A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf of 8 months (or maybe soon to be ex, im not sure because we just had a fight) often says to me "i'm giving you an out". He's done this several times out of nowhere, mostly because he's concerned about his personal and financial situation. I guess one could say he's had a late start in life and he's trying to make up for it now which I highly admire but that means going back to school, being broke and living with his parents at 30 years old. Now, i've known this since we started dating and never ever gave him a hard time about it. I have a good situation and dont mind paying at all but I think he feels inferior. Last night, out of nowhere, he started telling me that his situation wasnt going to get better and that i was way out of his league. That if we were in a race, id be at the end of it while he would be just at the beginning. I appreciate him being so open about things but he's the one stressing out over it. I never pressured him into anything or made him feel like he was dragging me down. And there again he said he was giving me an out which blew the entire night and today. We went away for a weekend a few weeks ago and he did the same thing the day we arrived. I don't get it. I wonder if he wants to breakup but doesnt want to initiate it. He thinks about things so much that he ends up ruining perfectly fine times.Today we just had a fight and i have a feeling he started it because he wanted us to fight and use it as the reason to breakup. I have no idea what to do. Part of me was getting tired of him "giving me outs" and what of me wants to understand why he does that. I. Sure he wants to be reassured but at the same time its annoying because he's just too insecure and when everything is going well he talks about letting me leave him. Do you think he wants me to actually break up?
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (9 April 2012):
 A man's self-esteem can often times be tied to the amount of dollar's in his bank account. Let's face it, when we are in love, most guys will open their vaults for the woman they love.
It would appear that your boyfriend isn't in that position and knowing that you are treating him is affecting his "manhood". It's just a guy thing and it is what makes 90% of us tick.
After 8 months together, I suspect also the topic of the future has come up. Perhaps marriage or even living together. If he doesn't measure up to and can't provide for you, he may be giving you an "out" so that you can get on with your life.
Ultimately, I think the question is whether his lack of finances are going to hold you up as a couple. Also, the question is whether he can live with the fact that you are going to be the major bread winner for the foreseeable future. Right now, it would appear that his struggling with his ego in that regard and is trying to justify to himself that he is unworthy by giving you an out.
I think you have a decision to make for yourself: Is his finances holding your future up? If not, you need to make it abundantly clear to him that you love him for being him and not his ability to provide (or not provide) for you and that you are in it for the long haul. Hearing that from you should stop the "I am not worthy of you" talk that he is bringing up.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2012): He wants to break up but wants you to do or so he can feel blameless.
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