A
female
age
41-50,
*ewlstep4174
writes:I have been seeing this guy for the last 2 and a half years on strictly a friends with benefits situation. Well he lived with me for around 3 months and the more I got to know him and we got along so good and he made me laugh and we just really had fun together and I fell in love with him. Well I told him I was in love with him in November and he responds , he doesnt want any kind of relationship and he will never fall in love with anyone , he never will. So even though I was hurt , I still got together with him, he would come over and we would hook up , he would leave not spend the night , and I would get mad text him telling him and he would ignore me then come over a week later. Then finally we had a talk and he told me he would never be in a relationship , we would never be together and he said lets just stay friends that it and not have sex. I told him I could do that and we should stop talking and I need to just walk away. so I didnt talk to him for about a month in a half and he just shows up out of the blue. why is he coming around knowing how i feel and i still love him so much i dnt have the strength to turn him away. why is he doing this to me he can have sex w anyone why me when he doesnt care about me??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2012): Oh you are not listening and still doing the same thing! He will get in to your pants again and will leave and prepare himself with another trick for the next round! At this point I should tell, you will get what you deserve because some people learn but in a hard way!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 May 2012):
 "He was in a jam and asked me if he could stay with me a little while ". Translation : he has been mooching off you for the past 3 weeks with no intention to stop and no intention to pay you rent ?
Please tell me that I am wrong.
Anyway , how long is this little while supposed to last ?
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A
female
reader, jewlstep4174 +, writes (11 May 2012):
jewlstep4174 is verified as being by the original poster of the question So ugh ugh ugh people, major setback. My fwb is now living with me so he was upgraded to a rwb, roommate. He got me at a weak moment, he was in a jam and asked if he could stay with me a little while. I said yes and he has been with me 3 weeks now. We get along things are great, it just is hard for me cause I still have these feelings. he wants to sleep next to me some nights , lie in each others arms. I give him back massage and I just am in love with him and I know he feels nothing for me and still hes back in my home . I think there is something seriously wrong with me to keep allowing this. Its been over 2 years. its just hard to accept. I'm afraid to talk about it with him, dont want to say a word. cause we do get along so so good . we talk for hours, laugh and talk again and he listens to me. I just dont get it. Why cant I tell him to go screw, why am I letting him to this over and over to me when I know the outcome will never be what I want. Why am I wasting my time .
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A
female
reader, shellycg  +, writes (10 April 2012):
 Hi there , some men think they have the right to mess us around, I wouldnt take it personally , I think you may fit some of his subcontious criteria but not all , thats why he cannot commit to you properly, is it the person you are missing or the emotions, (i have to ask myself this question alot at the moment) and sex is a very powerful thing, you keep telling him no dont contact him and stick to the no contact rule and if he really wants to be with you in a committed relationship he will contact you and want to talk and also you will feel better knowing you arnt calling or texting him ... think about what you really want ...x
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A
female
reader, jewlstep4174 +, writes (10 April 2012):
jewlstep4174 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to send a thank you to those who responded to this situation of mine, and I appreciate your advice and input and you gave me a lot to think about and I really do want to end this vicious cycle of madness, cause thats what this is. My ex had called me today and asked me to come and spend the night, I told him NO and I am going to try to keep saying no, as much as its gonna hurt, I have to do this for my sanity!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 April 2012):
 Ther is no future for a relationship with you since he gets what he wants from you, sex, anyways.
Because you have now developed emotions for him, your best bet is to stop seeing him, stop having sex, basically no-contact with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): "The guy is such an ass but I let him so do I even have the right to complain when I do it to myself?"
I think you know the answer but I'm not going to put you down even further because it's time you stopped beating yourself up for this OP. It's okay to be angry but it has be channelled right and used productively. No point in letting him in then giving yourself hell for that. Use your anger productively. Use it to get an app for phone that blocks his and his brothers number. Block them on Facebook, block their email addresses. Get a box and grab everything they ever gave you or remind's you of them and throw that all into it. Bring it down to a charity centre tomorrow and let them do some good with that stuff.
He calls to your door ignore it, you see them on the street walk across the road. Neither deserve your time, your emotions nor your body anymore so just cut off all means of contact with them.
