A
female
age
30-35,
*kylar1
writes:Well i have this problem is my boyfriend. it seems like everything he does he always under sales himself, he told me he cant draw, yet he could draw me and my family perfectly. he said he cant fight but hes a 1st degree black belt. and he said that he cant play the guitar yet i came over his house to surprise him with a visit and i heard outside his room him playing and it was amamzing. everything people ask him, he always seems to say that he cant do it and usually its things he can do very well. but dont think hes some cocky guy no, he is very under spoken and quiet, but yet very romantic. i think all this is because he is afraid to make mistakes? i really feel sorry for him because he has potential yet he doesnt want to show it. i have asked him about this allot, and he usually says something like "i just like to be alone" or "i dont like to attract attention to myself" and the rare one which i think is true "im just not good enough yet... what ever you can do theres always someone out there who can do it better" i just want to now why he does this, and i know its not self-esteem problems because hes a pretty regular person and can walk up to people and talk to them normally, its just about the things that he can do (his abilities) that he under-sales himself on. hes just way too hard on himself can you help me? PS: he did tell me when he was younger he was molested by 3 of his family members, and me moves around alot (state to state), i dont know if that helps but im giving as much info as possible Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Eh, i wonder does he have any siblings?
I know my wife feels kind of the same way about me. I grew up in a family of high achievers. My older sister was always number 1 academically at everything. She was popular, she was smart, and eventually she went to medical school and is now a doctor.
My younger sister shared many similar traits.
Both were highly opinionated, strong-willed people who are very very successful. They also have giant egos.
Then there was me. By default, i became "the dumb one" in the family. Never as good as either of my sisters, never as popular, never as smart. I became quite quiet and reserved. I found happiness when i was alone. I never really craved the spotlight because one of my sisters was always better then me, ya know?
As I got further along in school, and started working, of course in any place where my sisters weren't, i became the best. I constantly got told "that's incredible!" or "that's amazing!" in anything that i did.
And all i ever think to myself is "eh, it's not so great. You should see my sisters."
In the back of my mind i can never allow myself to feel like i am really GOOD because, in the back of my mind, i always compare myself to the rest of my family and know that i come up short. The real truth is there IS always someone who is better, know what i mean? My 2 sisters.
Does that make sense?
Like i say, i know it drives my wife nuts.
Maybe he has a comparable experience in his life?
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