A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was introduced to this guy but I didn't find him attractive so I told him I wasn't interested. He persuaded me for 2yrs and I agreed to get to know him, I began to like him my friends and my mum thought he's a nice guy and I should give him a shot. He was romantic and caring, we'd go on dates etc. Took me to see his family. Everyone liked me. I'd tell him what clothes and colours looks good on him. I supported him with his personal and hygiene care. Which wasn't great. We were together for 1 and half yrs. I fell in love with him.then he changed he'd get irritated with me won't speak to me as much. and would end things everytime we'd argue and he'd come and beg for me back. Twice this happened. I was a bit hesitant with everything cause he wasn't sweet and caring anymore although he'd fix whatever I tell him I'm upset about. He came to see my family and we were planning for our wedding. On his birthday he got Angry with me and refused to accept my gifts for him. He told me he's done and I found out he has been sexting and requesting for nude pics from this girl all the time we were together and he didn't even apologise when I told him he said he's had enough of the relationship. I wasn't listening to him, he needed to settle down and he was In a CAGE and needed freedom to love me and if is from God it will stand.He never listened to my advice or opinions. Is whatever he says that goes. Why is he so cruel? I was caring, loving, the sweeter gf. Sex was hot. I go to the gym to keep my body hot. A good girl. What do men want? How can he want to settle down when he was doing that behind my back? What does he mean he was in a cage? How do I move on from this? My heart is shattered. Girls have you been there? Share your stories please. I don't want to speak to him. I'm in pieces here.????HUGSxx
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 May 2017):
 Have you wrote about this guy before? Honestly he is not worth you worrying about. Am afraid it seems he only cares about himself and what he wants. He felt trapped for whatever reason with you, and he turned nasty obviously because he is not a nice person and was not serious about you. This is not your fault but you do need to steer clear from him. He is bad news and you are better away from him. Be the bigger person walk away from him, block any contact details and start mending your heart.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2017): I am very sorry you are hurting. I have been there and I made the error of taking my ex back a couple of times, thinking everyone deserves a 2nd chance and hoping things will get better, they did for a short time and then my ex went back to being who he is, mean and selfish. What happens in your relationship is not your fault. You did nothing wrong; first you were not interested but he persued you and you were smitten. This happens all the time. He didn't deserve you and he didn't appreciate your love and your care. Some men have low self-esteem and they would do everything possible at the beginning of the relationship to get what they want and to prove to themselves that they are irresistible. It's up to you, only you can decide to stop all contact with this guy or to keep taking him back. But if I were you, I would break all ties. Good luck and all the best wishes
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 May 2017):
 OP, why do you presume it's YOUR fault that he is how he is?
YOU didn't MAKE him treat you like crap, you didn't MAKE him break up every time things got rough.
YOU need to listen to your own INSTINCTS. The FIRST instinct you had of him was "I'm NOT interested" YOU should have stuck with that and never dated him - hot sex or not. Yet, you IGNORED what your BRAIN told you and dated him anyway. Spending a year and a half trying to MOLD him into how you want him to look, to BE hygienic and a good BF - the thing is... THAT is not how life works. You DATED him for his potential, now for WHO he is.
BE glad it's OVER - it obviously didn't work. Someone who BREAKS up with their partner when things get tough is NOT going to make a good husband, can you imagine?
As for keeping fit, good - DO it for you - not for a man. You keeping fit and "sexy" doesn't mean a guy OWES you his devotion or to treat you better than others.
Wish him well and STOP talking to him. BLOCK him. If he shows up at your house, tell him to go away - or better don't open the door. DO NOT let him sucker you into dating him again, don't GO there again. IT DIDN'T work.
And THANK your lucky STAR you didn't MARRY this guy. It would have been a disaster. FOR both of you.
He is not ready for marriage (or a serious relationship) he simply isn't mature enough, might never be.
And YOU... Dear OP. You need to grow a set and PUT yourself first now and then. Not have others tell you who to date. SET yourself some STANDARDS of what you want from a guy and a relationship and DO NOT accept less.
Don't BEND over backwards for a man. It doesn't make a guy LOVE you more or treat you better. Be kind to others and BE kind to yourself.
KEEP busy with friends, family, and hobbies and ACCEPT he wasn't the one for you. Don't date till he is out of your system.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2017): Same ol tune but different identities!Some guys play the sad violin to get you interested because they want what they want.You were his conquest!You were a target he needed to hit to feel better about himself!And he persued you so forcefully that you took a devoted interest!Not only that he wooed your mom with honeyed words and mr nice guy actions!But the truth is he was playing the part of mr nice guy!Working his way up in the world as it were!Fantastically enough you have been given the opportunity to see that all is not what he made it out to be!He wants to have his cake and eat it.Realistically he is back pedalling because he cant afford the wedding and he doesnt love you but loves himself!The cage he claims you keep him in is that you would restrict some of his favourite moves. Such as the porn that makes him feel good!The women he flirts with and has his one night stands with!Dont drop a penny or cent of money on him.Dont worry about mom either as she will go off him fast as this is not what she wants for a son in law and father of her future grandchildren!Harsh but true!While you are confused and muddled he will be busy making his next moves, enjoying a bit of porn, spending on himself and sending sexy texts to anyone who has a spare body part on offer for a bit of casual sex!But then when he deems you have suffered enough without wonderful him around he will be back with his violins asking if you have been faithful etc!Society allows a double standard between men and women which makes it very easy for this type of guy to manoevre!Men who get sex here there and on the side are seen as conquorers!Women who do the same are sluts and whores!A good woman puts up with all the mans wanton ways. She doesnt jump straight into bed with someone new but waits a seemly six months of celibacy until she meets someone else which allows plenty of time for these guys to swagger and create new diversions!Then they come back to check on your celibacy status!Its not really anything to do with your behaviour but with his own tangled early development and preffered attitudes!In short he will never be any other way!He sees himself as fire capable of bending any steel.You are just another bit of metal to him!Seek everyone elses advice but I would say cut your losses while you can.Drop him off, wave goodbye and look for a more sincere kind of man because this guy is cyclical!He will do this kind of thing again and again!IF YOU LET HIM.The choice is yours but dont assses your actions towards him up to now.Just make a new life plan and tell him Adios Amigos!Say very firmly "You could never be my husband because I intend my husband to actually know what love is and you clearly dont and most probably never will!If you want more of the same then say " Poor you having to put up with little ol me..there , there , hush your fevered brow , I will always be there for you because You Da Man!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 May 2017):
 Oh sweetheart. Sending big hugs. It is so hard but, I promise, you will get over this and you will move on and find someone who is actually RIGHT for you and, when you do, you will understand why it didn't work out with this guy and you will be grateful.
There sounds to be too much going on here for me to even start hazarding guesses at what the MAIN issue was (there sound to have been multiple areas of discord and, from your post, your ex sounds to have had various issues). I am also slightly puzzled by the fact that, on the one hand you write "I'd tell him what clothes and colours looks good on him. I supported him with his personal and hygiene care. Which wasn't great" but then you say "He never listened to my advice or opinions". On the one hand you seemed to be mothering him and he seemed to be looking to you to guide him in everything, on the other hand you say he never listened to you. Can you understand why I am confused?
MY question to YOU would be why you felt you deserved to be treated in this way? You know you deserve to be treated well and with respect. Never settle for anything less.
You are into keeping fit so why not take your mind off your current pain by training for something? A marathon perhaps or a triathlon? Something you can focus on and a goal to aim for.
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