A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all I need some advice. I recently found out A is coming back from US and visiting my bf whilst I am overseas. I have never met A and I know my bf met her through camp. A is currently studying in US. My bf initially kept it from me but somehow it slipped his mouth that he had plans to go out with her while I was overseas. I do not see anything wrong catching up with friends when they are back from overseas, but I don't know why he is so dodgy whenever I ask about her. Fyi all I asked was so how long would she be visiting, if she had a bf and if I could meet her to get to know her better once I was back from overseas but he wasn't keen to let us meet either.before this we argued because he wanted to visit her in US alone but refused to tell me their planned activities. And once he was texting her when I saw her saying she doesn't want to meet me. What's the deal? I find it hard to trust him and without trust this relationship cannot work out.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (31 October 2014):
Hi there. It sounds like he has feelings for her, otherwise why would he be trying to hide it and avoid talking about it with you?
It does raise my suspicions, that there is more to it than meets the eye.
And if you were to ask him straight out, well then he would probably try and deny it, for sure.
Or else, he would just get angry, which means it's something he is not comfortable talking to you about.
And that would almost certainly mean - yes - he probably does have feelings for her.
And perhaps he won't talk about it with you, because he doesn't want to lose you.
And so he is trying to pretend she is just a friend, and nothing more.
And as you are his girlfriend, she can only be a friend to him - unless he starts seeing her behind your back, and then making excuses as to why he can't see you.
Probably the wisest course of action for you, would be to say nothing and don't ask him any questions about her.
And instead, observe his actions and how he is when he is with you, and see if he seems happy and content.
Or, if he isn't happy and content in your company, if he seems distracted and like he isn't fully present when he is with you.
There are always signs that something isn't quite right.
It's like a sixth sense, that they just don't seem to be their happy, relaxed self.
And also, doing or saying things that seem out of character for him.
These signs may seem very subtle, nevertheless, they are there when you stay aware.
And things like say you go to his place, and he is on the phone, and suddenly he puts the phone down as soon as he hears you knocking at the front door.
And then acting guilty, and awkward.
And also, hiding his mobile phone from you, and taking it with him whenever he leaves the room - so you can't search through his incoming and outgoing text messages.
And being rather hesitant and looking quite uncomfortable when you ask him a very ordinary question.
A kind of squirming in his seat, if you know what I mean by that.
There are lots of tiny little signs to look out for, and say nothing at all when you see these little signs.
If you see any, that is.
Unfortunately, it's going to take a couple of weeks of silently observing his actions, to start seeing these little signs that I have just mentioned, to know what I mean.
Otherwise, if he treats you no differently than he always has, well then it might well be nothing at all to be too concerned about.
It is just going to take a little time to see for yourself.
And you never know, maybe it is just friendship.
You need to be very sure for yourself, and he needs to be honest with you - regardless.
Only time will tell.
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