A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is something I notice a lot, and I find it very insulting. I've always been slim, naturaly slim. I have never dieted or watched my weight and I'm a healthy size 8. It seems that if a slim girl is ever to speak bad of a fat girl, they are given hell, and get labelled anorexic and all the rest of it. Yet fat women can give slim women a bad reputation, sugessting we are too thin, ugly, undesirable. I've never had a problem with bigger women, I personaly think all our different sizes and shapes are what makes us beautiful. I've had different women for no reason, tell me I need to put on weight. These women have been rather fat, but label themselves curvy, and suggest that I'm not. Can't slim women be curvy too? I have curves in the right places just like many other slim women do, and I feel I have to raise this point and ask this question as to why is seems to be okay for bigger women to insult slim women but not the other way around?I don't understand why women can't accept themselves for who they are, and I can't understand why women can't accept other women for the way they are. Does anyone feel this way too? Any imput would be appreciated, and please note, I do not have anything against bigger women, this is merely something I've noticed in todays society.
View related questions:
anorexic Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for the great answers, interesting to hear other people's opinions on this
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): I think until you have been on the other side of the arguement (whichever side) you cannot fully understand the motives of an action.
On the one hand there are larger women who do get abuse in the street, they get sniggered at, laughed at, teased and rejected by people just because of the way they look.
There are also smaller women who get asked if they have eating disorders, called beanpole etc, but they rarely get the same verbal and emotional abuse that larger women get.
Some skinny women DO look like they have eating disorders. When bone starts to protrude and they look like walking skeletons, it is unhealthy. That is just as bad as someone who is overweight, both are equally bad to the health.
Im no stick, I could do with losing some weight, but I am not massive. I wear a UK size 16 jean, but on top im a 12. You might think thats massive being a size 8, I dont know. I personally have experienced abuse in shops. I have had staff look me up and down and snigger to each other. I have had rude comments about the way I look, and have been humiliated in front of other customers all because I needed to ask for a size 16, rather than a size 8-12 which seems to be the 'accepted' clothes size for normal women.
Have you ever been into a shop and had an assistant laugh in your face, or a group of tiny, skinny girls watch you with a degrading look on their faces as if to say "oh you shouldnt be in here, you shouldnt be wearing the same clothes as ME"?
Yes, it leaves you hurt, bitter and upset. And sometimes it is very difficult not to retaliate.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (11 January 2011):
 You've gotten some excellent answers but I'd still like to add my 50 cents worth.
Skinny, slim, or fat, we're our own worse critic. I believe that both sides receive their fair share of nasty comments, insults, and ridiculing. Naturally thin women are told they look like a bean pole, often asked if they have any eating disorder, or told to go eat a sandwich. Bigger women deal with snide remarks aimed at their size by men and women, embarrassment when they have to go up a size, or when people have to move out of the way to let them through.
I honestly don't believe bigger women are trying to push their weight around and bully skinny women. It's more or less jealousy that they can't seem to control, but that's because they have a hard enough time controlling what they eat. In all reality, (unless it's a thyroid problem) they have the power to change their weight, that's what they fail to realize. With some self discipline, bigger women can turn into that skinny woman they desire to be.
Yes, slim women can have womanly curves as well. No one wants to look like a boy or a 10 year old girl with no curves whatsoever.
Maybe one day women will accept their size and be happy with what they got..If not then maybe they'll stop complaining and take a proactive approach to do something about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): I also had this on my mind I'm glad you posted this question. I think ultimatly it's down to jeleousy or insecurity. I'm also a healthy size 8 I'm slim and curvy and definatly not skinny. Yet numerous times bigger women, strangers or sometimes even my own friends have said to me I need to put on weight and get some meat on my bones. Could you imagine if a slim woman turned to a fat woman and said, you need to lose some weight and get healthy! There would be chaos. Double standards yes, but the world's full of them, pretty sad hey.
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (11 January 2011):
Because we have accepted the standard in our society that the have nots can bash the haves, but not the other way around.
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (11 January 2011):
There's a simple explanation for this:
These days, being fat is camouflaged with many nice euphemisms like "curvy" and "sizes for real women". The reason behind this is because in the commercial world, the fashion industry and Hollywood, being fat is the same as being undesirable and being undesirable is something noone wants to be labelled as.
When people who can't be categorized as "thin" pick on a thin person, they think it's not so bad to do so because that bodyshape is the "right" one according to the industry. We are flooded every day with images of young, skinny people on TV, magazines and fashion shows.
