A
female
age
30-35,
*overnotafighter
writes:I've been with a guy since February 2012. We went to college together but he dropped out as his course was too much for him, he visited me regularly during the college year and over the summer he was the best boyfriend I could have, we were just like best friends telling everything, no secrets. He's the first person that I ever I truly loved and trusted with a lot of my secrets, and he was the same, it was the perfect relationship.In January I went back to college and he didn't. After one of his visits to me, the next morning after he stayed with me he told me I'd been "replaced", and continued to tell me about how he had met the "perfect girl, but he still loves me and would be hurt if he saw me with someone else".We still talk, not as regularly but it's like he is being mean to me just to make me hurt.Every time we talk my heartbreaks a little more when he tells me he still loves me, yet can be so mean telling me how amazing this other girl is.what do I do? I still love him, but I don't know how to take this anymore, its crushing me. His friends say he talks about me the whole time and how he messed things up and is just using the other girl, when in fact we had never broken up when he met her first, it just came out of the blue one day. I just don't know what to do or think anymore, I'm heartbroken and can't trust anyone now. How can I get over this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2013): He's history :)
And really, would you like to keep being involved with someone who threw in the towel in regards to school? Sounds like a quitter to me.
Dead weight my friend.
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (9 March 2013):
 Hi let him go as he need to show you more love an drespect. As long as he has best of both worlds you willfeel second best. He feels he is doing nothing wrong as he has told you about this otehr woman. Time to get some pride and tell him you will not be used and to take a trip to hell because that what he is doing to you - puting you through hell!
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A
female
reader, mercedezj  +, writes (9 March 2013):
He is the definition of player!! Don't give him the satisfaction of being able to manipulate you! The thing about guys is once they figure out your limits (or minimums) they tend not to raise yothe bar. Don't go into a relationship thinking the guys going to change - don't continue this one cause the guy's not going to change. He will never raise you back up to girlfriend status: you're his ego booster now; little more than a puppy for him to drag along. Don't let him or anyone else do this to you!! Stay strong...I'm on my way out of an 18 month old relationship...I'd like to stay with him but if he's not fully in it, giving my 100% isn't going to make up for his lack of effort. You are young there really are so many people around and in time i hope the both of us find someone who gives an equal effort in the relationship! (but don't forget being single is fun too :)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 March 2013):
 Why don't you start by stopping talking to him ? You really don't need to be " friends " with this guy, it is preventing you from moving on, plus , he is such an idiot that you really don't need to count him among your friends.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2013): I agree that inside he feels like he's failed because he couldn't cope with college, but instead of facing that and sorting out his future he is now undermining you because this gives him a warped sense of power - whether he's fully conscious of that or not is unclear, but the point is that, at his age, he should be fully clear about how he is treating you and what his real motives are.The worst case scenario is that he will continue to undermine your self-confidence and this will eventually lead to you leaving college as well to be with him. Scenarios like this happen all the time and quite often because one partner is trying to re-kindle the wonderful feeling of love that they had earlier on. There's a difference between falling in love and the initial blissful feeling of that - which can last for months or in some cases longer - and continued love - actually actively 'loving' someone in the longer term is different - it requires care and nurturing and the ability to grow and share and develop mutual values. The guy in question is not mature enough to go into this more mature mode of loving and he's undermining you much like a kid would have a tantrum to get attention and get what it wants. It's a trap, don't fall into it. I know it must hurt you enormously, but you've done nothing wrong he has just really let you down and not valued what you had together - he can't because he isn't mature and don't, please, fall into the further trap of thinking that you can teach him to be in order to get his love back. It won't work, he will just end up resenting you.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (9 March 2013):
 Have you told him how you feel? Have you gotten angry at him and told him off? Have you stood up for yourself? Don't be afraid to let him know that what he's doing to you is hurting you. And the next time he tells you he loves you, find out if it's as a friend or more.
I'm going to take a wild guess here and say he's being immature and insensitive about all of this, because deep down he feels that he is a failure and you are much better than him...but please don't use this as an excuse to pity him and accept such insensitivity from him. He is being unkind to you. He does not deserve your pity. He deserves your anger.
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A
female
reader, LoveForeverxoxo +, writes (9 March 2013):
this is not right. He found the perfect girl but yet he would be hurt if he seen you with someone? You need to let him go, love. He is playing with you. yes, you may think he loves you but if he truly loved you he wouldnt be saying he found the " perfect girl" This isnt fair to you and you should find a man who will call you his perfect girl. This guy is something else, honesly how could he say that and then try and stay with you? \please leave him now before you get hurt worst then you already are.
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