A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HiI cant orgasim anymore..or not as much as I used to.When my boyfriend and I first started going out I used to have 3-5 orgasims while having sex. Then it changed and it is harder to orgasim and sometimes I have one or none at all..I was taking the pill and during that time it decreased. now that i have changed my contriception to implanon it has become even harder and I am not orgasiming during sex anymore.I freak out that I cant orgasim and I think too much about trying to orgasim..I also get a little upset because I want him to do more things to me..but I dont want to pressure him ither.Could this be a reason? and because i Freak out?Thanks for your help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for all your help.
We worked things out, he hasn't eaten me out yet but I understand that its new for him and I am willing to wait till he feels ready to do it and I have started to have orgasims.
We needed more romance not just rushing into it and being quiet and everything because of people around.
So things are all good now
Thanks again for your help and for listening to me.
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (13 September 2009):
 I see. Well then here's some suggestions.
You need to be in a very calm and relaxed set of circumstances. I don't know why you can't breathe and be a little noisy. I'm guessing maybe there's others around and you don't want them to hear you two.
But anyway, you want a relaxed environment so that you can get to the arousal stage and then move it along towards building up to the climax.
I would suggest that he find a way to get used to giving you oral sex in a way that's easier. I can understand how you can't breath because if you're down there, using your tongue, your mouth is busy and your nose is pressing up against the mound.
The solution for this is that he needs only use the very tip of his tongue near and around the clitoris. You're going to have to point out which spot is the most sensitive and responsive.
This way he can back off far enough to breath and do the trick for you.
Oral is actually very easy if you start very slow and gentle, and work your way up to the climax.
But in order to avoid the cramping and such, maybe take a shower or a bath beforehand, and take it very easy to the buildup.
The other thing is that you need to avoid bringing the fights, words and negativity into lovemaking. If you're going to do this and really have some joy from it, you need to keep all that stuff out.
One way to do this is try and tell a few funny jokes to each other and loosen up to get all of that negative stuff out, or in lieu of jokes, maybe talk about some pleasant memories.
The whole point of this kind of intimacy is making a complete emotional connection, a physical connection and a sexual connection. The more you two get into it, and adjust yourselves, the more fun it gets.
That's what makes it so special.
If you still have a hard time getting that special spot over the top, can I suggest using a small vibrator or a vibrating egg on the special spot, once you're worked up. You're going to have to buy different kinds. But I would suggest the ones that use the 9v battery. They last longer between battery changes. You can use it on all of the cramp spots too, so its not just a sex toy.
Tell him that experimentation is half the fun, and all you two need to do is take your time and explore together. Once you find different things that do the trick, then you can keep going and enjoy yourselves.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy boyfriend and I do foreplay. He kisses me everywhere and all that stuff..We go slow and everything but everytime i get to the point when Im about to I get tired or a cramp or he's on top and I'm moving around to much so I stop. We don't always have much time alone, so if its at night i have to be really quiet i cant even breathe to loud, and the bed will make noise so I cant move as much.
Would theses be a reason aswell?
I also get upset because we have been together for over a year and were engaged and I when we started going out I had only givin oral sex a few times and I wasnt very good but I learnt what he liked and now i do it all the time to him but I havent had it in return because he hasn't done it that many times and everything...
I have asked him to do it but i dnt want to be pressuring him and I know if he says maybe it means he wont. It upset me but i dont want to tell him. He has tryed twice I think but he stopped, and the second time he stopped cause he couldnt breathe, I know he hasnt done it much and knowing he has done it to other people for even a second still upsets me.
We dont have alot of fights but when we do they upset me and I dont always forget what we say during the argument straight away.If he/i say something horrible things in the fight and we make up and have sex I'm still remembering things he says or I said.
I sometimes have a self confidence issue and because our fights often are about some stupid thing i do I get really upset and feel like i always do things wrong and i put myself down.. he says he does stuff wrong but i never say when he does and when other girls are around I get over protective and insecure. At the point I need him to say something nice but i dont think he notices and he shouldnt have to reasure me all the time.
Could theses be a reason?
Thanks for listening and helping : )
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (12 September 2009):
Some of this may be due to the birth control method you're using. But some of it is also a matter of arousal.Women have different kinds of orgasmic reactions and it takes more time and patience sometimes under different circumstances.Now the important thing to remember is that orgasm follows arousal. Arousal is something that starts in the brain and not in the sex organs. So its key to begin everything under the right circumstances. He has to turn you on emotionally and sexually, before you even get naked. And even then he needs to learn to take his time with you and lavish you a bit. Remember, the most satisfying reward here is the emotional connection too. If you two feel connected, if you know he's making love with you, the arousal can go from that to hyper-arousal.Let me suggest this. When you and your boyfriend are getting physically intimate, why not start slow? Have him kiss you all over your body, just lavish you everywhere. The skin is a very sensitive sex organ in and of itself when a woman's aroused and there's plenty of little spots you can lead him to, to satisfy those little urges.There's an old song about a woman who's looking for a man with a slow hand and a golden touch. And that's closer to the truth. He has to be able to hold you and get you aroused so that you're ready for the next steps, such as foreplay and then of course whatever else you think would help.The other thing is that you want to try new things. He has to at least make an effort to do that for you. After all, you're sharing each others' bodies together. Trying new things is part of the process of maturing in a relationship.When you do that, you get to explore and discover together and that leads to some very gratifying sex.Its all a matter of being close.I always tell people if you want it to be really good, set aside at least 3 or 4 hours so that you have plenty of time to be close and happy together. Even if you don't get that big orgasm this time, you still will have spent several hours being together and extremely intimate.
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