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A
female
reader, jewlstep4174 +, writes (7 April 2012):
jewlstep4174 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou all are right I know this and I do deserve better. I know I do but yet I'm caught in this twisted messed up situation. I need to let these assholes go and tell them I'm over it . Enough is enough and tell them to f off. I'm better off alone and not waste my life on this guy that could care less if I stop talking to him or not. If I say anything and get mad , he ignores it and says I'm having a bipolar moment. I'm in absolute hell but I am gonna try to change it and I'm fine for a while and then he just shows up almost every couple months. The guy is such an ass but I let him so do I even have the right to complain when I do it to myself?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): Unfortunately OP until the day comes you decide to tell both these assholes to piss off then you're still going to be on this hellish rollercoaster of emotional torment.
You're not stupid OP, you do know what's going on I think you also know that you're the one who is losing out the most in all this.
You have to understand OP that beating yourself up over this is not going to do any good but it's also something you shouldn't let yourself get away with either.
Just keep working towards to your life goals, losing weight, feeling good, working, hanging out with your real friends and spending your time doing fun things with good people. Do this OP and you'll get to the point in your life where you have no room, no time and no desire to play these games anymore, so just keep moving towards that.
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A
female
reader, jewlstep4174 +, writes (7 April 2012):
jewlstep4174 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm hearing all this advice and when I am writing this down reading these responses . You all are right. I'm 38 how the hell did I get so stupid so insecure so damn messed up in the head.
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A
female
reader, jewlstep4174 +, writes (7 April 2012):
jewlstep4174 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCerberus I know your right and yeah when u say it like that its true. I'm not a fool and I do get angry after he leaves and feel like shit but by the time he comes over again I'm over it and he's got me again. I know when he told me he will never love anyone it was bullshit and I know he was saying it to me but whatever. There is way more to this whole thing than I mentioned . First I was dating his brother for 3 years. I started with him a year into my relationship with his brother and even though we took huge breaks and only hooked up when me and his brother weren't together. He doesn't want a relationship w me cause he doesn't want his brother to know. I still see his brother and we would hang out the three of us. But ever since I told him my feelings I told him he had to back off. So when i get pissed I just call up my ex and have him come over. Its seems like every time I have my ex here. His brother hears about it and calls me then plays the . Oh I called you but I don't think I had the right number. I'm just a stupid dumb ass that are letting these brothers screw with my head and I give them what they want and they have no respect for me whatsoever even though they don't have any clue I'm doing both of them and don't feel bad for it. My ex is an evil man and if I can get back at him by having sex w his brother. I will. And I did fine for 2 years didn.'t have any feelings at all for him and now I do and this whole plan backfired on me and now I fell in love with two men and I'm letting them destroy my life. I made the decision which brother I wanted to be with and he tells me we will never be together. The only thing that makes me feel better is I saw him and he's gained like 20lbs and looks like shit. I'm losing weight and feeling good. I know I'm gonna have the strength to tell theses guys to go screw someone else soon. Today just isn't that day
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): First off let's make something clear this- "he doesnt want any kind of relationship and he will never fall in love with anyone" means this- "he doesnt want a relationship with you and he will never fall in love with you."
"why is he doing this to me he can have sex w anyone why me when he doesnt care about me??"
Why wouldn't he when he knows your legs are always open for him? I would. You're a grown woman, you can make your own choices and I wouldn't for a second feel bad if I were him because you know the deal and it's up to you to protect yourself. Not him. Sorry OP but you don't get to cry and moan about him doing anything because it's all you, he's just taking the easy-lay you provide, he's not getting hurt, his conscience is clear because he was very clear with you that you will never, ever have him in the way that you want so knowing you know that makes it perfectly okay for him to come over and bone you because you're the one who has to protect yourself. You see you can say no, you can stop him but you don't want to, well then OP who is responsible for you getting hurt then? Because it's certainly not him. He doesn't even respect you as a friend, you're just an easy piece of ass for him to bone.
Why is coming around? Easy, guaranteed, carefree sex with a girl who can't say no. Why would he stop that? You're vagina is more than his hand basically.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (7 April 2012):
Because he follows the path of least resistence. He can't exactly have sex with any woman he wants. With most women, he'd have to sweat it at little : pursue them, charm them, court them, even offer a relationship and monogamy.
With you, it's so simple and easy, all it takes it's showing up according to his whims, he knows that you don't have the strength for turning him away, so he gets what he wants when he wants, no strings attached. What's more convenient than that ?, I am not surprised it suits him beautifully.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): He is doing this because he doesnt care about you at all. Sorry if that hurts but its true, he just goes to you cause he is horny and perhapes cant get it anywhere else. If he did care about you even as a friend he wouldve responded to you after he left, or atleast talked to you before he just shows up for the hook up.
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