A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm suffering from extreme jealousy.My boyfriend has a lot of female friends, who he knew before me. He's also been single for seven years.My main issue is his ex-girlfriend. She lives in the US, while my bf and I live in the UK. The two of them chatted online, and met once for a period of 6 weeks. Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 4 months.The two of them are close friends, and it unsettles me seeing as she's sent him emails while he and I have been going out saying things along the lines of "I listened to a certain band the other day and thought of you, lots of love."I can't just switch off this feeling of jealousy. She's clearly in no position to re-initiate this "relationship", so why is she still so keen, despite my presence?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MissB23 +, writes (16 July 2008):
I know how you feel,although with me it's different.I like someone who says he likes me,and he cant get over his ex who he broke up with last year,who he was with for eight years.We werent exactly in a relationship,but we have flirted,kissed,chatted alot on the phone and msn e.t.c.At the moment i'm upset as i dont know where i stand with him.I havent spoke to him for a while,as he said he was mixed up and angry but wouldnt say why,but i didnt know till quite recently that he still sees his ex.He told me he kept it from me at first.I havent asked him how long they have been back in contact or why they are.He could be depressed over her,or both of us,because he doesnt know what he wants.I'm not sure whether i should carry on speaking to him or not.I'm not sure who contacted who,i'm guessing he contacted her,but why did she have to agree to meet up with him again ?.What gets to me is she moved on quickly after they broke up,she moved in with someone else soon after,i'm not sure if she still lives with that person.I feel like i'm second best compared to her,where if someone genuinely likes you,they would put you first.He had said before that he wanted a relationship with me,but now he is saying he wants me to give him time.The thing is,i cant wait forever.Even if he aaid they are only friends how would i know if he is telling the truth ?.I'm sorry you are going through this too.I know how awful it feels.I was even comparing myself to her.I havent met her,but have seen photos.At the moment i am just trying to keep myself busy while i decide what i want to do too.Does your boyfriend know how you feel about this and if he does,what has he said about it ?.If he doesnt,i suggest you talk to him about it and decide whether or not you still want to be with him.It depends if you can trust him .I hope you are able to sort this out,and i wish you all the best no matter what happens.Good luck.
A
female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 Is she aware of your presense?
Although I understand why you feel jealous, to me it sounds that she's leaning more to the "friend" side than the "persuit of relationship" side. My reason is because I have sent emails like to some of my friends, minus the signature words (I say "Lots of hugs").
If she has sent other emails that actually show that she wants to be with your boyfriend, then talk to him about it. Tell him it bothers you that they talk that way and that you wish him to lower his affection in his emails and ask him to tell her the same.
Now if he has shown you what he tells him or he has told you that, I don't think you should worry much. Since he's telling you he has proven that there's nothing to hide and that he trusts you. Learn to trust your man.
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