A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Me and my girlfriend have been together for nearly two years, it was a whirlwind romance, we moved in together quickly, we are engaged and I really do love her with all of my heart.She used to work with a guy who before we even started going out with each other tried to sabotage things and make out that I didn't like her. This guy has always had a massive crush on my girlfriend, he declared his undying love for her, he used to buy her gifts and things like that all the time. She has just quit her old job but she still talks to him fairly often, every other night, even when we get a rare chance to have a night alone together as she has a daughter (nearly 5 years old, from a previous relationship) she will sit texting him, I've seen the texts and I can't help but feel that she talks to him the way she used to talk to me when we were flirting and first started going out together. I feel silly because it's little things that really upset me like she will send more kisses in a text to him than me, I don't think there is anything going on between them, I trust her but I can't help but get upset about it, I feel sometimes like she talks to him more than me, that she cares about him more than me, I have spoken to her about this and she just gets angry with me and says that I'm trying to make her choose between me and her best friend. I have told her because I will stop myself from going to sleep at night because I have nightmares about her leaving me for him, I sit at night and cry because of how it makes me feel, I can't go on like this anymore but I really love her, I can't speak to any of my friends because they just agree with me, and if I spoke to her parents who I am close to they would side with their daughter. Please, tell me that I'm just being paranoid and I need to get over myself, I don't want to lose her but sometimes I feel like that's the only way that anything will get better for me as I know she won't stop talking to him.Thank you.
View related questions:
best friend, crush, engaged, flirt, moved in, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (14 December 2014):
Look, there is a chance that nothing is going on now or ever will. There's also a chance that she just really likes him as a platonic friend.
But, a FACT is that she is doing something that hurts you and she doesn't care because she thinks you're wrong and have no reason to be bothered.
I have have women friends but I knew that if I was contacting them too much or when I was spending time with my wife that she would be hurt, so I never did it. I also knew that that kind of a thing can lead to more if you don't set boundaries.
I think that's the real issue, that she doesn't seem to care if this hurts you.
Maybe you should try compromising with her. When she is with you, texts should be kept to a minimum, "I can't talk right now, I'm hanging out with my bf." Talk about the other issues that bother you and see if you can't find a compromise.
I do believe that you should not try to stop them from seeing each other as they very well could just be friends. There's no evidence of cheating. But you can't just wish away your feelings, so you need a compromise or you need someone who won't do this to you.
|