Look online and see how many girls gush over skinny models and celebrities and how much attention that celeb gets from young girls when they lose weight. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen were never more popular when they were rail thin. There are threads online on forums everywhere where girls ask: "how much does she weigh?" --answer: 100 lbs-- "oh I want to look just like her!"
So that's where the double standard comes from.
I guess you're asking this because someone picks on you or a thin girl you know. When that happens, I usually say: "so I take it you consider yourself to be in the position to tell this girl that she's not healthy?"
That usually shuts people up.
...............................
A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (11 January 2011):
OP I know what you mean. I used to work in a clothes shop when I was at uni, and my boss and I were slim and fairly petite. Larger women used to come in and complain that we didn't have all that many clothes in what they called "real womens' sizes", by which they meant bigger sizes (in reality the sizing of the clothes was such that a 12 was really a 14-16 which was meant to be a psychological boost I guess). I never understood why they thought they could claim to be "real women" by which they of course implied that myself and my boss were not. In fact I thought it was extremely rude. However, as everyone else here has said, they were probably just trying to make themselves feel better and were therefore oblivious to anyone else's feelings. Just be grateful for the way you look and realise that you are lucky to be the type of person who doesn't feel the need to put other people down to get your kicks.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (11 January 2011):
 Because, just like it's easier to be fat than healthy, it's easier to be mean than nice. It's easier to pull someone down to your level than to uplift yourself. And all social interactions takes place at the lowest common denominator - that is, the rudest person present dictates the terms of conversation.
This is, sadly, one of those situations where the only way to win is not to play. You can make fun of them back, and catch hell. You can be nice to them, and watch as the ingrates continue to mock you. Or, you can ignore them, say whatever you like without regard to them, and live a better life than them. If they can't be civil, forget 'em.
If you look for it, you can see the exact same thing between many other groups. If you're looking to further uplift yourself, having sympathy for both sides of those situations would be a great place to start.
...............................
A
male
reader, BillyM +, writes (11 January 2011):
 My wife is a big woman, and she never in the time we've been together has made insulting comments to or about thin women.
BUT, on the other hand, she dealt with many of the fat insults aimed at her by thin girls/women as she was growing up because she was big. I'm not saying that it's OK for big women to bash thin women and it's not OK for thin women to bash big women. But walk in their shoes to see what they deal with too.
...............................
A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (11 January 2011):
Like female anonymous said, no one is really okay making fun of another. Its usually done in jealousy. The larger women have most likely felt a lot of ridicule during their younger years (think about how many overweight people are made fun of opposed to skinny people...the numbers are not in their favor) Now that they have a little more confidence in their curves, or at the very least have a little more confidence speaking their mind, they feel its time for revenge.
But its all just hatred; petty hatred of others. It sucks to see, but its the way people work. They enjoy continuing the cycle. They lived a crappy childhood, so instead of wishing everyone else live a better one they feel that others should suffer as they have suffered.
The most we can do to break the cycle is to simply love on others. Ignore their pleas for attention through name calling and back talking and throw a smile in someone else's direction, even if you feel they don't deserve it.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): Chris Rock explains it terribly well.
It is what it is, deal with it.
Flynn 24
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): Personally, I think it is wrong for anyone to say bad things about anyone else. I've never seen a bigger girl make fun of a skinny girl. I've only ever seen them talk about how jealous they are of the skinny girls. I've also seen a lot of skinny girls making fun of bigger girls.
Bigger girls would make fun of skinny girls because of jealousy, and maybe if they feel like it's not good to be skinny, for a little while, they don't have to feel so bad about themselves. Guys makes fun of bigger girls, and call them ugly, both behind their backs, and to their faces, and bigger girls see these guys always being nice to/ liking skinnier girls. Bigger girls think that skinny girls are beautiful, and more desirable than they are, at least most of them do. For them, they lie to skinny girls by calling them these things because they want to be able to lie to themselves. I'm not saying that bigger girls aren't beautiful and desirable, but most of the time, that's the way they feel about themselves.
...............................
A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (11 January 2011):
 If 100 overweight women pick on 1 thin woman, that thinner woman still has an easier life (in terms of health complications, dating opportunities, even employment) than the larger women who get funny looks, whispers behind their backs, rude children, and general embarrassment every day of their lives.
...............................
A
female
reader, xLovetodayx +, writes (11 January 2011):
 Yes, it is a double standard and yes, like all double standards, it does suck. People generally put other people down to feel better about themselves. Women who are bigger tend to be more insecure, so their weight is probably already a touchy subject. Honestly though, it's not any more appropriate for someone to make a comment about your weight. Especially when, at a size eight, you probably are and appear perfectly healthy.
...............................
|
