably get the same answer. “You’re a great guy, but I don’t see you that way,” or “I’m not looking for a relationship right now” (which really means “I’m not looking for a relationship with YOU right now.”) Meanwhile, they go off with the next d-bag that only wants one thing from them. How does that make any sense?
View related questions:
get a girlfriend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2012): Here is the deal... ( coming from a very picky girl ) Try not to be boring and predictable. ** We love a challenge at first ** You need to be confident, having a sense of humor is great too. Having us on edge is good. Not saying that you should be an a-hole. Just give us something to think about. Wonder where you are? and when is he gonna give me a call?? Too much romance is a deal breaker too. ( for me, anyway ) It's like your trying too hard and look desperate. Just be cool, know who you are. In time? You can relax in a steady wonderful relationship :) Oh yeah, don't be too open about your feelings, not in the beginning anyway. Our girlfriends are good for that kind of talk. Leave us some mystery for later in the relationship, than you can slowly open up to someone that you can trust. Good luck! :D
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (22 September 2012):
 Your friends are letting you down gently. They know why they won't date you or why they would never consider dating you, but they won't tell you because it will hurt your feelings. Most people function this way.The key to getting a girlfriend is finding a girl that you like both appearance and personality wise and then, get this - PURSUE her. Romantically that is. Don't do the half-assed thing where you're trying to be her friend or anything in that arena. Let her know within a day that you're interested in her and you'd like to take on a date. No hanging out, or neutral anything. We don't need friends and neither do you.Here is a list of traits that keep a "nice" man single:1. Someone who is too passive and scared to make a move2. Lack of confidence3. Timid and shyness4. Someone who leers, or otherwise gives off a creep vibe5. Socially awkwardIf you don't know how to talk to women, or flirt, you will always have a problem. Likewise, if women can walk all over you and if you're a pushover, women won't be too interested in you either. You need to look at yourself objectively and find out what trait turns women off and where you could improve. Be honest with yourself, or find someone who can be honest with you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Biffo  +, writes (21 September 2012):
There is a cover for every pot. When you least expect it, you will turn and she will be there. The perfect girl for you and it will be well worth the wait. Remember the hero always arrives just in the nick of time. Perhaps there is already a girl who has a crush on you. Speak to your friends, tell them that you'd like to be part of a couple. Perhaps they could set you up an a blind date. Perhaps join an evening class to meet some more girls, perhaps a gym, perhaps a drama group, plenty of opportunities. You need to get yourself out there. I'm sure before the end of the year, you'll be posting "I found her!"
Some of us are waiting for a second hero to arrive. But I'm happy to wait my turn - after you :o) BEST OF LUCK!
...............................
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (21 September 2012):
 So if anyone wants to come here and tell this guy to continue being himself... be my guest. Youll be wasting your time and his.
Pal, adapt. Women are ONLY attracted to certain kinds of personalities. They prefer a cocky n funny personality. Dont be approving or soft or kissing their butts with gifts to try to attract them. It wont work. Even nice dinners. Create attraction first then do all that. Research and read dating materials on how to reform ur personality. I recommend starting at Neil Strauss n David deangelo. good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2012): You came across as a very nice guy, and don't be disheartened that girls are not lining up at your door.. Meeting mr/mrs right can happen in an instant or take what in your case feels like a lifetime. It hard for male pride to get knocked back as in your great, but I'm not looking for a relationship... But if you take this to heart your never going to find the one for you...So it's puff out your chest, and join some dating sites take up hobbies, look to make friends rather than be a bf . Be elusive and box clever don't and I mean don't wear your heart on your sleeve . . If you like a girl let her chase a little once you have gained the foundation a good friendship, It will happen it just takes time.. And be happy in yourself . How you feel about other couples will reflect in your attitude .. Be happy for them, cheer them on, tell your friends your a good catch and life's to short to worry, mrs right will came into your life once she ready. Positive thinking...
...............................
A
male
reader, Htsn47 +, writes (21 September 2012):
 You sound a lot like me. Sometimes the women who are right for you take a little time to realize they are looking in the wrong places. Maybe you are the type of person who gets less attention in your 20s but will be more attractive and desirable as your potential mates become more mature and start thinking about who they want to spend the rest of their lives with. That might not be very comforting right now, but I think it is possible.My advice would be this: you have to be out there to find someone. It doesn't sound like you are a "bad" date, so maybe you just need to create more opportunities to meet people. I went on a lot of dates - through online sites - partly so I'd learn more about what I liked, and so that when the right woman came along, I wouldn't be so nervous. The vast majority of these dates never went beyond the first date, nearly always because the woman wasn't interested.Finally, though, I met someone - and I wasn't even highly interested in her from her description. But we really had a strong click, one thing lead to another, and the rest is history. We just got back from our honeymoon. I didn't change who I was, but I did have to spend more time than I wanted looking. In the end, I think it was worth it.I think it'll work out for you too. Just keep trying and stay positive. My guess is you'll find a girl who will give you a chance and you'll blow her away by being considerate and respectful and she'll wonder why she wasted so much time with jerks.
...............................
A
female
reader, Blissbaby13 +, writes (21 September 2012):
 One thing you need to learn - sex appeal and romantic potential has nothing to do with physical attributes and everything to do with magnetism.You lack nothing in particular. It's just a case of shifting your perspective into realising your own inner beauty - that's the unedited truth. People love a happy person, and this happens comes from feeling complete with yourself. You can't contrive it, and it has to come from a genuine desire to learn to love yourself.I know because it's worked for me. Self-love is the first step to completion in every field, and by this I don't mean arrogance, I mean really valuing yourself. Find your spiritual centre. Learn to love the life you lead without a woman. Take a moment to truly appreciate everything in your life, and just roll your eyes and pity the guys who only desire sex from women.You're so much better than them, and they consequently will never feel complete and whole until they learn to love other people. These 'd-bags' have the self-love part down perfectly, but they don't love OTHERS. When you combine love for the self and love for others, this is when you get that true magnetism. This is what constitutes as that really attractive force some people have, regardless of appearance or personality. You know when people say 'I like them, they just have good vibes' - this is exactly what I mean. It's a delicate thing, but once you have it mastered, all your problems look so insignificant. Life is beautiful is again. Trust me. :)xx
...............................
|
