A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is 22. Unmotivated, lacks any discipline and has absolutely no direction in life. My boyfriend has four crazy sisters. His mother and sister never finished high school. That same sister will have two kids before the age of twenty-one. One is a stripper with two kids of her own. And the other two are actually pretty stable and motivated. Let me just say that I'm no angel myself and the only reason I'm where I'm at is because I have such a loving supportive family. Everyone in my family is a college graduate except for one aunt. We're a family of teachers and military members. We can be judgmental and distant and cold. Also depression is in my immediate family.Any who i say all of this because our personalities are similar to our families. His mother spoiled him and never taught him anything beneficial. Never made him eat his veggies or wash a dish. His father never made him into a man. He was raised by four crazy females. While me on the other hand was making dinner and washing my own clothes at age 9(my mom raised 3 kids alone)He doesn't want to get a better job(works in fast food) go to school or even take care of car. He has lived on the same street since birth and currently lives with his grandmother rent free. He constantly complains that his life sucks but does nothing about it. He enrolled in school when we first met but has since then dropped out and has no plans to go back. Basically I'm at my wits end with him. I cant imagine myself actually having a future, starting a family with this guy. When i see our future i see me cooking cleaning working raising kids while he sits on his ass and complains all our lives. But we've been together for over a year and honestly other then this i have no real complaints. He is a very sweet(kind of a wimp) a gentleman, treats me and my family with respect and is always bending over backwards to make me happy. My question is when will he grow up if ever?? When will he be a man and not a little boy?? How can i get him motivated?? Am i beating a dead horse here??Therapy is out of the question for either of us because he has no health insurance and I'm a broke college student.
View related questions:
grandmother, military, stripper Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, WhateverMovesThee +, writes (26 September 2010):
 What he needs is a kick. Most people don't grow up unless they have to. Thats why you hear of people saying they grew up when they lost a parent, had a child, or other big event. Have you told him how you feel? Have you told him how much he makes you happy and yet, how it hurts to see how he doesn't realize his potential? The risk of losing you could just snap him to work harder for something. Working fast food isn't going to support both of you, much less a child if one comes along. While living at his grandmother's, he should be studying a trade and saving the money he makes for his future. If he loves you, the thought of losing you will be a powerful motivation. Tell him you want a future with him but no matter how you love him, it wouldn't be realistic to start something like a family without him trying harder. Tell him to do this not just for you but for himself. You don't want him to be unhappy no matter what happens. It will take some deep thought and effort on his part but he sounds like a good guy.
A
female
reader, RennieGeek +, writes (26 September 2010):
You are beating a dead horse. You will never change from your habits just as much as I doubt he will change his. If you can't see yourself with him in the future, as young as you are, I wouldn't prolong the pain that you may cause him.
...............................
|
