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Why is he saying these hateful and hurtful things about me?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 September 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 26 September 2010)
A female United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

Hey all, well this is my problem. My now ex, who I was with for 9 months, suddenly dumped me out of the blue, gave me no reason (not a real reason anyway - something like Im not ready to be committed) - then 2 weeks later has a new girlfriend, is being a complete pig to me and saying vile things about me to his friends who have come back and told me. The most humiliating thing is hes told all his friends that Im crap in bed, have a vagina that resembles a kebab and a hygiene problem. There Ive said it! Im crying while I write this. I just dont know what Ive done.

When he finished with me, I was really dignified about it. I cried obviously, but then picked myself up and carried on. I didnt contact him at all even though my heart felt like it was breaking. Then when his 'friends' told me what he had said about me I was gutted. The things he'd said were so awful anyone would think I was the one that had finished with him. I tried not to let it get to me but then yesterday when I was in town I walked past him and couldnt believe that he was hand in hand with another girl. He gave me a filthy look then grabbed his girlfriend and kissed her in front of me. I carried on walking but then later burst in to tears. I checked his facebook but then realised he had deleted me. So I sent him a text asking him what hes playing at but he replied saying not to contact him again.

I am in bits. My life has just turned upside down. I know our relationship wasnt particularly long, but I was absolutely head over heels for him. We had even talked about marriage and moving in together in December. Not only am I heartbroken but Im also embaressed about what hes saying about me and personal stuff. I just want to hide in my bed all day and I cant eat or sleep at the moment.

View related questions: facebook, heartbroken, text, vagina

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A female reader, angel_of_luv United Kingdom +, writes (26 September 2010):

angel_of_luv agony auntFirstly, I'd like to say what a horrible, horrible person this man is to say such awful hurtful things about you.

I think you have had a lucky escape darling, if this man is saying what you have said he is saying about you.

I am also really sorry to say this, but it sounds as though he has been seeing this lady for a while if he has suddenly dumped you and then 2 weeks later you see him hand in hand with another woman.

To be honest, he seems a pathetic waste of space of a man, you can do better than him. If that was me, I would cry out all the hurt and pain and move on and meet someone new as you seem like a very nice lady, so don't let him pull you down. He is probably being nasty to show off infront of his mates, which is utterly pathetic saying those awful things he said as he thinks it makes him look big when really he is a waste of space.

I know it may not seem like it now, but you will get through it, I went through a similar situation, I was with someone for a while and he pulled me down by playing mind games and trying to control me and he broke my heart.

I know what I went through is nothing compared to what has happened to yourself, but just saying I understand how you feel hence the hurt and pain you are going through.

I turned to drink to cure my pain as I had my heart ripped out and broken. And one day I thought, why am I doing this, I have done nothing.

Same as you, you have done nothing wrong my lovely, except give someone your heart and your love and he has taken advantage of that, I am trying to say do not blame yourself he is the one with the problem.

it will take time but time will heal the wounds.

Look after yourself and I hope I have in some way tried to help you. You will be fine, I promise you.

Forget him, and move on, nurse your broken heart and meet someone nice :-)

Take care xxxx

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (26 September 2010):

aunt honesty agony auntYou poor girl, this guy just sounds horrible and really immature. This is bullying and really i no its not that easy but you have to try and not think about him, this will eventually die down, he is trying to hurt you and its really unfair. He will eventually stop talking about you and things will die down. Dont let him get to you, he is not worth anything if he is going to treat you like this and you deserve much better, dont let him bring you down darling.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010):

My god you talk alot, the guy is probably a nutter, you're better off, it's gonna hurt for a while but you'll get over it. Also, fight fire with fire tell everyone how small he is but that it wasn't an issue because he never lasted long anyway unless you dressed up like a child and called him mommy.

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A female reader, LiveAnnLearn Serbia +, writes (26 September 2010):

LiveAnnLearn agony auntI can imagine how you're feeling, what you're going through really sounds terrible. My 1st guess would be this is your ex's weird way of getting back at you for something - is there anything you can think of that you did which made him act so angry and revengeful? No matter what it was what he's doing is just plain wrong and you HAVE to be strong and move on. I know that's easier said than done but it's just the only thing you can do. Personally I would do my best to make him feel exactly the way I do (spread some personal secrets of his or lies about him around, think of where it hurts the most and hit him there etc.) but you don't seem to be in the mood for that so just try to isolate yourself from him and move on. Even his friends are obviously taking your side, judging by the fact that they told you what he was saying behind his back. Please don't blame yourself for what's happening, it's clear that he's the one with a problem and no sane and mature adult individual would disrespect their ex gf like that. Once again, consider finding a way to get even - he's just acting like such a motherf***** I'd be thrilled to know he felt the taste of his own medicine;) Best of luck.

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