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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have no idea where to start so excuse the rambling.This situation has been going on well over a year and i'm just so tired of it. It's a long story so i'm going to leave most of the details out.So, me and and a guy i knew from school, got back in touch over facebook a few years ago. We never really knew each other at school but knew of each other, if that makes sense?Anyway, we started talking on there and after a few months we decided to catch up. We met up one night and at first it was a bit awkward, i mean it had been 6 years since we'd even seen each other. At school he was pretty much a geek, not that i was popular, but he wasn't one with the ladies, so when i saw him again i was shocked how good he looked and how different.Well, after that night we met up again, one thing led to another and we slept together. This carried on for a few months and i really started to like him, which turned out to be a huge mistake.So, a few months go by and we haven't seen each other for about 2 months, when he starts to ignore me and back off a bit. I thought he must just be busy so left it at that. Turns out he'd started dating someone and hadn't bothered to tell me.When he eventually admitted it, he said he wanted to tell me in person, which i thought was a lame excuse. Now, don't get me wrong, i know what we were doing was casual, but because he never told me i was still contacting him by text like we used to and some of the things i said i wouldn't have if i'd have known he had started dating her. That made me feel pretty stupid and embarrassed. That was about a year ago and he's still with her. I'm just casually dating, but a few months back we were online and he asked what i was up to at the weekend, i said i was meeting up with somebody, didn't say who. Ever since then, he's been asking who i'm dating, what they do for a living, etc... I just laugh it off and tell him to mind his own business.He's with this girl who i don't know and that hurts, not going to lie. The thing is, he is with her and i feel like he doesn't have a right to know who i'm dating. I don't ask about his girlfriend, because frankly, i don't want to hear about her. He never mentions her to me anyway.I saw him, by chance a few weeks ago. He was very physically affectionate and at one point kissed me. For a second i let him, it was wrong i know that and nothing else happened at all.I've tried to be friends, i've tried to be happy for him but how can i when the situation is as it is? If he wanted to be with her then i would probably get over that eventually but why is he acting like this if he wants her?He lives a few hours away from me, not sure where she lives but i'm guessing the same town. I know he went out with her before we got back in touch so he'd dated her before.
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female
reader, Gadgetgirl  +, writes (12 January 2011):
I would just forget about him. Keep yourself busy doing the things that you like to do and live your life.
He's really not worth your time or thoughts.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 January 2011):
 It would be nice if all men were pillars of unwavering loyalty as you want them to be, unluckily human nature being what it is, - many of them are not and there is this rather widespread notion that you can always do with a good "spare tyre " or plan B girl. Some men also think that , if there are two girls- or more - liking them, it would be such a waste not to avail themselves of the opportunity , just in case there is the right combination of time and circumstances.
Do not sweat it that much to keep his friendship. It sounds that it was more a FWB than a real friendship anyway, and , anyway, if hanging on to him makes you uncomfortable/wistful/jealous, - perhaps you'd better just forget about him and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): Shut him down immediately. Erase him now and forget he ever existed. Just disappear without explanation. I did.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): It does sound as if he's keeping you there in the background in case he wants to pick up the threads again. Maybe his current relationship is boring him. So be wary. You are right to keep him guessing, not appearing keen etc. But there is a danger that he is going to try to dabble a bit with you. I wonder if you are prepared to be used again, as much as you like him, that possibility is very real.
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (12 January 2011):
 Sounds like you are a stop gap for him. When things are going badly with him and his gf you are filling the void. You admitted it was casual before and the fact you both let it go for two months, he was probably setting up with her again and darent tell you. My gut feeling is now he's with her, maybe they are hitting the rocks again and he's dabbling with you to fill the void again. Keep away from him and take him off fb , messenger, texts etc. You will always be second best.
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