A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I use a texting app that shows when the other person has read your message. Many times, he has read them right away but takes very long to respond or doesn't respond at all. On Facebook, I will message him when I notice he is online but he doesn't always respond. But I see him commenting all over the place which is a little rude and obvious to me. Yes I know, social media is the number one relationship killer. But he is a good boyfriend, so why is he so terrible at responding to only my messages? Is it significant?
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female
reader, answerfromtheheart +, writes (8 April 2012):
 just let us know how things turn out.
I'm sure I'm speaking for all of us who answered your question we would love to hear that everything turns out great for you and that it is a language barrier, but we'll support you in case it's not the case.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your great responses! They are very insightful.
Answerfromtheheart - That is a great idea and your advice is very insightful. I will try that starting tomorrow and see what happens. I will hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
Anonymous - I think you may be right, that he doesn't like the content of my message or that he doesn't want to lead on a conversation. Actually I spoke to him today and he said due to our language barrier (I should have mentioned that), he wanted to sit down and have a chat with me later, rather than text me at the moment. He said that when we have problems, I message him something complicated (as in angry text) and he needs time to respond because the language issue is a little tricky. But I respond again upset because he didn't respond to my previous message, and he has to craft a different response. I guess face-to-face communication works best for us due to our language barrier. He can take his time and I won't get impatient!
Ciar - I thought about it but I'm not sure. In my opinion we do see one another a moderate amount, but he actually thinks we don't spend enough time together. But I do understand that he may be busy when I message him so I will message him less from now on. You're right, he can comment all over the place on FB and still study at the same time, but he can't hold a conversation with me and still study.
Anonymous - Yes, I will ask him. And I will try to use my best judgement while keeping these advice in my mind.
Person12345 - That is insightful. I will make sure I'm not the first and last one texting him all the time from now on. Right now, I am often last but not always first.
Thank you all! And if anyone else has an opinion I'd love to hear it.
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A
female
reader, answerfromtheheart +, writes (8 April 2012):
Yes, I think it's significant.
You should try to avoid calling or texting him. Do your own thing, pretend you are busy with things and don't have time for him. If he text you or calls you, wait a few hours before returning his call, and always sound busy. Try to end the conversations first as if you are very busy and have to run to do a million things.
After doing this see if his behavior changes. If it does you'll know that you've been too available for him and guys don't like that.
If you see that after you start doing this he texts and calls you even less than you will know that you are not that important in his life and that's probably a sign that he is not such a great boyfriend for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2012): Because you text him too much so its annoying him. Or he doesn't like the content of your text. Or because past experience is that if he responds immediately you'll just continue texting back so it gets annoying cos it'll never end thus he's reluctant to even go there. Or cos he feels texts are only to exchange relevent immediate information and not for idle conversation.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (8 April 2012):
 I'm inclined to think it's option #2, that you're texting and contacting him too often.
There is less at stake and far fewer obligations with casual friends than with a girlfriend. Text messages and Facebook comments are usually light and non commital and he can easily disengage from those. Once he responds to you he may feel locked into a long, romantic conversation he cannot easily extricate himself from.
I don't know how much time you two spend together in person, but if it's fairly frequent you might consider leaving alone when he's online and doing your own thing. No doubt he has other friends he'd like to catch up with or email he'd like to read, a game he'd like to play or perhaps he just wants to surf the net. That might be his time to unwind and he isn't getting it if you're pouncing on him the minute you see him.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (8 April 2012):
 Depending on how long you've been dating, the two options that I think of are 1) he is trying to play it cool and keep you from thinking he's over-eager or clingy. 2) is that he thinks you text him too often. Make sure to pay attention that there is a balance of who contacts who first and that you aren't always the first to text. Also that you aren't the last to text, in the sense that you are responding quickly to every single comment/having the last word.
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